Burnt by the sun

A little light; a little radiance; and these hydrangeas are a beauty to behold. A little too much; and the petals are gone, burnt. This is illumination, this beauty, this is the hurt. What once was your prime source becomes the bane of your existence. Light, the sun, and then fire.

Green, green hydrangeas!

I snap shut the book and peep through my window one last time to see the proud neighbor take his final zoom off. My heart cringes again. The sun had robbed me the light of love in a primely holiday.

The first time it happened, I was sixteen and sassy; skimming through my dad’s car and making sure to have it well washed and sparkly with my older brother. It was a real sunny afternoon, hotter than many other days in this dry seasoned period. In no more than thirty minutes of being out there, my skin became prickly and my face hurt from the scotch of the sun.

Ade gives me a quizzy look when he realizes my unease.

“What’s going on?” had asked in a mocking fit, but I told him I was okay, totally fine, and having it right under control.

I couldn't just run back into the house. I didn’t want to seem like the cheesy little sister seeking opportunities to escape this chore, to escape tasks like washing a car, and mowing the lawn. Prior to this time, I had raged every cranny of the house. I nagged over preferences given to him just because he was male. I didn’t stop to sing that, ‘the future was female.’

 And now, when nature’s forces seem to pull a leg on me, I make to hold back from it. ‘I’m okay’, but I clearly wasn’t. In no time, I scurried back to the room. I heard him laugh as I hurry down, but I didn’t turn to look. This obviously wasn’t my best day of comebacks. My face had gotten beet and the hurt seared every bit of me. I hurried to have a chill bath, - The worst mistake of my sassyhood. 

Points-to-note 101a: never make a boast without first testing the waters.

If you must test the waters, do so first, with one leg in, then another.

never do so in the state of a seething discomfort, 

the sun will never stop to burn. the carousel will never stop to spin.

Water never soothed the pain. And when I stood facing the mirror, my skin peeled up like a stale oil film wearing off the aqueous. I was horror to look at. A burnt beauty. A shaggy hived female on the verge of losing it. 

For the fear of ridicule, I stayed locked up in the room. But a girl has got to eat something, so I went down, facing with shame the faces of my mockers. It is the trend in my family, - to make a slight joke over every anomaly before, whilst and after facing it square on.

“But this is a serious case. We should go see doctor Gbaniyi” my mum interrupts, after their pleasures of momentary laughter. Doctor Gbaniyi is the family doctor who had told me when I was six and sick, that pediatric medicine is a profession one does with the heart first, because passion is the fuel of a doctor. I had made up my mind there and then never to venture into a profession that derives joy and takes passion in torturing kids with needles and white coat.

 “first thing tomorrow. Is that okay with you?”

I shook my head in the negative. “No need to mum, it’s just sun allergy, it will pass.”

I strode to the kitchen, fetched a plate of rice and went right back into the room. 

Back in the room, the rice sat untouched at a corner as I read virtually all possible online articles on sun allergy.

Top of my search: solar urticaria also known as sun allergy is a rare allergy to sunlight that causes hives to form on skins that’s exposed to the sun. The itchy reddish spots or welts appear within minutes of sun exposure. They can last for a short time, or up to hours. The allergy may become chronic, but the symptoms can be treated. Persons with sun allergies should avoid getting into the sun for much longer. 

Nowhere in these articles does it state that persons with the allergy should freak out, but I’m totally at the verge of losing my mind. It is a miracle my dermatological inconsistency fell on a holiday, which would have been pretty much my luck because, holidays were when there wasn’t much else to do but stick up in the room all day reading books like ‘forbidden passion’. Holidays were when there weren’t many persons to look pretty and adorable for. But then, everything topples in an angst when he came along.

* * * * * *

If sun allergies weren’t so severe, I think mine took the wrong turn left. I’ve checked all images of sun allergies over and again and have come to a stint conclusion that I have it worse off in the planet. I make a fuss about this with the slightest of opportunities and never bother to see what lies outside of the screen door.

Conversations at home usually went this way;

Mum: Pam, go get the piles off the corridor?”

Me: "I can’t do that mum, I have an allergy, remember!”

Everyday that passes saps my willingness for outdoor socialization. I have legit reasons to tell Natasha, my best friend from childhood, 

“Look I can’t hang out this holiday. I’ve got the allergy and I hear sunscreens can only last about so long before exposing me to the worst tragedy of girlhood." 

“Why don’t you try wearing clothes that covers up your skin entirely?” She asks

“Nuh uh, can’t do that Nat. I won’t alter for whatever reason, my fashion statement. Nobody wears coveralls in a weather as seething as this.”

