Life by the blade

Date: November 1793 

On this day, big brother interrupts yet again the temporary time of peace I had for myself.

“It’s time Jonathan. Come.”

It was time. Time for the execution. For the screams. For the blood and flesh that drenched the streets of Paris. For this barbaric event.

Futile of me to stop him, I follow along as well. Curiously, as we walk to the stage big brother always desires to prattle on matters which according to him are of paramount importance, even though I don’t fully comprehend them at my age. The words “liberty”, “rights”, “torture” and “king” are frequently repeated. The rest of his chattering sits vaguely on me.

My friends and I have discussed this wave of chaos that settled these past few months. The monarchy betraying the common people and having us crumble and weep on the dirty streets of the city. I wish I could understand, but I cannot. Wasn’t the monarchy supposed to help and protect us?

If this movement was an endeavor to reduce the suffering, then why do men and women have to succumb to this unnecessary torture?

As the desire for interrogation escalated, we started hearing the confusing and aggravated shouts of the crowd gathered at the plaza.

Males and females of all uniforms gathered to witness this horrific event. I look around and spot a few wailing in despair, and others with overflowing marks of happiness in their oily, grimy faces. I am confused by this buzz of mixed emotions but my brother always reassures me: “They are enemies of the nation, and are paying for their crimes.” He did not reassure me.

The moment of waiting has ceased. The crippling sight of the blade was in my vision, as well as of the ones to receive its sharp edge. They were supporters of the monarchy and enemies of freedom.

My eyes keep staring at the blade, so I know when it’s time to shut them. Although I did just that, I forgot to cover my ears for the silent “kkk” sound that the blade makes when it strikes its opponent. I also didn’t want to hear the explosive cry of joy that others shared. 

What’s worse was that there were more following. Fortunately, my brother acceded to my commands and took me… to home I suppose. 

Just before we fully exited the area, I spotted Sophie in the background also starring at the front. She was holding flowers. 

She passes by my corner to offer me some fruits or other goods she has at her store. She asks about the whereabouts of my brother, Lucas, but I always inform her that he has business to attend to. To be honest tho, I am not sure what kind of business. Regardless, Sophie feels it unnecessary for me to be outside alone, even though I am in the near distance of our house.

“Farewell little one, ” she said as she disappeared into the crowd. Most strangers I encountered returned my greetings with a scowl, but she was different.

Ever since Lucas has been having his “special” meetings, I have had the freedom to observe more of our surroundings. It was never peaceful in these parts, but now everything had taken a shift to the worst.

Even though we were able to afford more food, the fear and intimidation of Parisians were almost tangible. At times, they would chatter happily in front of their houses, and other times, they would back away and dissolve in silence as soldiers or anyone unfamiliar would cross paths with us. 

I was aware of the executions that had taken place, but was there a reason to live in fear? From what I was told, only enemies of the nations had to face that penalty. I didn’t see a reason for us commoners to be agitated.

Although I admit, the endless pile of corpses that were gathered up created a most unpleasant, repulsive stench that plagued every dirt and every air of the street. I wished to know why they performed such a task but big brother warned me not to ever ask such questions.

“Swear it with your life. You shall not question the actions of the government.” Lucas had taken part in the movement that changed France. Caring for me, he wouldn’t let me know the details of what he witnessed. He described it as “unutterable for me.” I nodded in confirmation, but I did not understand what he meant. In the end, he has always been there to protect me, but I feared that he has also fallen victim to this terror. 

Other than observing, I dedicated myself to reading a few lent books. Even though I couldn’t read most of the sentences. The pages were smudged in black coloring. Still, I would pretend that I understood what the pages covered, and I would often invent my characters and stories. They would live a better life than the present we had to face.

My characters would have shiny clothes. Lots of food and spectacular homes to live in. They would breathe clean air and grin in their surroundings. No blades, no blood, no fear. Their families would spend time with them. The father would teach them all that is necessary to know about life and the mother would nurture them with her undying love. Love that is undying.

All this occurs on the inside of my head, with my eyes closed. But then I open them, and I realize how futile it is to dream about such unreachable desires. 

As I grew bored of my position, I turned to return to my brother. Strangely tho, I noticed a tall, slender man opening the door very slowly. He too had an ominous vibe, but he didn’t look particularly suspicious. 

Big brother never allowed me to enter while he was in his meetings, but this time I chose to participate. By sneaking inside, and hearing them.

I quietly open the cracked door and shut it with ease. Every part of this house was falling apart. The staircase was in ruins and the carpets were grey instead of colorful. As I hear conversations, I approach the living room, which was the least unkempt part of the house.

I peeked behind the wall and noticed Lucas sitting on a table with 3 other men. Thankfully no one noticed me. I was too nervous to hear what they were saying, but I concentrated on one voice at a time.

“ This is getting out of control. The monarchy may need to rise up again.”

“To have us return to our previous positions?”

“The rumors keep spreading that more and more soldiers will keep visiting. The number of executions is uncountable.”

“ THEY ARE OUT OF CONTROL! They claim to be protecting France, and they are nothing but murderers. “

“ Listen, my friend shall inform you of any uprising. His family has good connections with the government, so we will be fine.”

“ Are you sure of our plan to succeed?”

“ What other choice do we have? If not, we may never sleep peacefully again?”

“ These are dreadful times.”

I wanted to hear more, but as soon as I heard one of them stand up, I carefully left the room. With my heart beating, I tried to make sense of whatever they were discussing, but it was futile.

As I waited for his company to leave, in tears I hugged my big brother and asked him: “ Are you gonna be safe?”

He petted the back of my head and reassured me that everything will be “fine.” There was no need to worry. And I believed him.

…

(Wipes tears)

That’s why I stared in incredulity when I saw him up there on the platform, alongside his companions.

I wished I could have screamed in agony and begged for his life. But I was defeated. Ultimately defeated. Everything moved so fast, that I didn’t have time to cover my eyes this time. The blade descended and the cheering was at its crescendo. There was so much to grieve for that in the end, no tear dropped.

With the crowd deforming, I hopelessly stared at the ground with visible confusion. I remained there for hours until a young lady approached me.

“Come with me.”

Sophie then took my hands with a sorrowful expression on her face. The hard truth of our reality has just begun.