2 comments

Fiction Funny

Review for Thornwood Estate

Reviewer: Jane W. (verified guest)

Posted: September 5 at 10:14 a.m.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

My husband and I just returned from our lovely weekend stay at this historic manor on the coast. We wanted somewhere special to stay over the last long weekend of the summer, and Thornwood Estate did not disappoint. Situated on a large property a few miles from a wonderfully quaint little village, the house was spacious and conveniently furnished. We enjoyed long walks through the woods and along the seaside cliffs, then returned to the house to spend quiet evenings in front of the fire together, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks. I would have given our stay 5 stars, except for a bit of a problem we had with a bat that got into our bedroom and woke us up during our last night there. Otherwise, a wonderful location with great amenities. Perfect for a quiet, relaxing getaway.

Reply: S. Thornwood (verified host)

Posted: September 5 at 11:15 p.m.

Thank you for your review, Jane. We’re very pleased that you and your husband had a pleasant stay. Thornwood Estate is our historic family home, and we take great pride sharing it with visitors such as yourself. With that in mind, we were wondering if we could convince you to update your rating to 5 stars. We certainly have never had any problems with bats before. Older houses like Thornwood often shift as the temperature changes in the evening. Isn’t it possible you were only hearing it settle and, being in a strange place, let your imagination get the best of you?

Reviewer: Jane W. 

Posted: September 6 at 9:26 a.m.  

I certainly appreciate your reply Mr. Thornwood, but I can assure you we did not imagine the bat. Our dog started barking at it and woke us up. It was flying all over the room trying to get out. My husband tried to catch it with a towel and got bit in the process. He still has the marks. I appreciate you wanting to maintain a high rating here on this site, but I think you should have pest control investigate so this doesn’t happen to guests in the future.

Reply: S. Thornwood

Posted: September 7 at 12:52 a.m.

I have to say that we were very disappointed to hear you brought your dog on your stay. Pets are not allowed at Thornwood. We thought that would be obvious given the historic character of the estate. We will be inspecting for any additional damage to the house and charging you for any repairs or extra cleaning required. Also, it’s obvious we can’t be held responsible for any scratch your husband received (real or imagined) since there’s no proof it happened while he was on the property. Under the circumstances we think you should reconsider your rating instead of spreading damaging falsehoods in your review.

Reviewer: Jane W.

Posted: September 7 at 9:17 a.m.

Damaging falsehoods?! What do you mean? First of all, there were no rules posted about bringing a dog. I made sure it wasn’t included in your strange list of prohibited activities like opening the shutters on the first floor or cooking strong-smelling foods in the kitchen. Bella is an exceptionally well-behaved dog and didn’t cause a fuss during our whole stay except to protect us from the vermin flying around the bedroom! We will not be paying any (certainly imagined) “damages.” In fact, you should worry about having to pay our medical bills. Ever since we got home my husband has been having trouble sleeping. He’s been up all hours of the night and shuttering himself away during the day. I have reconsidered my rating: I’m changing it to 3 out of 5 stars. I sincerely hope you investigate the bat issue promptly for the safety of your guests.

Reply: S. Thornwood

Posted: September 8 at 2:55 a.m.

We will be reporting this review as a malicious misrepresentation. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but Thornwood Estate has an excellent reputation both on this site and in the area. We certainly are not going to let a couple of anxiety-ridden urbanites who hide in the bathroom when they hear a bump in the night tarnish it. And as for medical bills, do you think you can take advantage of us, suck us dry, to pay for your problems? You have no idea who you’re dealing with.

Reviewer: Jane W.

Posted: September 8 at 8:46 a.m.

We have been very reasonable. I tried to give you a good review despite the problem we had in the bedroom. I didn’t even mention the creepy groundskeeper who kept lurking around, watching us all weekend. It was terrible! And how did you know we hid in the bathroom after the bat woke us up? Did you have him spying on us!? I think you’ve shown your true colors. Now I’m starting to understand the strange, concerned looks people in the village gave us when we told them where we were staying. I’m changing my review to 2 stars -- and I’m reporting you to the health authorities! Something is definitely not right with my husband. Even Bella knows it. She barks at him now when he comes up from the basement in the evening. He’s so pale. And he won’t eat, even though he looks so hungry sitting there, looking at me. You can expect to hear from our lawyer!

Reply: S. Thornwood

Posted: September 9 at 3:10 a.m.

How dare you attack our groundskeeper, Ivan?! He and his family have been taking care of the property for generations. I’m sorry if you and your husband are having trouble, but that’s no excuse for making accusations and taking it out on our family and friends. Ivan and the other villagers are the lifeblood of our community! Perhaps your husband is acting strangely because he’s just as shocked as we are at your rude, dishonest behavior. He’s welcome to come stay with us whenever he likes!

Reviewer: Jane W.

Posted: September 9 at 9:16 p.m.

I hope you’re happy. All I wanted to do was provide some constructive feedback, but you kept raising the stakes. Now it seems -- when it comes to my husband -- you’ll have your wish. Tonight there was an unfortunate incident at dinner involving garlic primavera. There was a scuffle, and it ended with him flying out the window. I’ve decided to update my rating one more time: 1 out of 5 stars. Historic property. Excellent views. Mind the bats.

April 09, 2022 23:11

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

2 comments

Felice Noelle
12:04 Jun 08, 2022

Jared: So maybe I couldn't resist reading another of your stories. I loved this, tongue-in-cheek funny story. Right away I knew where it was going and would end up, but couldn't resist how you were going to entertain me as you pulled me along . IMO that was a clever take on the prompt and I chuckled as the BNB gal ramped up her rhetoric, and the tale of her vacation unfolded. I loved the story! Here's another like and comment for karma pts. Thanks for a good read and some fun. Maureen

Reply

Jared Lenover
12:58 Jun 08, 2022

Thanks again Maureen! Online comment sections can get so out of hand... (he writes ironically). 😜

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply