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A story of forgiveness I was experiencing the epitome of bitterness that I believed I could never forgive. But they were my parents and they were at least entitled to forgiveness. My father married my mother when she she was 21. They met in college and he vowed to protect, love and cherish her. But two years down the line he was already unfaithful to his vows , cheating on her with the lady who gave birth to my older sister. My mother took all this in, cared for my sister as if she was her own. 6 years later she gave birth to me. My father was loving to me. I remember waking up by his side each morning and he preparing warm milk for me. I believed I had been born in the perfect family. I had an older sister I was in love with and I never for one moment thought that she was not my mother's child for she treated her no differently. But this was not the perfect family for my father was still being unfaithful on my mother ,cheating on her and the results of his unfaithful conduct were revealed two years later with the birth of my younger brother. I was only three years old at that time and of course I didn't understand why I would come across my mother crying or why my father would not come home for days at a time. I resented my father for making my mother cry. At times i would feel anger boiling in my veins and yet I was just too young to even dare speak out. I was 10 when my father and mother called me to their room and said "we have something important to tell you. I know you are already learning about this at school so we figured you should know. We are both HIV positive. " I couldn't believe my ears. My father was open too about how it was he who had infected my mother. I felt anger and hate at this man and yet because I loved him and I believed it was wrong to hate, I hated myself too. Two years later my mother died. I was only 11. I desperately needed a mother and suddenly became bitter at my own late mother for deserting me. How could she? Didn't she know she had a toddler who needed a mother. I started looking back through the years and I felt deep bitterness at my mother for putting up with my father's mischief all these years. Why had she stayed with a man who had clearly shown that he couldn't be faithful ? Why on earth had she tolerated not one but two kids from my father's mischief?" It certainly had not been because of money because as I look back I remember days we would use cooking oil for a body moisturiser, we had hand me down clothes from charity. We would eat boiled peas for breakfast, lunch and supper. So why had she kept up her play with this man? If she had left sooner then she would not have become infected and she certainly would be alive today that I believed. I was bitter at my mother for her self less attitude for I believed it led to her death and I was angry at my father for causing her death. It didn't take long for my father to move on , a year and a half after my mother died he had remarried. God forgive, I hated that woman and quickly my father became my best friend. I had grown older was now in my teens and I started viewing things a little more realistically. I started to look at all the wrong things he had done and as we talked he opened up to me to reveal the remorse he felt in his heart. I came to see the good side to him, the side which probably had made my mother stay with him despite all the chaos he had caused in her life. And his remarriage? Well he was a human being who had needs to be fulfilled and I starting to appreciate the step he had taken. When I was 15 I prayed intensely for the power to forgive my parents , my father for being unfaithful,my mother for tolerating my father and my stepmother, she was only human. My father passed away when I was 20 and yet I felt no anger in my heart, merely sadness at his passing away for I knew I would miss him intensely. I will never condone the actions of my parents , they were adults who chose their own course and as an adult the mature course to take is forgiveness from the heart. Its been 10 years now since my mother died and I can say from the heart that I hold no bitterness for her. I can safely and warmly say , Mom , Dad I loved you and I still do. Forgiveness is the best gift you can ever give to yourself and I am glad I gave it to myself.
October 12, 2019 20:51

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