The Secret Organisation {Part 1 }

Submitted into Contest #55 in response to: Write a story about a meeting of a secret society.... view prompt

108 comments

Mystery Thriller

Tring, Tring, Tring! “Who’s calling me at midnight at 2 pm “, said Mr. Bond.

Mr. Bond picks up the call says, “ Hello! “

“Hello! Agent no. 007.  Tomorrow there is a secret meeting. You have to come to the city hall at sharp 9 am. Other details would be messaged.”

The call cuts.

“ Hello! Which meeting for what is the meeting”, questioned himself. Is the phone of MI6. The company for I work. I think there’s another mission as it’s the secret service.

But I have told MI6 that I am on leave and in my last mission I got 6 bullets in my heart. But anyways I need to go.

Phone beeps.

“Here’s the message”, exclaim Mr. Bond. He reads the message aloud.

Agent no. 007. Tomorrow at 9 a.m you have to come to Cameroon City Hall. Then exactly at 9:05, a black car will stand near the gate. Don’t get into the car if the number is not CB 87 H 4567. Then we will take you to the place where the meeting would be conducted. You can carry your special watch as you think that you are not safe or we are going to harm you. It’s important for you to attend. So, please come to the meeting.

So, I need to go to the meeting.

It’s 8:45. I need to leave. 

Mr. Bond messages. I have reached Cameroon City Hall.

He goes and sees the car number which is near the gate. “Oh!”, this is the car.

“I am agent no. 007”, says Mr. Bond. “Come Mr. Bond”, says the driver. 

After an hour they reached their destination. It was an isolated land where no one was there. Even there was not a single tree, bird, and a drop of water.

“Where are we”, questioned Mr. Bond to the driver.

“There is a tunnel. Follow me”, answered the driver.

They walked for an hour and then they reached a small hole. The driver removed a circular key. He put the key inside the hole. Then many big holes came up. 

Mr. Bond says, “ In which hole we need to go?”

“There is a puzzle here for more security. Just come behind me”, answered the driver.  

He went to the nearest hole and dropped a can no voice came. He continued the practice. But when the last whole came he dropped the can as usual but a voice came.

“We need to jump inside this hole”, says the driver.

Then they jumped inside the hole. When they reached the bottom of the hole. There they saw a giant black door that had 24 carrot gold knob. The driver told “MI6.” A tablet came from the bottom which asked for fingerprint. Then the driver scanned his finger on the tablet. A robotic voice came from the tablet saying, “Welcome sir.” The door opened.

There was a map drawn on the first wall saying where are the different rooms in which different tasks are performed. There were a total of 25 rooms and 5 floors including the ground floor.

Then the driver takes him to the conference room which is on the 5th floor.

When they go to the conference room Mr. Bond sees Ms. Em. 

Ms. Em is the head of MI6 the secret service department.

“Ms. Em why are you here. Our headquarters are in London so, why are you here?” questioned Mr. Bond to Ms. Em.

“Wait! Bond, I will tell you everything in detail just be patient”, answered Ms. Em.

“Ok”, Ms. Em. 

Mr. Bond had many questions in his mine regarding MI6.

“Mr. Bond 2 months before when you were on leave, Mr. Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Mr. Auric Goldfinger, Mr. Jaws, Mr. Alec Trevelyan, Mr. Francisco Scaramanga, Mr. Le Chiffre, and Mr. Dr. No came together with their assistant to fought against us,” said Ms. Em.

“Then what happened Ms. Em” questioned Mr. Bond.

“Mr. Bond then they attacked us. We fought bravely but we hadn’t many agents. We need to run so, we took are software engineers with us. Then after a day, we came to this place. It was isolated so we thought to make an underground headquarters. Then we thought we should contact you but you were injured badly on the last mission and you were on leave. So, we didn’t call you.” said Ms. Em

“Where did the other agent when”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“Other agents were on leave like you”, answered Mr. Em.

“And why didn’t you call me”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“You were on leave so, we thought that when our new headquarters would be made that time we will call you”, answered Mr. Em.

