The Janitors’ Holiday Party

Submitted into Contest #178 in response to: Set your story at a work holiday party,... view prompt

13 comments

Coming of Age Funny Romance

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

CW: Gore and mentions of death in the context of nature


The Janitors’ Holiday Party 



“Party time!” Cousin Ludwig grunts, landing with an awkward hop. “We have secured the venue!”


Work holiday parties are just that, in our profession: work, right along with the holiday partying. The time and the venue are always a last-minute surprise. It keeps life interesting.


For us, the party—and the work—starts when it’s over for someone else. We’re the cleanup crew. The janitors, if you will. 


“Ready, everyone?” Ludwig is eager to get us there while the food is fresh. Ish.

He’s a top-notch scout. Sniffs out the best parties a mile away!


“Give me a minute,” Eunice mumbles. 


“Women…” Horace begins, but lets his words trail off at Eunice’s warning glare. 


“Don’t start, Horace!”


Eunice can be a mite touchy. Gets her feathers ruffled easily, if you know what I mean. And Horace? He’s incredibly dense.


“What’s on the menu?”


“Venison.”


Agaaain?” Aunt Lucretia grouses. “We had venison last week! Hardly a holiday treat.”


Side note: We’re not likely to see grouse on the menu around here. We do have the occasional turkey dinner, and one time there was owl. 


Lucretia’s right—we do get quite a lot of venison. Only, most of us don’t gripe about it. The thing is, there’s usually enough to feed a good-sized group. Not many jobs include an unlimited food budget.


But no matter what, Lucretia is perpetually discontented. We all know someone like that, don’t we? 


If venison isn’t available for months, Lucretia complains. If we have it two feasts in a row, Lucretia complains. And she’s always going on about how the young ones look so frowzy, you’d think they’d take more pride in their appearance, yadda yadda yadda…


Enough about Lady Doom and Gloom. She is who she is. We’re generally a congenial bunch, and it wouldn’t be the same without her.


The venue for this holiday party is down a pleasant country road, with open fields on both sides. It’s a big job, but there’s strength in numbers. We can do this! 


Inez arrives after we’ve already started. She’s always fashionably late.

“Hi,” she sighs breathily, squeezing in between Cecil and me with a soft plop.

“Sorry I’m late. Mind if I join you?”


She’s playing me, I know it. But I take the bait anyway and preen a little.


I’m never sure where I stand with Inez. She’s well-kept, and I know I have rivals for her affection. Perhaps she’s not quite ready to settle down. And in our culture, settling down is a lifetime commitment. I do whatever I can to make a good impression.


Cecil hunches over his food and says nothing. I happen to know that he likes Inez too, but he’s a little bashful.


“Inez, it would be my pleasure. Care to share a rack of ribs?” I bow slightly, feeling suave until Inez gives a gurgle of laughter. 


“What…?” Now I’m uncertain. Is she happy to be in my company, or is she mocking me?


“Alonzo—I have a bone to pick with you!”


Just for a split second, I’m afraid. I’ve done something wrong. But then I get it. She’s accepting my invitation. Inez is clever. She’s always ready with a witty comeback. I relax, and tuck into the tasty flesh.


With Inez by my side, I hardly notice what I’m eating. I’m glad there’s no need for small talk. I can let my thoughts wander to a possible future with this stunning creature. 


We make short work of the ribs, picking them clean in tandem. Inez is thorough, efficient, and somehow elegant.


A speeding car careens wildly around the curve, dangerously close to our feast! It roars off down the road, and we wince at the sound of squealing tires.


“Whoa! Idiots!” Horace quakes. “That was too close for comfort.” 


“Remember what day it is, Horace?” prompts Eunice, waving a half-eaten ulna for emphasis. “They’re all out celebrating the end of one year and the start of another. Which, for some reason, they do by being incredibly reckless.”


“It’s to our benefit,” Lucretia croons, “although… we’re likely to get sick of venison, with the whole deer-caught-in-the-headlights effect.”


We hear more tire-squealing in the distance. By the sound of it, we’ll have another good feast tomorrow. And if it’s venison again, Lucretia will complain.


This job doesn’t take long. We’re an efficient crew. There’s not a shred of meat left; only a pile of bones give testament to our recent festal board.


We move on to complete the party in our typical low-key fashion. We’re all feeling full, and it’s most pleasant to bask in the rays of the afternoon sun. 


Looks like my lucky day! Inez settles herself near me, while Cecil slouches away to try his charm on my sister, Ethel. That’s OK by me—Cecil is a good sort, and Ethel will distract him from Inez.


“What’s your favorite food?” I ask Inez. Maybe I can take lessons from Ludwig, and impress Inez with my talent by locating a choice morsel.


“Snakes… they’re a real delicacy! Particularly the eyes. There’s a nice pop to the texture. Mmmmm-mm!… Love me a good, tender gopher snake!”


Snakes aren’t out and about this time of year. Too cold. I’ll have to try something else.


Our staple side dishes are so plentiful, none of them would be impressive. Possum, skunk, raccoon. Skunk, raccoon, possum. Raccoon, possum, skunk. Ad nauseum. Especially when it’s skunk.


Actually, to be honest, skunk is tasty—you just have to avoid the scent glands. It can get nasty if they’ve been compromised. Not very romantic.


