Messy

It was July 31, my birthday. I reached into the cooler, grabbed another popsicle wrapped in white plastic and handed it to the last person in line. The boy grinned, “Thank you!” Air whistled through the numerous gaps in his teeth. I smiled and reached for the last cherry popsicle, the one I had been saving for myself. When I looked up, I had expected the boy to be gone, but there he was staring right at me. 

“I like the beads in your hair,” he said, his mouth and tongue completely purple.

I giggled, “I can put some in your hair if you want.” As he considered this, I licked my own melting popsicle. Too late I realized all the droplets of artificial juice running down my hand and eventually onto my overalls. I let out a little squeal. A few boys coming back for more sweets saw and howled with laughter, the boy with the purple popsicle didn’t.

❋❋❋

I leaned across the center console and my dad kissed my forehead. I opened the door and ran out stopping only to turn and yell, “Bye, I love you!” He smiled and waved. 

I made a beeline for the 3rd grade hallway and entered the room we had visited during open house. Inside there were 4 circle tables with 5 chairs at each. I looked around for a place to sit. Immediately, I spotted a very familiar smile. I strolled over and took the open chair beside him. The sticker on his shirt read: danny.

❋❋❋

“Ok, now stand next to the car and do this,” I pulled down my imaginary glasses and raised my eyebrows.

“Ok,” he leaned back against the car and waited for my direction.

“3,2,1, go!,” I pressed the record button and music started playing. Danny did as I said with his real sunglasses. I stopped the video.

“Great!” I exclaimed. “Now for the next part-” I was interrupted by the commotion at the front door.

A tall man stepped onto the porch and bellowed, “Daniel!” We both flinched. “Give me back those glasses and get off my car before I...” He didn’t need to finish for us to get the memo. Danny tossed the glasses into the grass, I placed the iPod Touch in my coat pocket, and we both ran down the street screaming and laughing. Once we made it to the perpendicular road, our run from the law came to a halt. We sat on the sidewalk and gasped for air. I looked over at Danny.

“Daniel?” I scrunched up my face, taunting him.

“Yeah whatever,” he snapped, “at least my name isn’t Messy.”

I slapped his hand and proudly retorted, “It’s Missy, stupid.”

We both laughed.

❋❋❋

“Come on in sweetie,” the woman at the door cooed. I stepped inside. Danny’s home always had that old house smell, but today it was under the veil of what I assumed to be,

“Chocolate chips cookies?” My eyes widened. 

Mrs. Moreno grinned, “They’ll be done in a minute.” Her silver bracelets clinked as she gestured to the kitchen where Danny was sitting. 

“Danny, get off that game and come greet our guest.” She didn’t yell, but something in her tone told me she wouldn’t ask again. He turned his DS off and rushed over.

“Hello Missy,” He beamed.

We ate our cookies and milk in silence while Mrs. Moreno made a bed for me upstairs. After my second cookie I told Danny, “Your mom is really nice,”

“Yeah I guess so. She can be kind of scary though,” he explained absentmindedly, still laser focused on his cookie.

I brushed the crumbs off my pants and took another cookie. I was jealous of Danny. From upstairs, Daniel’s mom called, “Clean your plates once you’re done and head upstairs!”

Once we had finished and cleaned up, we ran up the stairs and got ready for bed.

“We are very lucky to have you here, Missy,” Mrs. Moreno said as she tucked us in. “We’ll be praying for your father’s appointment.” She kissed Danny and me on the forehead and said goodnight. Mr. Moreno whispered goodnight from the doorway. And before I knew it, I was fast asleep. 

❋❋❋

I took a break from the crowd and headed to the snack bar. I pulled out a dollar and bought a Snickers and a small bag of chips. They had left a few lunch tables lined out against the wall and I found an empty seat. Halfway through my chips, Danny slumped down into the chair next to mine. I handed him my Snickers and he gladly accepted.

“What’s the matter,” I inquired.

“Olive broke up with me,” he pouted and took another bite of candy bar. Daniel did enough dating for the both of us.

I stood up. “Come on, let’s dance,” I insisted. Of course, dance was an overstatement. It was seventh grade formal, we did the cupid shuffle and jumped up and down a few times. 

❋❋❋

I browsed the shelves looking for a cover that caught my eye. Nothing seemed to.

“Have you found anything yet?” I grumbled.

Suddenly an unfamiliar voice boomed from behind me, “I like your hair.” I turned. The man wore a red Dr. Pepper shirt and looked about 25. I muttered a quick thank you and scurried off to find Daniel. 

When I reached him he asked, “Is this the same author that did the Percy Jackson books?” 

“Yeah I think so,” I responded inattentively. I was busy scanning our surroundings.

“Cool, I think I’m going to get his one,” he declared, satisfied with his pick and oblivious to my state.

The now familiar voice spoke again, this time to Danny, “She looks 17.” Danny surveyed the man and my face and let out an unnatural laugh.

“She does!” He lied and then proceeded to drag me down the aisles and out of the store. 

When we made it out of the store I faltered, “You forgot your book.”

He smiled sympathetically, “Who needs an old book anyway?”

❋❋❋

The mattress springs squeaked as I sat down beside him. I placed a reassuring hand on the bracelet his cold fingers were fiddling with. The room felt static and hollow. A small sigh escaped from my mouth, I wanted to find something better to say than, How are you? Because I knew the answer and it was not okay. 

