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American Happy Sad

This story contains themes or mentions of suicide or self harm.

“Redundant?” Harry asked. He melted into the plastic chair that had replaced the usual metal one, in front of the boss’s desk.

            “Yes, Harry. I’m very sorry. The company is cutting back. The decision was made based on sales. It’s nothing personal.” The man brought in to give the news wore a plain white shirt and a soft smile. “You’ll receive a year and a half of your salary in the redundancy package. The company will provide you with a glowing reference. This action is not taken maliciously. It is simply to cut costs, now that the firm is in administration.”

            “I see.” Sweat patches had formed under Harry’s armpits.

            “You will be expected to clean out your desk within the hour and leave the building. If you could leave your key card at the front desk or post it in later.”

            “Alright.” Wind whistled between Harry’s pink ears. A hot flush of embarrassment had overcome him. “A year and a half of my salary?”

            “Yes.” The man leaned over the desk. “Eighteen months of pay to help you find a new job. It’s a generous package.” Leaning over the desk, the deliberately bland man held out a hand for Harry to shake. “Good luck Harry.”

            “Thank you.” Harry looked at the floor. He wanted to stand, but his legs were led weights. “Are there many people being made redundant?”

            “There are others moving on from the company,” said the man with a voice that was soft as wilting daisies on a hot day.

            “You mean fired,” Harry said.

            “No. Someone who is fired does not receive redundancy.” There was a warning note in the man’s voice. Harry knew it was time to go.

Weight lifted from Harry’s stomach. Light poured in through the shades of the fifth-floor window. Possibilities whispered to him. Hope returned.

            Adrenaline lifted Harry to his feet. He held out his hand. “Thank you.”

            “Huh?” The administrator’s face was a question mark.

            “I’ve been dreaming of quitting this job for three years. Now I don’t have to. Thank you very much,” Harry said with the same enthusiasm he’d given the boss ten years before when he’d been hired.

            “You’re welcome,” said the bland man, brow furrowing. “I don’t get a lot of people saying thank you in my line of work. Have a good day, Harry.”

            “I will,” said the unemployed cubicle drone.

As his foot stepped across the threshold of the door, Harry entered a world of new possibilities. Tension in his shoulders relaxed. Lower back pain was forgotten. A new ache in his cheeks told him he was smiling from ear to ear.

            “They’re keeping you?” Asked Gregg, who Harry had always wanted to throw down an elevator shaft.

            “No, I’m redundant.”

            “Then what do you look so happy about?” Gregg stood in his own sweaty suit, sharper cut that Harry’s, dark grey with a silky blue shirt and a maroon tie.

            A burly man stood over him at the desk. The badge on the man’s barrelled chest said SECURITY.

            Harry looked at the ‘Hang in There’ motivational poster of a rock climber suspended from a cliff. It summed up how he’d felt for years except the man in the photo was smiling. He peeled it off, rolled it up and handed it to Gregg. “You need this more than me now.”

            “I don’t want that.” The sneer worthy of Draco Malfoy brought back the impulse to punch the man’s teeth out, but Harry was too happy.

            “If you say so.” Dropping the poster in a bucket with scrap paper, he retrieved a photograph of his wife smiling and left.

            “You don’t want anything else?” Asked the security guard.

            “No. Here’s the key card, you’re walking me out right?” He handed it to the man.

            “Yes.” The guard looked at him in confusion.

The sky was brighter. Air hit his tongue sweeter than it had forever. He walked across the road to the convenience store and used the printer app on his phone. With ten copies of his CV, he tipped the cashier ten dollars and bought himself a family sized bar of chocolate.

            Chomping on the blueberry filled confectionary, Harry rubbed his aching cheeks.

            A woman with blue eyes and dazzling teeth smiled at him as he passed, both turning as they walked by. His heartbeat quickened. No. He touched the pocket of his shirt, feeling the photo of Pamela.

            Seeing a sign in a restaurant for STAFF WANTED, he walked on by. He’d worked as a waiter during university. He wasn’t going through that abuse again.

            A sign in a toy store caught his eye. DELIVERY STAFF WANTED, must have own car. He didn’t have a car. He did have a licence and could rent or buy one. He pushed through the door, a bell ringing above him.