I nod, and agree that snakes are delectable. Then I’m silent again, thinking about how to successfully woo Inez.


I catch her sneaking a glance at me, and it bolsters my courage.


“Maybe tomorrow,” I offer boldly, “we can ride the thermals together?”


Inez gazes at me, soft-eyed.


“I’d love that, Alonzo. I really would!’


She shifts a little closer to me. We spread our wings, tips just barely touching, and sit in the fading sunlight.


December 31, 2022 04:05

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13 comments

Susan Catucci
16:25 Jan 10, 2023

I'm so happy I didn't miss this, Cindy! I loved every word and reference. Took me no time at all to be completely enveloped in this. Wonderful job! Bird-speak is a great gift and I'm thrilled we're both in the club. (Thought if I said "flock" that would be a bit overboard) If you haven't yet, I thought of you with my latest offering. I hope you'll swoop in for a look.

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Cindy Strube
18:38 Jan 23, 2023

Susan, I always accept puns! And I’m glad we’re in the same flock. I had lots of fun with this. Turkey vulture society is so interesting… Some people think they’re disgusting because they eat carrion, but just imagine what it would be like without their help. I just commented on your sweet Midas story!

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Michał Przywara
03:35 Jan 04, 2023

Heh, what a magnificent set of tags, when combined with a gore warning - and a title about janitors! I just had to find out what this was about :) I got an inkling pretty early on, with the "fresh ish", but I wasn’t sure what kind of animal we had until later. Considering this is a story about carrion feasts, it's actually pretty wholesome :) You've got a family coming together, a budding romance - and, yes, they do provide a critical service in the natural world. An enjoyable story!

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Cindy Strube
18:58 Jan 04, 2023

Oh, I have to admit I giggled to myself about the tags. Glad they stand out! As for the gore warning - probably evident that I’m not very squeamish, but some folks are. So it’s a *little* tongue-in-cheek. Living in a rural area, we have a lot of roadkill. Often observe their feasts, and we do refer to them as “the cleanup crew”. The ones around here apparently don’t migrate. There’s plenty of food year round - and besides, when they fly they can’t take carrion… It’s vulture reality.

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Michał Przywara
21:38 Jan 04, 2023

Lol! Need to find a story for those puns so more people read them :)

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Cindy Strube
21:48 Jan 04, 2023

I know… :D Too bad I didn’t work them in to this story! Oh well, the cleanup crew could make a guest appearance elsewhere.

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Hi Cindy! I'm so happy you wrote another animal POV story! Once again, you really got me into the character's head. I believe common ravens are the animals in this story. [For us, the party – and the work – starts when it’s over for someone else.] I used to use dashes like this, with spaces, until I was informed about how to use them correctly (I believe by Alex Sultan): https://www.thesaurus.com/e/grammar/types-of-dashes/ [“Ready, everyone?” Ludwig is eager to get us there while the food is fresh. Ish. He’s a top-notch scout… sniffs out...

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Cindy Strube
01:20 Jan 01, 2023

Hi Guadalupe, Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful critique. You are an asset to Reedsy! I checked out the link & was able to make the edits before the story got approved. I *think* I got all of them. The missing quotation mark is a strange thing; I’d already discovered that and fixed it, so not sure what went on there. I’m glad you enjoyed another animal POV. Seems like I’ve had a trend lately. Not all my stories are that way, but sometimes it just feels right. Common raven is a good guess, given that I (very purposefully) didn’t name...

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Oh dear, I feel bad that I guessed wrong! A member of the vulture family was actually my first guess, because I didn't think that ravens could strip an entire deer that quickly. But a few little details made me think they were ravens: [“Hi,” she sighs breathily, squeezing in between Cecil and me with a soft plop.] The words [soft plop] made me think of a lighter bird than a turkey vulture. Also, the fact that Alonzo was thinking of the others by his relation to them—aunt, cousin, etc. made me think of ravens, with their extended family gr...

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Cindy Strube
01:11 Jan 31, 2023

Oh, don’t feel bad! I have watched turkey vultures land, and they’re surprisingly graceful for such clunky-looking birds. They sort of billow out and float down. Fascinating creatures!

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Wendy Kaminski
20:43 Dec 31, 2022

Clever!! It did take me a while to catch on to this one. It was a fun story, though, and thank you for sharing it! :) PS Did your tomato always have an eyeball?! I feel like maybe I had too many NYE cocktails already.

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Cindy Strube
22:45 Dec 31, 2022

Ha! That was my aim, to make it not immediately obvious. ;p Thanks for appreciating my weird humor! P.S. Yes. My husband is the gardener. I have photos of three different tomatoes with proboscises. I used a photo editor to put eyeballs on them! I’ve used all of them as “avatars” on different sites. 🍅

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Amanda Lieser
15:02 Mar 24, 2023

Hey Cindy! This was a fun take on the prompt. I love how you dropped bread crumbs-letting us know your characters as well as their souls up until the end for that final reveal. I had a gut feeling you were taking a unique perspective in this piece. I loved the way you listed out the different dishes and found something positive about things we may turn our noses at. Food can be such a powerful vehicle for culture and I think you captured that in this one. Nice work!

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