Freedom In Captivity

TW: suicide

I weaved through the kelp. The cool feel of water rushing past my body as I kicked forcefully with the seaweed and fish moving beside me, making a path way like I was a royal. It felt so good. It was almost addicting. I came here everyday, hoping I would find something different, something new, answers. I saw the immense mushroom stalk 25metres away from me, indicating the start of the mushroom forest. I flipped over, my back to the endless pit and my stomach facing wherever the air bubbles went. There was almost little to no sunlight down here from the mushroom caps, only the little glowing dots that they emitted-which wasn’t a lot.

I had around 8 more minutes to search before I went back to the cove for air. Then I'd repeat the process once again. I’ve been stuck down here for who knows how long. Crashed down from space. 

The crash. Screaming and pain flicked through my mind in a montage. I stop swimming as the memories flash back to me in a rush, I open my mouth to breath in air, only I couldn’t. Water filled my lungs as I started to panic, I looked around and the creatures of the water were staring at me judgingly. I have to swim back. I furiously and violently kick at the water to get back to the cove. 

My lungs were aching and my head was throbbing. I didn’t stop though, I can't die like this. I have Maverick to go back to and I promised him that we'd get off this endless water plant together, and we’d be safe. I turned and kicked, only I was kicking slower-with less force. My vision started to go blurry. I saw Maverick wave and smile at me, I reached out my hand for him, I wouldn’t make it, I knew, I was still 13 meters out at least. When we crashed, me and him were the only two survivors. The radio signals told us that they were coming. We could leave this place. Go back home-wherever that was. Off this blue planet, away from danger. Soon, I’d be free…. The last thoughts I had when I blanked out and my body went numb all over. This was surely it.

My eyes bolted open. I gasped for air-and this time there was air for me to breathe. I sat up and rapidly breathed, my stomach rising and falling. My wetsuit was dry and flippers on my legs. All the memories came flooding back to me, by no time tears were recklessly falling down my face as I pathetically sobbed and wailed. It was pitch black, Maverick must've woken up from my wailing.

“Sadie? Are you ok?” He exclaimed, glancing at me. Looking at him makes me sob even harder, I began shaking. He couldn’t die here too, he was younger than me, he was only 14 years old. 

“Maverick, I-I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be here, there's no way out. We're going to die here. I’m sorry Maverick.” I choked out, still gasping for breath, I looked at him and his face dropped, I saw a tear slip down his face and he glanced back up at me. I continued on, “I’m sorry Maverick. I don’t believe there's a way out. I don’t even know which way up is.” I started to sober up to explain the situation to him. He didn’t know anything yet, I hadn’t told him any of this horrible news, I knew I just crushed any of his  hope that was left. I was his last hope. 

“I tried to go up but nothing makes sense, I can’t see the surface in the water, We tried climbing up the crevasse but it’s too steep and just a flat drop if we fall, and too dangerous” I ranted. I remembered all the good times I had, learning on  the mothership about surrounding planets, having pillow fights with random people and spying on the captain and getting into trouble. I missed that so much. “Maverick, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t want it to end like this. You and I both know that were not getting out of this” I weakly spoke.

“No, you're giving up. We can make it if we try. Y-you never know, they might call us tomorrow saying that they’re here. You- you’re just giving up like that?!?” He started to shout. 

“It’s hopeless Maverick! Can’t you see that? We are going to die here. They’re not going to call us and get us out of here! We’re on our own, they’re not coming back for us, we're just two survivors from a massive crash that was a mistake. We shouldn’t even be alive!” I screamed at him. I was shaking and bawling my eyes out. I felt pathetic and so vulnerable.

Maverick’s breathing pattern was off and he started to cry. I understood. I don’t even know what the point of living any more was. What was the point. All we did was swim and hold out breath while one of us waited for something, someone to come and save us. To be our knight in shining armour. Our shared silence was enough so say one thousand words.

He got up, the little ‘cove’ was round with a vertical crevasse in the middle of the cove and was around 4 metres wide. There were little mushrooms that glowed in the dark, we had been here for a month maybe but time worked differently. We ate rations that we found and then converged the water so it was drinkable. He stuttered over to me and sat down on the rock I was now sitting upright on. He hugged me tight, and kept me close. We were like brother and sister. He shifted his back down on the rock. The rocks in here were smooth and ‘comfortable’ for rocks. He lay down and hugged me as I shuffled down as well. We gazed up at the cove. 

I gazed up to see the stars. They were the reason I left Earth. Now they’re the reason I'm dying. “Maverick, I think we should just end this.”, I glance over at him, then back up to the stars. “You get it right?” I pondered aloud for him to hear.

“Yeah.” Silence. “But I think we should just send one last message to ‘them’ just in case.” 

“I agree.” In saying that we lied there for one more minute of thoughts, then he grabbed the radio transmitter that had a red light on it. We were both surprised that it still had life. He rolled back over and looked at me. I got up in search of a sharp rock. “What do we say?” he spoke calmly. I stopped, I looked up and set my gaze upon a mushroom cluster nearby. 

“Tell them... tell them that we tried, that we love our families and everyone on the main ship and all our friends. Tell them we’re sorry that we couldn’t make it out of here by ourselves. Tell them to not worry and not to cry…” I lead off. With that he picked up the transmitter and turned it on, the airy, dry sound came on and I winced. 

“This is Maverick Jones, and Sadie Thompson, we are the only two survivors of the crash 028 that we know of. We just wanted to tell you and everyone that this is it for us. We’re leaving this life and never coming back. We are sorry and we tried our best to make it another day, and we don’t even know if you will get this, but we love you and everyone. I hope you’re all ok and nothing horrible happens to any of you like it did to us. Don’t come here. Don't come back for us. Sorry.” He turned it off and pressed some buttons and with that it was sent. 

I walked back over and sat down with an arrow head shaped-sharp rock in my hand. He found another one and we faced each other. “I want to look up at the stars while I do this. I want them to be the last thing I see.” I murmured. He nodded in agreement. 

I lay back my head with him. I did the unforgivable sin. I flinched and cried out in pain. My wrist was on fire. Not long after I heard maverick yelp out and grip my cut hand. We briefly looked at each other then up the drop our heads back to look up to the stars. They were stunning. Magical. And the aching in my stomach for a wholesome meal left, and I felt drowsy. The stars, planets and galaxies were bewitchingly charming, dragging you in until you couldn’t escape. Was so enchanting and ethereal, one last tear left my left eye and rolled down my cheek as my body went numb for one last time. I felt such a sense of peace, like this was all a dream. And I hoped that it was. I was free.