            A grey-haired woman in a red and pink shirt smiled as he approached. Her teeth were white and grey, she looked like everyone’s grandmother. A photo of her and a man of similar age hung on the wall behind her.

            “I’d like to apply for the job. I don’t have a car, but I can rent one immediately.”

            “You don’t have a car, but you can rent one?” She smiled and turned her head to look at someone who wasn’t there. A smile was born and died on her lips in a moment.

            “Can I see your licence?” She reached out a hand covered in liver spots.

            He handed it over and stood, blissfully happy, watching her inspection.

            “No points?” She asked.

            “One, for a parking violation a few years ago.”

            “Uh huh. What’s in your pocket?” A veiny finger with a varnished nail pointed to his pocket.

            “My wife, a photo of her I mean.” He handed her the picture.

            “Cute, you’re a lucky man.” She handed it back.

            “I am. Thank you.”

            “There’s a rental place down the road. Rent something with a big boot, bring me the receipt to show you’ve got it for the week, and I’ll give you the job.”

            “Really?” He grinned; this was his day.

            “I need someone immediately. You’re well dressed, you’ve got the smile and you’re the first person to apply who doesn’t have teenage acne.”

            “Thank you very much. I’ll be right back with the rental receipt.”

That was it, he hired the car. He signed a contract and was given a uniform. He spent the next six hours delivering doll houses, action figures and bicycles around the city.

            He parked the car in the empty driveway in front of his house. He’d not called Pamela, but the lights were on.

            “Hey, I’m back.”

            “Harry?”

            “Yeah, sorry I’m late. I was all over the city today.” He hung up the now unnecessary suit jacket on a hook and removed the shoes he wanted to swap for sneakers.

Pamela was sitting at the table in the kitchen. Makeup smeared down her face. His pills lay in their bottles across the table.

            “When were you going to tell me about this?” She looked down at enough painkillers to put down an elephant.

            “Pamela.”

            “You know I use the computer as well Harry? You didn’t think I would see what you were searching on the internet?” She ran a hand through her straw-coloured hair.

            “You know about that?” The joy that had filled him like helium in a balloon since he’d left the offices left him in a rush.

            “What’s the least painful way to commit suicide?” She stared at him. Rage spelled itself out in the red veins of her crying eyes. “Yes, I read it, Harry. Two weeks ago.”

            “Two weeks?” He sat down at the table opposite her. “You didn’t tell me.”

            “How was I supposed to tell you?” She sobbed. Snot dribbled from her button nose. She grabbed handfuls of tissues to wipe it away. “How do you ask your husband if he’s going to kill himself? You never told me you were thinking about things like that. I found these pills in the garage when I searched the house. You were going to leave me? To kill yourself?”

            “No. Well-” Harry ran scratched the grey hair in his black mane. Shame settled down on his shoulders, taking the place of the depression that had been there for years.

            “I thought you loved me. How could you do this?” She stood up, throwing a bottle of pills at him. “What are you wearing?”

            “That’s what I wanted to tell you,” he said. He tugged at the polo shirt he wore. “I have a new job.”

            “New job?” The shock had snapped her out of sobbing.

            “I was made redundant today.”

            “What?”

            “The company is in administration. It was making huge losses for the last five years. My sales weren’t high enough, so they’ve given me a year and a half of my salary. I applied for a delivery job at a toy store, and they gave me it. I worked my first shift.”

            Pamela’s jaw hung open. Her eyes blinked with a blank look of incomprehension.

            “I’m sorry about this,” he picked up one of the pill bottles. “I’ve been hiding how I felt from you. That wasn’t right.”

            “You weren’t hiding it, Harry. I could see how you were. We sleep in the same bed every night. I knew something was wrong. I haven’t seen you smile in God knows how long.”

            “I was smiling today. As soon as I realised I wouldn’t have to go back to the office. I’ve hated it for so long. I wanted to quit but we needed the money for the mortgage.”

            “And now,” Pamela frowned, “you work in a toy store?”

            “Not exactly. I took a job doing deliveries. I rented a car. I’m going to buy something cheap when I get the first pay check. It was nice, just driving, having the radio on. I feel free.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Pamela nodded to a pharmacy’s worth of pills.

