The Cigarette Daydream

Submitted into Contest #9 in response to: Write a story that focuses on the relationship between siblings.... view prompt

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Dante was on the couch with Ben watching TV in their dingy, lamp-lit living room when he got the call.

It was from his little brother. Quite unusual, considering that Elijah had cut ties with Dante when he told him about Ben. He was so young, not yet out of middle school. He could hardly understand the more complex parts of life. The religious upbringing didn’t help.

“Dante,” Elijah said.

“Are you okay? Your voice is…” Dante said, concerned. Ben looked over at him and paused the show.

“Yes. Kind of. No. That’s not why I’m calling.”

“Okay,” was all Dante said. He knew his little brother would say his mind.

“It’s two things.”

“Alright.”

“First off, you were right,” Elijah said, pausing to sniff.

Dante laughed. “About what?”

“Love.”

Dante didn’t expect that. What had happened, for his stoic, stubborn Eli to have changed his mind on something that was so important to him?

Elijah continued. “It’s Gabriel. You were right. You were always right.”

Dante remembered the whisky eyed boy.

“It’s okay. Do what you need to do with him.”

Elijah sighed, like Dante had given some divine permission to love his best friend for more than a friend. “Thank you. Do you want to hear the second thing now?”

Dante nodded, but then realized that he couldn’t see him. “Yeah.” Beside him, Ben took the cigarette dangling from Dante’s fingers and inhaled.

“Mom wants you to come down. She misses you,” Elijah said. Dante knew she wasn’t the only one.

Elijah was the only one who knew about his boyfriend. The rest of the family couldn’t.

“Alright,” Dante said, snatching the cigarette back from Ben and taking a deep drag.

“She wants you to bring Ben,” Elijah continued.

Dante watched as the smoke floated up to the ceiling, tipping his head back.

“It’s okay, Dad isn’t around.”

“Alright then, Eli. I’ll see you in Illinois.” Dante said, the cheap back of the sofa digging into his neck.

Elijah hesitated for a minute.

“Eli?”

“Okay. Bye.”

And like the smoke, Elijah was gone.

The phone clicked as Dante dropped it back into the receiver.

“How do you feel about seeing my mom?” he said. There were eight spots of water mold on the ceiling, he noticed.

“Okay.” Ben said, and getting up, he turned off the TV and began to throw clothes into his duffle bag. Dante watched his back flex and move under the dim lamp light.

He knew he didn’t love Ben, but the sex was good and he wasn’t a loud man, making him good enough. Dante had given up on love after high school.

They went to bed around three a.m., had sex once or twice, and then by morning were in Ben’s ancient Toyota.

He soon texted Elijah. On our way. Address? He had forgotten it, planning to never see them again. He longed to see them, though- a life among strangers makes you long for all close things. He hated his family but he needed them, for security.

Illinois was a state away. The six hour car ride consisted of stunted conversation and comfortable silences.

Dante didn’t recognize the house they pulled up outside of.

“They might’ve moved.” Ben said, lighting a cigarette.

“Maybe.” Dante replied, staring at the peeling brown paint. “Stay here.”

He walked up to the door, and knocked twice. He could hear footsteps inside the house, and Elijah opened the door. “Hey, Eli. Your-”

Elijah ran a thin hand over his buzzed hair, a contrast to the long locks he always wore. “I know.” His cheeks and eyes were hollow, and his skin was pale.

“Can I come in?” Dante asked, seeing that he didn’t want to talk about it.

Elijah stepped aside and Dante walked in, following him to the living room.

“Uncle John? What are you doing here?”

The scruffy man pulled his old hat farther down over his balding forehead. “Can I not see my family, boy?”

Dante shrugged, turning to his mother. She looked more fragile than usual. A knitted blanket wrapped around her bony shoulders. “Where’s Dad?”

Eli spoke up when she looked at the floor. “Gone.”

“What do you mean?”

“He left.”

“Oh,” Dante said. That was a long time coming, and the scars on his back reminded him that it was also a good thing.

“Grab your stuff, boy,” John said. “Elijah will show you both the guest room.” Dante looked around the room. There was something going unsaid between his mother, John, and Elijah. He felt like a little kid again, excluded on the playground.

He walked outside, trailing an untrimmed fingernail along the walls. Ben was already standing outside, pulling their bags out of the backseat.

“Time to come in?” Ben asked, walking up to him and hugging his shoulders. Dante focused on the bags, lying forgotten on the crumbling pavement of the sidewalk.

"Yeah," Dante said, walking away from Ben's uncomfortable embrace, grabbing the bags.

He wanted to go home.

The problem was that he didn't have one. 

He inhaled, and tried to stop the tears from falling.

Through the blur of tears, he saw a man across the street, sitting in a pickup truck. He seemed familiar, but he couldn't make out any of his features except for floppy fawn colored hair.

He blinked, rubbing his eyes. The man got clearer.

No wonder Elijah was in love with him.

His eyes were so vibrant, he could see the gold from the porch. He had lost a few pounds, too- no more baby fat.

Turning away, he walked inside, Ben close behind.

Elijah opened a door, down the hall and to the left.

Ben sat down on the bed and cracked open his bag, grabbing a fresh shirt.

"I'll be back in a minute," Dante said. The faint taste of nicotine on Ben had left him hungry.

He slipped out the door and went around to the side of the building, pulling out a cigarette as he walked. He slipped a lighter out of his hoodie pocket. There were no windows on the south side of the house, and this is where he lit up.

“Mind if I join you?” A voice came from his left.

It was Gabriel.

“Okay,” Dante murmured through the cigarette. Gabriel pulled one out of his pocket, a little rumpled, and struck a match on the denim of his jacket.

Dante looked at him through his eyelashes. He had gotten thinner, but not in the gaunt way. He remembered that Gabriel’s father Chuck owned a farm, which is where that must have come from.

He was still short, shorter than Dante by almost half a foot. Wiry little thing, he thought.

“So,” Gabriel said. He had the gravelly voice of someone who smoked far more often than they should. “What are you doing back in this hellhole?”

Dante laughed, surprised this tiny man had such spunk. “Visiting the family. I’m pretty damn shocked they let my boyfriend come with.”

This time, it was Gabriel’s turn to laugh, making Dante laugh with him. He had a crooked smile, and the chuckle sounded crooked. There was a certain bitterness to his laugh, too; an anger, a spiteful thing of hate and sorrow. “You heard yet?”

Dante tried not to look confused, thinking back to the look that his family had shared. “Yeah.”

Gabriel took a long drag. “I love him. It’s too soon for him to go.”

Dante worked harder to hide his worry. “I know.”

Gabriel turned to him. “How are you doing with the diagnosis? He’s your brother, after all.”

No. No, no, no. Dante felt like he couldn’t breathe. Gabriel must have seen the shock on his face, as he swore, and grabbed Dante’s arm. “You had no idea, did you?” Dante was shaking now- his whole body, his head saying no, no, no.

“Hey. You’re okay. The cancer is only stage two, they might be able to remove it still. Eli’s okay. He’s okay.” Gabriel sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than Dante.

He was not okay.

The funeral was brief, from underfunding. They used his college funds to pay for it. The family sat in stoic silence at the top of the hill. Emotions were a weakness. They were not shown here.

Dante broke up with Ben, and hitchhiked out of Illinois and into Kansas.

He was at the supermarket one day, when a voice he had never forgotten came up behind him.

“Mind if I join you?”

October 01, 2019 02:13

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