“Mom. I can't believe it. I think he's going to dump me tonight.”
“Now, now. Calm down Kelly. I'm sure it's nothing like that.”
“He said. He wanted to take me out one last time as his girlfriend.”
“What does that mean? Oh? That's not good. This isn't good. Oh...no. I knew it. I told you he's planning on dumping me tonight.”
“Okay. It's going to be fine. You don't have to worry. Kelly?”
“You should dump him first.”
“What the hell? No. I don't want to loose him at all...”
“Well...Have you talked to him about this?”
“I've tried. He just keeps pushing it off. Keeps saying I'll see you tonight at seven. What the fuck is this? Mom...I don't like this.”
“Kelly. We've worked on this. Calm down and stay positive right? I'm sure it's not going to be anything like what you think.”
“How do you know that?”
“How do you know he's going to dump you?”
“Well.” Kelly sniffles for a beat, then says. “I guess I don't. But he said.”
“Honey. I think you're trying to make mountains out of molehills. I think it's time to breath.”
“It's not that easy. I...I just want us to be happy.”
Rubbing a consoling hand on her daughters shoulder. Kelly's mom kneels down wrapping her arms around her daughter saying. “Shh. Shh. Now. You two made it through that car crash together right?”
Muffled behind her mothers sweater. Kelly mumbles. “Yeah.”
“So if Jack didn't leave then. Why is he going to leave now? What's different.”
“I don't know...He's. He's been so distant lately. Constantly working late. He never has enough time for me. I bet he's been spending his time with that bitch Tina.”
“Kelly. You stop that right now. You know that isn't true. Maybe he really is just working late?”
“Then why did he work Saturday last week? Why the business trip two weeks before that?”
“I don't have any answers for you Kelly. You're going to have to talk to Jack.”
“But. I'm afraid of what he's going to say.”
“Kelly you're better then this. I didn't raise my daughter to live in fear but to confront it. Now. Go get in that shower and get ready for dinner.”
Standing up, wiping streaks of mascara away from her eyes. Kelly nods to her mother with confidence even though fear fills her voice. “You're right. I'll never know if I don't go tonight.”
Hopping in the shower. Kelly washes away her sorrows and her fears. The warm water melts the shell of ice holding her heart inside. Kelly feels the love of her family, the warmth of her mother, the strength of her father, the support of her siblings. Together, she can handle anything. Holding onto this thought. Kelly relinquishes her grasp on the unknown with every drop of water. Everything fades away down the drain.
Drying off, Kelly sneaks into her bedroom and slips into the violet dress she picked out ahead of time. Matching pure silver earrings with amethyst gems rested inside and a light dash of makeup. Kelly twirls around in the full body mirror she has hanging against her closet door. Flashing herself a big smile. Who is she kidding? She can't get rid of this awful gut feeling. That something horrible is going to happen tonight.
A light knock comes on her bedroom door. Her mom pushes it open a crack asking. “Honey? Are you almost ready? Jack should be here soon.”
Turning around with a bright smile. Kelly says. “Yeah. I'll be right there mom.”
Her mom closes the door fully, giving Kelly full privacy. Staring at herself in the mirror. Kelly's face shifts from happiness to disgust. She points and pulls at her love handles while blowing raspberries. Flicking the cellulite on her butt with a sigh, she watches it jiggle for a beat while talking to herself saying. “Who loves a fat girl with ripples? Ugh. I can't believe this...Well, time to take this bullet.”
Walking to the door of her room. Kelly stops. Her hands tremble. Tears welling in her eyes, she waves a gentle hand to dry them. She takes a deep breath and opens the door. The living room once bland and gray. Now bursting with color. Streamers hang from the balloon lined ceiling. Roses fill the room and in the center stands Jack in his tuxedo. Her father Paul standing just behind him with a approving hand placed on Jack's shoulder.
Covering her gasp behind closed hands. Kelly's fear turns to pure joy, her tears become that of happiness. Striding across the room into Jack's arms. Kelly notices her mom sitting on the couch with her two sisters. Her brother hiding away on the other side of the room in the kitchen. Pops out with a boom box playing “We made love out of nothing” By Air Supply.
Paul opens a bottle of champagne and starts pouring glasses. Handing one to each person, he waits to give Jack the last one. Slapping him on the back Paul gives him an encouraging nod.
Taking a sip of his glass. Jack chuckles nervously like a chipmunk then takes a deep breath and says. “Kelly. You are. You are my everything. I know things have been difficult lately. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend.”
Kelly pushes Jack lightly on the chest almost slapping at him saying. “You jerk...you got my dad here? How?”
“Jack come out to visit two weeks ago over the weekend. He talked to all of us in person and told us his plan. We had to help. I mean look at your face honey.” Paul says munching away on some chips.
She looks to her mom and her sisters, she looks over to her brother, her father, then finally she rests back on Jack. Matching his gaze. “The business trip? So last weekend?”
“We went to buy the ring together.” Her mom answers.
Kelly takes a step back holding her beet red face in her hands saying. “You? What? You all went?”
Taking it all in. Kelly watches Jack lower himself down onto one knee. Glass of champagne in one hand, he pulls out a small sleek red velvet box. Fumbling with the box and his glass for a second. He sets the glass down by his feet then opens the box. Inside rests a stunning rose gold engagement ring. Two thin strands of metal twisted together like vines wrap around the finger with three diamonds each shining like the sun. Jack clears his throat and continues. “Kelly. I never want to be apart. You are the other half of me, and I can't imagine life without you. Will you marry me?”
Sliding the ring on her finger. Kelly hops up and down screaming. “Yes. Oh my god. Jack. I can't believe this.” She flashes her ring to her family. “It's a perfect fit!”
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Good job. Fun story. One of the first lines gives it all away, though. “He said. He wanted to take me out one last time as his girlfriend.” I think takes away the suspense, it's too predictable. Maybe "he's been acting funny, I think something is wrong..." or something. Also, review and edit before publishing ;)
I appreciate the help with the first line. Honestly I didn't enjoy writing this piece. It's something I forced myself to write to expand a little on what I normally do. I do apologise if my stories have minor errors as of right now. I usually post the first draft and that's it. To me this is a place to work on quantity. Then I can go back and edit stories I truly love later. I have started editing throughout the week as I reread and notice things. So please check out some of my other work from this week. I'm sure you'll notice the differe...
I do that too, take on something outside of my comfort zone, how else do we grow? I'll read the stories you mention in a couple of days. Leaving town for a bit. I did not want to imply that your stories are not a good read, it's just the perfectionist in me. It certainly is a character flaw! Ok, no more comments on editing :) I posted for the chase scene just today. It should be visible shortly. I'd appreciate your thoughts on it.
Sure thing. I'll give it a read later. And by no means did I think it wasn't a good read. But it's definitely not my best. I do agree though. It's important to move outside of our comfort zone and grow into new styles and genres. (Emotions are hard. Comedy or horror now? So easy.)
Well written 👍
This was a great story!!!! It had a certain sense of realism to it like this is how people act. You have a nice way of writing, like how you construct your sentences, which words you use, etc. that really shone in this piece. I agree with Faye, that that one statement kind of took the twist away, but that is my only criticism. Overall a read to enjoy! I would love it if you could check out my stories too!!! XElsa