            “I was… Lost I guess is the word. I felt stuck. I didn’t want to tell you how I felt. I was ashamed that I couldn’t do well at work. I felt trapped and I didn’t know how to get out. This seemed like the easy option.”

            “Killing yourself? Harry. For God’s sake.” Tears dripped down her ruddy cheeks.

            “I know.” He stood and kneeled by her side, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m sorry. Let’s flush them all. I don’t want them anymore. I was desperate. I know I should have talked to you.” His blue eyes twitched as he began crying as well.

            Her arm pulled his head to her chest. They sobbed together.

            “You’re not going to do it are you? Kill yourself?” She asked.

            “No. I promise. I feel happy now. I’ll find another job while I’m working the delivery thing. We can do things at the weekends like we used to. I’m so sorry for not telling you about everything,” he said.

            “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you as well. I was scared that you might be pushed to do it if I mentioned it. I was worried you’d jump off the building at work.”

            “I know. I know.” He felt the fabric on her chest soaked with their tears.

            He kissed her, lips pressed to hers. Her arms pulled him up towards her. They locked together, still sobbing.

            “I love you, Pam,” he said as he pulled away.

            “I love you, Harry.” She kissed his hands. “I want to flush these things right now.”

            “OK. Let’s do it. Then I can show you the car.”

            “I can’t believe we have a car,” she laughed. The humour was dampened by her pain, but it sweetened as she looked at his shirt. “Pink?” She asked with a hint of mockery.

            “I know, it’s cheesy but I really liked working today. Travelling. Talking to people who I’m not ripping off.” He grabbed handfuls of pill bottles. “Let’s get rid of these.”

            Bottle after bottle rattled as pills spilled into the toilet bowl. They spun as the water swirled, down and away.

            “Let’s go for a drive,” Harry said. “I want to buy you dinner.”

            “Like this?” Pamela asked. “I look like a clown in the rain.”

            “Then let’s have a shower together. Remember we used to do that?”

            “I remember.” She took his hand and led him up the stairs.

            Throwing off their clothes, they squeezed into the shower and kissed beneath the hot flowing water. Washing each other lovingly with the soap, they forgot about going out.

            Dinner was frozen pizza and ice cream. Dessert was sex on the floor of the kitchen.

            “I love you, Pam.”

            “I love you too.”

September 02, 2022 17:17

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51 comments

Tommy Goround
16:55 Sep 09, 2022

Shucks. I thought this was going to get the list. (It's a fine work)... Has this as 1 of my 4 favorite narratives this week. (Despite my little grumbles). Your stories keep getting better and better. Thanks for all that you do.

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Graham Kinross
21:58 Sep 09, 2022

Thank you for your kind words.

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Daniel Allen
11:49 Sep 09, 2022

I really enjoyed this! I loved the uplifting undertones; it's a really great way of showing that 'every cloud has a silver lining'.

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Graham Kinross
21:58 Sep 09, 2022

Thank you, Daniel.

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Kelsey H
08:15 Sep 09, 2022

I love the emotional journey Harry goes on throughout this story, its always great when you see that sense of character arc developed in such a short space. From his stress over the job situation to his immense relief on hearing of his redundancy payout, then his happiness at his new job, it seems everything has worked out well for him. Then it takes another direction when he comes home and his confronted by his wife, and I really loved the feeling of their loving relationship you were able to give in such a short interaction. It also give...

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Graham Kinross
10:08 Sep 09, 2022

Thank you for taking the time to read it and taking the time to compliment it in such detail. If I were a cat I’d be purring. And probably lying in a sunbeam….

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Urooj Aslam
10:25 Sep 08, 2022

A beautifully sketched story. An insight into the highs and lows of life. Full of emotions and have a great depth in it.

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Michał Przywara
21:17 Sep 06, 2022

This story manages to do a lot of emotional roller-coasting. We start down with the redundancy, then up because it means no more soul-crushing job, then even higher when he gets a new job, then it craters when we meet his distraught wife and learn about the suicidal thoughts, then it evens out again as they talk things through, and it finally ends high. I'm sure a miserable job is something a lot of people can relate to, and sadly, probably also the kinds of thoughts he was having. And it's not just the job, is it? He couldn't talk to his ...