She takes my word for it and always makes her way to come over daily. Without return visits from me, she shuttled for one in four days instead, because of-course, Nat is a girl who has always got plans for her holidays.

On a certain hay day, before the moment I was turned head over heels, Ade walked in through the screen door. I was bent over at the dinning-table and didn't bother looking up from the pile of holiday assignments I had afore me. I could smell him from any distance. (on days he tries to impress, He smells like cucumber and a tiny mix of a Genesis perfume. On other days, his smell is really bland and choking to the aqua life. How do I know that when I’m not a fish? When you perceive him, you’ll know so too). I had been cracking nuts in my head over calculus for so long, it will be a waste if I took the time to look him over.

“Heya sis” He says, I’m surprised by the courtesy to his tone. He never calls me ‘Sis.’ Ade calls me a Roach, an obvious shunt for cockroach. When we were much younger, I ran an awful scare for cockroaches, I would shatter everything on my way in a bid to run from them. It's where the name came from. I'm grown now, out of that, but he still calls me a roach, apparently to keep up the spite which makes our daily quarrels bubbly.

 “Met mum on the way” he continues, “she says to bring the groceries home”

“you could as well build a kitchen on my head and drop it in there.” I say, going with the preferred sarcasm without shifting my gaze off the books.

“Jeez! cut some slack” he mutters, pissed, as he walks past me. I lift my eyes to see the trim tall guy who must have been standing by him. Dang! He’s so cute. 

His hands locks into his pocket. His eyes are dark and clear, in a matching fit to the flannel shirt he wears. he smiles, effortlessly looking genial as he exposes a bit of perfect dentition. He is definitely enthused by our word combat. Or not, I don’t know. I said nothing, wordless, shame gusting through me for speaking to my older brother in the manner I just did.

 I had never in my life seen him. I had never in my life thought also, that asides the obnoxious Uche, Ade could hang out with guys who looked like the heart of a perfect constellation". 

Is he just gonna stand there? I thought.

Will he not at-least say to me, “hi, you look really pretty working that maths out” or “hey, I'm Mr. unknown,” stretch a hand to me and tell me “you seem really cool.” 

Whatever! Anything! my thoughts altered for a dozen piles of seconds. I have been obsessed lately by many things, - the sun, good looks, allergies and cute guys.

I readjusted over my seat. Holding the pen in the best possible nice way I could, and tried my best to look pretty and hardworking at the same time. Just to gain his attention. But he said nothing. I hear him cackle as Ade stepped out of the kitchen holding a pair of jungle yoghurt. 

“Dude, what’s that for?”

“Momentary pleasure,” Ade says, laughing his words out. And out they go through that door again without the proud guy saying a damn thing to me. This was the biggest heartbreak of my entire teenage-hood

Points to note 101b: heart breaks are actual inconsistencies that happens from inside out

The heart yelps and the breaker may or may not in the know of the heinous act.

The worse kind of heart break is that which you go broken before it ever began.

Better to be despised than ignored. At least, you gained a form of attention,

however lousy.

I strode to my room, looking me up from the mirror and wondering if the scars of my allergy were still so visible. Of course they weren’t. how did he look me over and still confidently go by that door without a word?

That evening, when Ade returned, I walked to his room in a bid to surreptitiously find out about the new proud guy. I don't do this often, which is why he caught my slack in a whiff of minutes.

“He’s our new neighbor” he says, “’and he’s definitely not interested in girls like you.”

“Really, he told you that? I was your topic of discussion?” I question, brows raised, ready to plunge an attack.

He looked up from perusing his phone. I’m not sure, but I could tell easily that he was having a chat with Christy, the girl from Jewels secondary school who had broken his heart fifteen hundred times. he has refused to give up and learn a lesson. He leaves for the university in weeks and yet, still acts senseless over a girl who for me, is totally not worth it. I could tell easily because whenever he’s getting a new bout of rejection from her, he takes it out me, like I’m the reason he has refused to see through the panes.

“Not a chance Roach, you’re not half as important. He smirks “All I’m saying is, you’re not his type, not a spec. And if he ever got interested in you, I’ll kill you before you get a chance to do anything about it.”

“Yen yen yen” I say in false mimic as I walk out his room, slamming the door behind me and biting back tears of disappointment and rejection. I wish so badly now to walk down the street a dozen times. Who knows, I might just be lucky to find him waiting for me at the other end of the alley. 

That didn’t happen. I walked down that road thrice.

Next day, 2:16pm. The door-bell rang. I walked up to it, hinged it open. 

Proud guy stands there, smiling at me and saying “HI”.