“I am an agent of MI6 Ms. Em and it’s my wright to save MI6. Now I am ready for the war, I am going for it”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“Don’t go for the war, there is a big problem, bigger than the incident of the past 2 months”, answered Ms. Em.

“What’s the big problem, Ms. Em which is bigger than the incident,” questioned Mr. Bond.

“I’ll tell the problem, Mr. Bond. First, go around are new headquarters and see what new features we have added”, answered Ms. Em.

Mr. Bond Goes around the headquarters. There were many new features like invisible laser lights, invisible CCTV cameras, and many more. Many cars are building.

After  Mr. Bond goes around the headquarters. He goes to the cabin of Ms. Em to know what’s the problem.

“Ms. Em what’s the problem. Please tell know I have seen the whole headquarters”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“You know the adventurous family. The family of Smith’s. They have done many adventures in the past. Now Ben Smith’s son Rush Smith is going for an adventure to Atlantis.” answered Ms. Em.

“So, what’s the harm for going on an adventure”, say’s Mr. Bond.

“There is harm. Ben Smith conducted an audition for the partner who will go with Rush. The partner was Shane Washington the best agent of Spectre. He is going there to take all the treasure from there. So, I have appointed you for the mission. He should not take a single gram of the treasure.” exclaimed Ms. Em.

“Okay, Ms. Em. I will work on it”, exclaimed Mr. Bond

“Do well Mr. Bond”, says Ms. Em


August 15, 2020 09:43

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108 comments

I like your effort in this story! Again, some grammar mistakes here and there, but those are just steps to improve to become a better writer! I use Grammarly myself, and it helps a lot. You should try it too! Nice work!

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Amogh Kasat
05:26 Aug 16, 2020

thank you, Kendra!

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Of course!

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13:52 Aug 15, 2020

Hey, Amogh! You asked me to check this story out, so here I am. This was a great story line, and your characters were realistic/believable. But there were lots of grammatical errors throughout the entire story. If you download Grammarly, that extension should help you do better with that. It helps me for sure. Awesome job! -Brooke

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Amogh Kasat
05:27 Aug 16, 2020

thank you :) I will work on it:)

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16:45 Aug 16, 2020

You're welcome!

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Amogh Kasat
12:04 Aug 21, 2020

THIS IS NOT AMOGH, IT'S HARRY POTTER

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14:56 Aug 21, 2020

XD Sorry, Harry! I got your name mixed up with someone else. (;

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Amogh Kasat
16:51 Aug 21, 2020

It's okay because I Harry Potter is in the body of Amogh

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Amogh Kasat
09:56 Aug 15, 2020

My latest story is based on James Bond. There are some names from it.

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Akshat .
11:04 Aug 15, 2020

Nice story! There are a few grammar mistakes, but if you have Grammarly, it can sort everything out! Score: 4.6 out of 5

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Amogh Kasat
05:24 Aug 16, 2020

thank you :)

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Akshat .
07:29 Aug 16, 2020

:D

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Avery G.
15:26 Aug 15, 2020

Cool story! I liked it! Great job!

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Amogh Kasat
05:27 Aug 16, 2020

Thank you :)

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Avery G.
15:57 Aug 16, 2020

You're welcome!

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Authoring Studio
07:39 Aug 21, 2020

Would you mind reviewing my stories? I'd love your feedback!

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Amogh Kasat
10:46 Aug 21, 2020

Sure, I will :)

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Authoring Studio
07:38 Aug 21, 2020

Good story with chilling Bond vibes! I did not know that Harry could write😁

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Amogh Kasat
10:45 Aug 21, 2020

Than you :)

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Niveeidha Palani
12:26 Aug 16, 2020

A few grammar mistakes here and there, but overall a good read! PS - I strongly recommend downloading Grammarly, it really helps! ;)

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Amogh Kasat
02:17 Aug 17, 2020

thank you

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Niveeidha Palani
07:40 Aug 17, 2020

No problem :)

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Jesna Anna S.
08:24 Aug 16, 2020

Nice story! Keep writing!

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Amogh Kasat
09:03 Aug 16, 2020

thank you :)

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Jesna Anna S.
09:00 Aug 19, 2020

Welcome! I appreciate if you can take some time to read my stories and offer your comments!