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Graham Kinross
22:05 Sep 06, 2022

Depression has a habit of showing up again, because life can’t always be on the up. If they’re talking though, then they’ll probably get through it. Now his wife knows she’ll be looking for the signs, which is more stressful for her but at least she’s not living in ignorance. I think depression has the habit of splitting people from those close to them, which makes it worse.

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Kevin Marlow
22:23 Sep 05, 2022

Tender dialogue and delicate interpersonal dynamics handled skillfully. Great work and a good read.

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Graham Kinross
01:56 Sep 06, 2022

Thank you. Working on anything for this week’s prompts?

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Kevin Marlow
03:13 Sep 06, 2022

I'm going to try, fighting off THE illness right now, hoping for more strength tomorrow. I've been binge watching Lost in Space and Stranger Things on Netflix to pass the time.

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Graham Kinross
03:25 Sep 06, 2022

Haven’t seen Lost in Space but I know the addictive properties of Stranger Things, how far are you?

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Kevin Marlow
03:33 Sep 06, 2022

I finished the first season of ST today. If you start Lost in Space, watch it in sequence. I think the third season is the finale, tons of good fantasy/sci fi and well written with good plot and dialogue.

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Graham Kinross
05:11 Sep 06, 2022

Nice, interesting that Lost in Space got the serious remake treatment when the original film is so mad. It’s like the remake of Battlestar Galactica versus the original which was a solid idea done with a medium budget before CGI. Stranger Things just seemed to get better and better. Who’s your favourite character so far? I hope the awesome TV shows help your recovery.

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Story Time
16:06 Sep 05, 2022

I love that the story was driven by both what was being said and not said. You have such a great way of handling difficult subject matter, Graham. Well done.

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Graham Kinross
21:22 Sep 05, 2022

Thank you, Kevin. I’ve had this story in the back of my head for a while. I live in Tokyo, where versions of this go the wrong way every day. People committing suicide because they can’t take it working in their jobs has its own name in most South-Asian countries because it’s so common for companies to make them work themselves into depression. In Japan, sixteen hour working days are common. I see people on the train in the morning who haven’t washed because even after work they’re expected to go out drinking with colleagues instead of going...

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Story Time
21:27 Sep 05, 2022

That's really interesting. I know a little about the culture there, and I think this was a great way to take on that topic while still being conscious of your place in telling the story in an appropriate way.

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Lily Finch
14:04 Sep 05, 2022

Graham, quite a story - so true about a tough state to understand for family members of someone who has a loved one who suffers from depression and suicidal ideation. Nice way to end the story :) Maybe this sentence needs a word change? things at the weekends - on? Otherwise an excellent story Graham. LF6

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Graham Kinross
21:23 Sep 05, 2022

Thank you, Lily. I’m not sure if I’m still allowed to edit the version on reedsy because the deadline closed. I’ll change it in the original document. Cheers.

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Lily Finch
23:16 Sep 05, 2022

It's a minor thing so not a biggie. It still reads just fine. :) LF6

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Feuer Wasser
14:33 Sep 04, 2022

I really liked this story. Very well done. Even a little bit motivational when he decided not to commit suicide. (motivational for me abacus I struggle with those kind of thoughts.) Thank you for yet another great story.

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Graham Kinross
23:30 Sep 04, 2022

Life is hard, but for every dip, there’s a rise. Look after yourself. Every hard time passes. Working on anything for this week’s prompts?

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Feuer Wasser
13:44 Sep 05, 2022

I submitted a story to last weeks prompt, but I'm still waiting for results.

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Philip Ebuluofor
13:23 Sep 04, 2022

Yeah, I am in the Hollywood frame of mind while reading this. Their movies over there usually end in a happy mood. Excess love inside it and I felt it. Fine work Graham.

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Graham Kinross
21:23 Sep 04, 2022

Thank you, Philip. What are you working on for this week’s prompts?

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Philip Ebuluofor
16:16 Sep 05, 2022

Already there. "Over mesmerized" is the best I can do.

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Wendy M
13:04 Sep 04, 2022

Briliant story, great fun and I loved "unemployed cubicle drone."