“Well, hello to you too.” I say, feigning disgust, yet my heart flips in many acrobatic turns.

“is Ade in? he croons as I let him step in

“Yeah. I think”

“Are you done working on your assignments? Ade tells me you that almost everyday” 

“He told you so” I said under my breath, half smiling. they talked about me after-all. 

“I didn’t quite get that”

"Ugh, yeah. I’ve been working really hard on this assignment for the hols. Calculus. It’s pretty high on cognition and …." 

“ready bro.” Ade’s voice chimes from the staircase.

Route of conversation changes

His gaze leaves me to Ade, and then back to me, “We’re heading Papals-ground, wanna tag along?”

I threw caution right into the wind, forgetting the allergy and almost ready to scream “yes! yes please!”

“No bro, no!” Ade is quick, altering my thoughts before I had a chance to voice out my mind.

“My sister is a heinous monster under natural UV, I wouldn’t want her burning and hiving out there in the next couple of minutes. I no fit carry problem for my head abeg.” 

He stares at me; the proud guy, and I open my mouth to say something, anything. nothing comes out, so I snap it shut. 

Ade moves him out the door again. Very tactical of him. I wearily slumped on the sofa. “I hadn’t even gotten his name”

* * * * * *

I tell Natasha the next time she visits about the tragedy of my past days. Contrary to the plan, she doesn’t feel sorry for me.

“how do you know you have a sun allergy” she says

“Are you kidding me, I sent you that photo, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but then, it might have been anything Pam.”

“Well I know for myself when I see a symptoms of sun allergy over my skin. Anyway” I shift the conversation back to the point of interest “here’s my subtle plan to win him over”

She acts deaf-eared, but still listens anyway. We talked about me walking down the street alley at evenings, not afternoons, so as to prevent the burns and hives from resurfacing. I wouldn’t want to confirm Ade’s ridicule of me being heinous. I wouldn’t want to play the protagonist in the faux story of ‘salvage the beasty Pamela.’ 

Ironically, after all my plans and strategies, I only got to see him at afternoons when I peep out my window. I never once saw him for all of my tries at the evening lone walks. The only time this happened, I was with my mum and he was headed someplace else. We didn’t say more than ‘hi.’

Two days to resumption, I called Dr. Gbaniyi, complaining bitterly about the allergy and seeking solutions to my hideousness under the sun. after a lengthy clerking, he doesn’t think I have a sun allergy, he thinks I was only reacting to a photosensitive drug. But I had never seen anyone on Doxycycline or Ciprofloxacin reacting in this manner before.

“Well, this is an idiosyncratic reaction he tells me, “It might just be peculiar to you and possibly few others.”

I didn’t know so. I didn’t know something as simple as a drug could cause such sensitive reactions under the sun. I had long stopped taking the meds but have never thought to go under the sun.

He asked me to. To go under the sun like I normally would and to give him feed-backs by the end of the day. I did, obviously skeptical of the worst.

I was still out there testing the sun when I saw him move his first luggage to the car. This proud guy who I now know to be Peter was obviously leaving town. I strode down to him 

“Hey, watsup with the luggage.” This was the first thing I thought to say. Apparently too nervous. I wondered if he noticed.

He looks over to me and smiles, “You’re out today. Pretty strange.” 

“Yeah. I um… I’m ... testing the sun.” I falter for words, skewing my eyes as I take a stare upward towards the sun.

“Testing the sun?”

“Certainly. The sun…. You see, I thought I had a sun allergy, but I’m confirming now that I don’t. I never did. I was only reacting to a photosensitive medication. I long stopped the meds but I didn’t know I could be out here all the while without reactions to it. 

“Oh, that was what Ade had meant!”

“No no! Not entirely.” I make my defense, totally embarrassed. He studies my expression and gives a quick smile. Nothing could have been more charming at the moment. 

"Well, where are you headed?"

His gaze shifts to his luggage and then to me. “School. Resumed last week, but I had to stay back to do a couple of things.”

My heart locks, unlocks, twists and turns. 

 School? He leaves now just when we could be at the peak of hanging out in this epic illumination.

“What school?” Is all I manage to voice out.

“Unilag. I am ….”

Just then his mum calls and he's got to leave.

“Sorry, got to go, still a lot to do with little time. I’ll get your number. I’ll call you.” With that he’s gone. With that the sun allergy dissipates, with that my holiday fairytale was lost. All for an allergy that never even existed. 

I strode back into room. Picked up my half read book and wandered through the Leafs. 

Green, green hydrangeas! 

Burnt by the sun

And left to rot...