Before I found the words, Danny whimpered, “I miss her.”

My vocal strings were tight, “I do too.” And then we cried.

❋❋❋

I tapped my fingers rhymically on the steering wheel. Rain beat down on the car making small thunking noises. I didn’t have any music on, I liked the sound of rain. Finally, Daniel entered the car soaking wet. 

“What took you so long?” I adjusted my mirrors and put the car in reverse.

He put on his seatbelt. “Dad needed help with the baby,” he replied, “like always.” Sometimes it hurt being around Danny. He reminded me so much of his mom. 

“You're a good brother Danny,” I complimented him, “But a pretty lame friend.” I nudged him with my elbow. He let out a fake scoff.

I continued, “I mean come on! What could a baby do to keep your best friend waiting for 30 minutes?”

“Oh shut up,” He laughed and pushed the wheel slightly causing me to swerve a little.

We talked and told stories the whole car ride. It was nice. When we pulled up to the address, I stepped out of the car. The rain had slowed to a light drizzle. 

“Is everyone else inside already?” Daniel got out of the car.

“Actually,” he started, “it’s just gonna be me and you tonight.”

“Oh okay,” I said, a bit baffled and naive. 

We walked inside. The restaurant was a generic cheap American dine in place. Our waitress sat us in a small booth next to the window. Daniel twisted his bracelet. 

“What are you thinking about getting?” 

I stared at him. “Um, probably what I normally get,” I guessed.

“Cool, cool,” he mumbled.

When our food came the awkwardness lessened for a moment, but I couldn’t understand where the awkwardness was coming from in the first place. Danny and I had been out to eat thousands of times, why was this time so different?

At last, my question was put to rest, but not in the way that I had hoped.

“I love you, Missy,” he blurted.

“I know…” I said perplexed as to where this was coming from, “I love you too.”

“No, not in that way,” I was starting to catch up. He grabbed my hands and confessed, “Missy, I love love you.”

I pulled my hands away. “What?” .

Daniel was my best friend, he was like a brother to me. I had never felt that way about him. What was going on? 

“Do you...do you not feel the same way?” He stammered, his face flushed.

“Daniel,” my throat stung. I tried to find any part of me that loved him like he had just admitted he loved me. There was nothing. I continued, “I don’t feel that way about anyone.”

We paid and then left. He tried to convince me he would wait for his dad to come get him. I refused. The only sound as I drove were the wheels on pavement and the wind rolling by. When we reached his house I mustered up the courage to say something. 

“I’m sorry,” I was defeated. I would have done anything for Danny, but this was the one thing I couldn’t give to him.

His eyes were big and shiny, “I just need time,” he slammed the door. I told myself the least I could do was give him that. And then I cried. 

❋❋❋

I walked down the hallway and spotted Danny. I smiled at him, he didn’t smile back.

❋❋❋

“Hello, yes,” I swallowed to try and keep down my panic, “something’s going on with my dad and I don’t know what to do and-”

“Please calm down ma’am,” the woman’s voice was stern and direct, “tell me what's going on and I can send help.”

❋❋❋

The chair was scratchy and rough against my bare thighs. I had come in what I had planned on wearing to bed: loose blue shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Now, I wondered how I would ever be able to sleep again. I buried my head in my hands. My shirt smelled like my dad. I lifted my head up, he was too painful to think about. 

I tried reading some of the magazines, but they were all pretty old and pretty boring. I walked around for a little bit, but I was scared to stray too far. Eventually, I made it to the vending machine. My stomach grumbled, but I didn’t have any money. 

Beside the receptionist and the sleeping old lady adjacent to my chair, it was just me and the smell of iodoform. At least that’s what it felt like, the lady at the desk paid me no mind. I wondered if she had to deal with lonely teens a lot. At last, I collapsed back into my itchy chair and pretended to be entertained with a two year old issue of Good Housekeeping.

I lifted my eyes everytime I heard footsteps, but everytime it was never who I wanted it to be. I gave up and continued reading. 

Around 6 in the morning, I felt someone's arm brush against mine. I jumped and the magazine fell out of my hands. I looked over scowling. 

“Sorry,” the boy apologized and smiled halfheartedly. He held out a styrofoam bowl filled with melted ice cream and a cherry on top.

“I tried to find you some popsicles, but everything was closed or they were out and I was like ‘What, how are you out of popsicles?’ Anyway, I had to settle for ice cream, but I know you like cherry so-”

I leaned across the armrests and wrapped my arms around his neck, squishing the bowl in between us. 

“And there she goes again,” He sighed and I pulled away giggling. “You always have to live up to your name don’t you, Messy.”

I studied both of our shirts. My shirt had an abstract circle of chocolate in the abdomen area, but he had a huge chocolate blob smeared all over his pajama shirt. I held a hand to my mouth so I wouldn’t laugh. 

Once we had both settled down I asked, “What are you doing here?”

“My dad saw the ambulance leave. He got me up and told me,” Danny recalled. “So I rushed over here, after stopping for ice cream of course.” He motioned to our shirts and the bowl that was now residing in the trash can.

I inspected him. It sounds dumb, but he seemed older. His smile was more weathered, more sad. His wrist was red, no doubt from twisting his silver bracelet too much. Daniel’s hair was darker, more like his mother’s. And the wild look in his eyes was replaced by the large bags underneath them.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I concluded. 

“I’ll always be here.”