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Graham Kinross
21:23 Sep 04, 2022

Thanks, what are you working on for this week’s prompts?

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Tommy Goround
01:30 Sep 04, 2022

For me... You're really uphill on the office start. We all worked in an office... I love business and probably rarely look for business movies anymore. First line: Pam just admitted she was pregnant. (For the MC to buy a new car is probably not as important as becoming a new dad).... Does this go with his hapiness? Sure. Just modify the stress points. This might be my new favorite story of yours. Good job.

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Graham Kinross
05:10 Sep 04, 2022

Thank you for your feedback, yeah I hadn’t thought about how the office thing would turn people off because I have never worked in one. I’ve been a miner, a cleaner, a baker and now a teacher but nothing in an office. I’m also quite happy not to have worked in an office because I don’t think I could hack it.

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Tommy Goround
06:03 Sep 04, 2022

They used to have some movies in the 1980s where office stuff was quite sexy... "Secret of My success" "Working girl" "Wall Street" But then the wonderful satires came out that truly gave us the emotion deep down: "American Beauty"... Punch yourself and blame it on the boss to get out of work. "Office space"... Work is so bad that you find a way to steal from your own company. Zero loyalty. The guy with the stapler has totally been forgotten.. "The office, TV show"... People rather do pranks and screw around than any actually work... It'...

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Graham Kinross
07:38 Sep 04, 2022

I liked an article that pointed out that being bored and frustrated in a steady office job is the king of thing people in the modern gig economy can only dream of. Employment now is a race to the bottom. Wages in some jobs are going down while the cost of living rises, people work longer hours even though executives are being paid more than ever. Governments need to do more to protect everyone. I had to take a pay cut to keep my job recently, but even if I go somewhere else, the pay wouldn’t change much. Wages have been the same for the last...

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Tommy Goround
01:23 Sep 04, 2022

I'm terrible. After totally being into the opener and just appreciating the story... I wanted the wife to know that he was trying to kill himself and not say anything. (Like Kate Chopin Story of an hour).... In the wife waiting for her husband to kill himself version.... You would have to expand the midsection just a little bit. Make him super wonderfully joyous about the new job. How the new job changed his life. All of his hope. Maybe he'll go to church again. The winch pin is the new car. See it? The wife is not expecting a new car to ...

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Graham Kinross
05:08 Sep 04, 2022

Yeah I suppose office stuff is done to death. It’s a first for me because I usually write fantasy and science fiction but that’s a good point. I had this idea a while ago but the prompts didn’t fit it so I took a stab this time. You wanted her to want him dead, grim taste. I wanted to show that communication had broken down but they were still in love. I probably don’t need him getting the job, it felt like showing he doesn’t mind something less serious. He doesn’t need the pay for a while, he can be more spontaneous and free.

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Tommy Goround
05:59 Sep 04, 2022

True true.... The initial argument is that office work sucks so bad that he actually wanted to maybe kill himself. That's why the reverse punch was very very interesting, for me.

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T.S.A. Maiven
19:53 Sep 02, 2022

That story took a twist. I really liked it. And I loved the line "the unemployed cubicle drone". Mostly because I've been a cubicle drone before. Hahaha. Nice work on this.

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Graham Kinross
21:09 Sep 02, 2022

Thank you. What did you do as a cubical drone?

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T.S.A. Maiven
23:01 Sep 02, 2022

Telemarketing stint selling what else but vacuums! Lol. Glad those drone days are in the past :)

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Graham Kinross
05:50 Sep 03, 2022

What pays your bills these days?

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T.S.A. Maiven
16:41 Sep 03, 2022

Does writing pay your bills?

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Graham Kinross
22:04 Sep 03, 2022

No. I’m a teacher. I would love to be a professional writer some day though. I could do it anywhere and it would be amazing to see my books on the shelves of a bookstore somewhere, though now I think it’s healthier for the world if we get digital copies, it doesn’t have the same power as holding one in your hand though.

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Aoi Yamato
01:22 Sep 22, 2023

very different from your usual story. cute.

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Graham Kinross
02:25 Sep 22, 2023

Thanks Aoi. I like to shake it up sometimes.

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Aoi Yamato
00:47 Sep 26, 2023

welcome.

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