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Amogh Kasat
11:09 Aug 19, 2020

sure and I will :)

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Amogh Kasat
11:09 Aug 19, 2020

sure and I will :)

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Amany Sayed
13:39 Aug 15, 2020

This was a good story. I can tell you thought up the plot and planned it well. However, it was a bit of an awkward read because of all the grammar errors. Your dialogue also felt very stiff. You don't need a dialogue tag for every single piece of dialogue. Also, don't forget to put question marks on your questions. Use conventions when writing dialogue, it'll make it flow better. Like Akshat said, think about maybe installing Grammarly, something I use personally for more help with your grammar. Keep writing! ~Amany

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Amogh Kasat
05:25 Aug 16, 2020

thank you! Actually, I have installed Grammarly.

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Amany Sayed
13:42 Aug 16, 2020

No Problem! Oh, ok!

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Hriday Saboo
11:41 Aug 24, 2020

The new one

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Hriday Saboo
11:40 Aug 24, 2020

Hey did you just delete your story

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Amogh Kasat
12:15 Aug 24, 2020

I haven't deleted any story

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Amogh Kasat
12:15 Aug 24, 2020

I have changed the name

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Sue Marsh
20:08 Aug 16, 2020

Amogh, The story line is good, there are several grammatical mistakes but one caught my eye immediately since it was part of the first paragraph: "who's calling me at midnight at 2am." It should either who is calling me at midnight or who is calling me at 2am, not both in the same sentence. Try Grammarly it really does help and it is free. Keep writing. Sue

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Amogh Kasat
02:16 Aug 17, 2020

thank you! I will work on it

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Amogh Kasat
12:05 Aug 21, 2020

IT'S HARRY POTTER NOT AMOGH

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Yolanda Wu
00:45 Aug 16, 2020

I really enjoyed reading this story, loved how everything unfolded. :)

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Amogh Kasat
05:26 Aug 16, 2020

thank you :)

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Corey Melin
16:42 Aug 15, 2020

I always loved Bond so enjoyed the story. I use grammarly and still get called out on errors so reading it out loud or if you have someone else read it before submitting or let the reedsy writers help you out. Well done with the story overall.

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Amogh Kasat
05:26 Aug 16, 2020

Thank you! I will work on my mistakes

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Awesome job!

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Amogh Kasat
11:00 Sep 02, 2020

thanks

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Rose CG
04:23 Aug 18, 2020

Nice play on the Mr. Bond storyline. I did notice a change from the first person to the third person. (But I have told MI6 that I am on leave and in my last mission I got 6 bullets in my heart. But anyways I need to go. Phone beeps. “Here’s the message”, exclaim Mr. Bond. He reads the message aloud.) The story keeps my attention. Keep safe and keep writing!

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Amogh Kasat
04:45 Aug 18, 2020

thank you :)

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02:45 Aug 18, 2020

No child ever stands up and just walks without tripping and falling. Sooner or later, the same child runs and jumps though, and the community ululates. The BEST thing is that you have the mettle. Also, you take criticism very well! Thank you for the piece! Keep writing!

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Amogh Kasat
02:51 Aug 18, 2020

thank you :)

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Charles Stucker
11:23 Aug 17, 2020

"Mr. Bond had many questions in his mine " mind "we took are software engineers with us" our software engineers "it’s my wright to save MI6" right to save For fan fiction this isn't bad. You have a complicated scene, with a fair bit of information, but spaced it expertly to avoid bogging down the story. I only see one problem- your dialogue is very stiff, but I guess that is because you are not a native English speaker. The more you write, and read, the smoother your dialogue will become.

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Amogh Kasat
11:42 Aug 17, 2020

thank you! I will work on it

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Amogh Kasat
13:05 Aug 24, 2020

! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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05:54 Aug 17, 2020

Story is so intriguing and captivating. But, I saw there was some grammatical errors because of which you were losing your coherence at many places. Keep writing. Practice makes a man perfect. Never get dishearten with the negative feedbacks.

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Amogh Kasat
05:56 Aug 17, 2020

thank you and please read and comment on my other stories

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