FROZEN FEET!!!

* * *

I couldn’t breathe.

I stood in the School Hall’s bathroom and stared at my sweating self in the mirror but couldn’t understand why my brain had abruptly stopped thinking.

Maybe I was having a panic attack, no it can’t happen now.

Today was my big day, it was time to prove to everyone at home and in my class that I wasn’t as dumb and naive as they thought I was. That I was worthy of something useful, that it was my time to conquer the universe. 

But here I was, all drenched with sweat to the socks in my freshly pressed suit and brown shoes looking like a druggie low on crack. 

My Mom had invited family and close friends to come witness me give a speech at the graduation ceremony of the class ahead of mine.

I had always done exceptionally well in my English classes so the headmaster picked me to make a speech as a Pupil Speaker at the Graduation ceremony.

A series of practice, corrections and drawn ears had made me so confident that everything was going to be a blast.

I had never done something even remotely close to this before. I hardly answered questions thrown by teachers in class even though I knew answers to an awful lot of them. 

I always had a knot in my stomach when in front of a little number of people, like when my mom told me to say grace or when I was called to solve a math problem on the board in class.

Two days ago, I was very sure that this speech which I wrote almost entirely by myself and which was edited by the Head teacher himself was going to be peanuts to be handled.

I had said when my name was called, I’d walk like a prince to the podium and salute everyone accordingly giving them a big smile and looking them in the eyes, I’ll then go ahead to give my speech which I had memorized, I envisaged that I didn’t even have to look at the paper in front of me, maybe I did but just for a few confusing words.

Generally, I was so sure that I was going to be awesome and afterwards, I’d walk down the stage with thundering applause coming from everyone, even the bigger bullies in my class.

That was a chance to build myself a niche or probably a kingdom in my school, earn everyone’s respect and get the attention of the pretty girls who didn’t even know or acknowledged that I was alive.

This was going to be my time to reign.

I was excited.

I was proud of what I was going to be. 

* * *

This very morning, my alarm clock rang at 6:30 AM, I had to wake up early and prepare myself for the big occasion. My own graduation was going to be in a year’s time but to my family, this was yet the biggest day of my life.

I read the speech over and over again as I had been doing for the past two weeks since every nuance in it was finalized.

I had tried perfecting my Public Speaker voice but it still didn’t sound as good to me when I listened to a recording of myself presenting the speech. I had concluded that my voice would sound a little exaggerated and different over the booming speakers in the recently renovated and refurbished school hall and so it was good enough anyways or at least good to go.

“Dele”, I heard my mom call.

“You’d better come and eat something so that you could get ready, we need to be seated before the occasion starts”.

This was my mom’s way of saying; “If you shame us today, you will have to order new parents from Amazon”.

My Dad was a serious-minded person. He was the kind that didn’t say much, he would normally ask for your opinion about an issue and then went ahead and advised you a little, Simple!!

But mom?

She fussed over the most little and silliest of things. She rained hell on Earth when she found out you slept an hour after 8:00 PM, She acted like someone had died when you mistakenly broke a ceramic or glass ware. What of when you borrowed an extra piece of meat from the pot, she had you prepare for your own funeral. She was so dramatic.

Because of my great excitement, I couldn’t even eat my breakfast, I just took a few bites of the loaf of bread in front of me, sipped the hot tea a couple of times and then went to take my bath and dress up in my favorites.

My dark colored suit with stripes was already laundered and hung invitingly in the wooden wardrobe. So when I had finished taking my bath, I plucked it from the wardrobe and took my time putting it on so as to preserve the perfect creases.

I knew I had to look my best if I had to make a perfect and long lasting impression on everyone who was going to be around for the graduation ceremony. And I had heard from somewhere that looking nice increased self confidence, so in case I lost my cool, I had to remember how good looking I was and then immediately regain control of the situation.

Not that I ever planned on loosing it but who knows?

Stuff happened everyday right?

I had to wait for over an hour for everyone; my parents and two sisters to finish getting ready before we took off to Saint Joseph’s Catholic Primary School, District 21, West Province of Nigeria.

The rest of the invited were going to meet us later at the school.

* * *

The Occasion began at 9:00 AM with an opening prayer and each item on the agenda was treated with vigour, the graduating students all carried unbelievably big smiles on their faces with genuine emotion flowing around.

I was pretty tensed up at this point but tried to look as calm as I could be.

15 minutes prior to the time for my speech, I noticed a full bladder and excused myself to go visit the bathroom.

“Go ahead” , Mom said.

“Just don’t take long, you know it’s almost time”.

Dad stole a look at me trying to ascertain my composure, maybe he didn’t notice my growing impatience because he didn’t say a word.

My two sisters and other family and friends who had arrived half an hour after us were so fixated at the drama happening live on stage that they didn’t even know what was happening.

With a heave I stood up and staggered to the bathroom.

* * *

My head started spinning as I turned back to stare at the number of people sitting down patiently.

“How can I even walk up to the stage? “

But I assured myself.

“ Hey, remember, you look great”.

It didn’t work a little bit.

At this point I raced non-stop to the bathroom and used the sink as support, preventing myself from falling. I imagined myself on the stage with all those eyes on me but my mind threatened to break into pieces

I felt like I was going to throw up. My breathing became laboured and came out in bursts.

My whole little world was spinning around, trying to crash with all this looming confusion into the big black hole of eternal damnation.

“How will I face my classmates and family?”

“What will I tell the Head teacher? “

But these were the least of my worries.

There was a rough sound coming from my stomach as it rumbled.

“Let us welcome Dele Ali, a renowned Pupil Speaker to the stand to give his speech”, I heard from the mighty Speakers. Thunderous applause followed and died down half a minute later.

I wasn’t thinking now. My head went completely blank as I drowned in my own sweat.

“Dele Ali”, I heard again.

“Dele Ali”, this time with alarm.

At this point there was dead silence in the hall.

Then I heard footsteps coming my way.

“Dele, where are you? “ Mom called out with clear aggression.

“Dele”.

She then pushed open the door and saw me standing there clutching my neck tie with one hand and supporting my body with one hand against the sink.

“Dele, don’t play with me, come let’s go it’s time”

What she really meant was , “You should better find a new house to stay in, because you would face hell if you come back home today”.

She was putting in a lot of effort towards keeping her cool but failing badly at it.

“Dele, let’s go”. 

But my feet froze and I could not even attempt to move.