Green Tea Journal

Well. Here I go. You know- When you lose your mom, you don't expect the hollowness. I always thought that it would be like the books described it as.

-Seclusion and unwillingness to socialize (I can't not agree with this one)

-Guilt, Anger, apathy

-The 5 stages of course.

I now hate these books. Every. Single. One.

Ok,ok- too much, I get it. I can't possibly hate a book, just dislike it. Sorry- journaling is new for me. I guess I'm not really doing this right am I? Here-let's just restart.

Dear diary-

I'm in love, and I'm in grief- I miss my mom, and I love this boy- Nope, nope, nope. WAY too kiddish.

Here's for try three... Third times the charm?

I'm sorry mom. I never meant those mean words. I never meant to be angry at you. Maybe I can make this up for you. Like- I know you're not here anymore, but I can try. I met this guy too. I think about how you and dad got together sometimes. he likes to call it love at first sight, but I remember you talking about how you had rejected him at first- too old for you, you would say. Then like any love story he begged for you to take him back and -poof! - you dated for a year, got engaged and wham, slam, boom! Happily married and on your way with your first little bouncing baby. If you can fall in love so spectacularly, I can too.

Right?... I can.

Soo, today I was sitting around in the cafe downtown- I really like it. I figured with it being my birthday and all it would only be suitable to enjoy some time to just think and resent this journal Dr. Anne decided I needed. (Please don't read that Dr. Anne-You're awesome!) There's this cute guy who works at the cafe too. All those videos online are getting to me. I keep thinking of the cute guy asking for the girl's number- And I mean that never happens in real life but- can you imagine?!

Well, I was just sitting around, and he ended up being the one to hand me my tea. Green tea to be precise. Steeped to perfection (his personal touch of course). Our. Hands. Brushed. I was just... oh I can't write this feeling- it was too good for words to describe.

I think I was working on a small report for one of my teachers at the university when he came back around. The workers here never do that. It's just a quick hand off and a get back to work; yet here he was- sneaking not so sneaky peaks at me. To cut the story short- I stayed there a lot longer than I expected. Like- four hours longer. By the end he had passed be three times, each time getting a bit bolder with his glances. By the third time he was outright gazing at me, his eyes wide with something even I can decipher.

I had to go home though- My report was done, and I couldn't find any more excuses- my several cups of tea long since gone cold and not very tasty any longer.

I thought I had a crush on the guy- THEN!

My fantasies came true- my wish granted, every expectation exceeded.

I was shuffling my papers together, standing and slowly- maybe even regretfully getting ready to head home. The cafe was just so quaint, and the boy so cute. But I dropped one singular pen to the floor- and almost instantaneously when I reached down to grab it, another hand BRUSHED MINE!!!! A quick look up and it was him. He had changed out of his uniform into a simple tee and rustic almost looking jeans (love at first sight)

Then his VOICE!!

I'm sorry? Is this too much? I feel reallyyy awkward writing this actually... is this what you wanted Dr. Anne? Bah- I'm gonna keep going.

His voice was the sweetest melody, his voice scratchy like sandpaper, and smooth like a pebble. I felt myself fall into it. He tapped my shoulder and his gaze was inquiring. I felt SO uncomfortable. I got caught in a daydream I suppose.

Best part now-

He sheepishly handed me a note- and darted out the door. Now- as you could presume, I was disappointed and angry at myself for ruining my chance- that was, until I read the note.

813-422-3354, call me maybe? You look cute :)

When I tell you about the mere excitement overload I had. I went to bed that night- very happy. I texted him as soon as I got home, and we exchanged the most bland- dry texts ever...

Dry texters am I right? Here's a little excerpt for you Dr. Anne.

>Heeyy, um it's the girl from the cafe.<

>Hii- I guess this is awkward?<

>No, just... Yeah, you're right.<

>Soo, uh you want to like- meet somewhere maybe?<

>Sure! would tomorrow at 11 work for you?<

>Ofc, where at?<

>idk, Any ideas?<

>Cafe?<

>Sure<

>Okay<

>K<

>See you then?<

>yeah<

Sooo, not impressed by social skills yet. But I can't be judgy yet. I'm as introverted as Bilbo Baggins, so I REALLY can't judge.

Now- this morning we met up and it wasn't half bad! We had tea and he talked a bit about his hobbies and stuff- he likes cars, i like bikes, he likes dogs, I like cats.

Thats the grudge I'm holding right now.

WHO DOESN"T LIKE CATS?

Sorry- overdoing it again, aren't I?

uhh...well. I guess I should stop. I don't want my hand to hurt more than not holding his hand does to my heart. Jeez that sounded sappy.

So, maybe I might not fall in love like you guys did. Or was that all just a hoax you told us kids for the thrill? I now stand sure that you guys had more problem than age. Ok- I really need to stop. I'm going a little too far now. (Does Green tea have truth serum in it? I feel so empty with how much I just spilled. Crap. I just literally spilled it. No way this stain's gonna come out.)

How do I end an entry? Goodbye Journal? nah- that sounds weird. Here- I'll just stop. Bye.

P.S.- Did I overdo it???

-Your anxious friend-