I'll Never Let You Say Goodbye

Brandon stared at the letter in his hand. He felt a multitude of emotions. He couldn’t believe that he had actually gotten into Columbia University with almost a full ride. He was happy that he had gotten in. He wasn’t sure if he would without an all A record. He was sad because he realized that if he accepted the offer, he would move away from his mom and friends.

           What would his mom say? For the longest time, it had just been Brandon and his mom. His dad was off somewhere. Maybe he had a new son out there. Maybe that son was better and that’s why he had never come back. His mom had tried to move on from Brandon’s father, but she ran out of every date crying. She said that when she was sitting at a restaurant without Brandon, it just didn’t feel right. She refused to go on any more dates after mystery guy number three.

           “I got my scholarships all approved! I received a letter today!” Brandon spoke into the speaker on his small phone.

           “That’s awesome man!” Doug’s voice was oozing with excitement. “I got my acceptance letter yesterday! We are totally room together.” Doug was a small built boy. He could barely hold his own in a game of dodgeball. Somehow, he always had a girlfriend. He had some hidden charm that Brandon could not find for the life of him.

           They talked for a while about dorm rooms and classes before Brandon’s mom yelled that dinner was ready.

           “I should go, Doug.”

           “Don’t forget to tell your mom. Tell her it’s really important to you and that you will only be a couple hours away.” After Doug said this, he hung up leaving Brandon sitting in silence. He thought about how to ease his way into this conversation with his mom.

           As soon as he opened his door, his senses went into overload. He smelled baked chicken, spicy green beans, and pan fried potatoes. He sat down at the table and dished himself some of the delicious smelling food.

           “Mom how was your day?” Brandon began.

           “It was fine son. How was yours?”

           “It was really good actually!”

           “I might—"

           “Hold that thought. Is this chicken too dry? I’m going to get some BBQ sauce. This is sticking in my throat.” Brandon’s mom rose from the table and crossed quickly into the kitchen He frowned. He needed a way to tell her. Before dinner, he had signed the online paperwork and submitted it. He wanted to be packed up in a month so that he could move up there before classes, get settled, and figure things out with Doug. Doug had already said that Brandon was going to be his roommate and promised to fill out all of the paperwork tonight. Brandon had a whole month to tell his mom that he would be leaving her nest and moving to New York.

           “I couldn’t find the BBQ sauce, so I guess we’ll just have to suffer through it. Sorry buddy.” His mom returned to the table and smiled at him. “I wanted to discuss something with you. My work needs me to work extra hours this month. I’ll be at the office from eight o’clock to six thirty, at least. This will be good though. We can get a little extra money.” Brandon’s mother worked as a reporter. She mostly just did the editing, but every once in a while, they would call her in to report. “Maybe we can take a big trip next year. We should have enough to go then.” Brandon smiled. Inside he was worried. If he couldn’t save up enough money to pay rent for the dorms, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to go.

           “I’m going to get a job this summer.” His mom’s eyebrows rose in surprise. The last time he had a job, he quit after two years of hard work. He had worked at an ice cream shop and hoped that after all of the time that he had spent there, they would give him a raise. When he had asked, the boss refused. When Brandon looked into his salary even more, he realized that his boss wasn’t paying him correctly. He would work twenty hours every week, but the amount was different almost every time. He always got his tips upfront, so he knew that that wasn’t what it was. Instead of sticking around, Brandon had put in his two weeks’ notice. His mom had been very understanding and started handling more hours of work to make up for Brandon’s loss of income.

           His mom just nodded and smiled at the thought. He called his friend and got a job moving people in and out of their houses.

           After almost three weeks, Brandon had made enough to pay the rent for two months. He was excited about his upcoming move and boxed up a lot of his room. After moving people, packing and hefting his own stuff to his truck was easy as pie. His mom came home as he was loading his last box. Her eyes watered. He went to hug her, but she climbed back into her car and drove away.

           If his mother returned that night, Brandon didn’t hear her come in. He decided to go to her office. When he got there, he asked the receptionist to see his mom. When he got to her office, he sat across the desk from her. Her eyes were ringed with red. She wouldn’t meet his eyes and tried to act busy. It was obvious that she wasn’t getting anything done.

           “Mom, I want to go to college. I got almost a full ride. All I need is a couple thousand and rent for the dorm. I already have enough for two months. I am rooming with Doug. Everything is packed and ready. There’s just one last thing that I need to do.” Brandon’s mom straightened in her chair as her boss walked into her room. He took a seat next to Brandon, but it was like Brandon wasn’t even there. Apparently, there had been some crisis in the world, and he needed mom to get on that pronto. She nodded as he gave her a location and then the two of them hurried out of the room, leaving Brandon waiting in the quiet office. He sighed. He had two more days. He could wait a few hours. He had delivered all of his stuff to Doug, who was leaving in a few hours.

           Brandon went home and spent the day in the living room. He managed to watch three whole movies before his mom walked in. She was tired and smelled like smoke. She didn’t want to talk and went straight into the shower. Brandon made omelets and waited at the table for his mom to come out. When she finally did, they sat eating for a while before Brandon decided he needed to say something.

           “Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I know what it means to you that we stay together, but I need to go. I worked hard to get the scholarships and acceptance into the school. Plus, it’s only two hours from her to New York. I could come down every weekend if that’s what it takes.”

           “It sounds like you already have a plan.”

           “I do. I am leaving tomorrow with or without your blessing. I just wanted to say—” The doorbell rang. Goodbye. I wanted to say goodbye, Brandon thought. His mom stood quickly to get it. Her friend stood in the door. Every Thursday, his mom invited one of her friends over for a movie and wine. Brandon knew to steer clear of whatever rom com they were watching. He went to his room and lied on his bed until he drifted to sleep.

           Brandon awoke to the sound of his alarm clock. He had to leave. Time to say goodbye to his mom. No more distractions, he just had to say it and go. He went into the kitchen as his mom bustled about preparing herself for the day. She had her purse slung over one shoulder and her computer bag on the other. She scrabbled for the peanut butter knife and slathered a large dollop into the middle of a piece of bread. She smothered the other slice of bread with jelly. She quickly wrapped it and shoved it into a paper bag. She grabbed her coffee and headed for the door.

           “I’m so late today. Love you. Bye” His mom rushed out the door without even looking at Brandon. He frowned and grabbed his keys. It wasn’t the goodbye that he wanted, but he needed to go set up. She would see him sometime. He left a note on the table. It simply listed his address. He got into his truck and drove away.

           The dorm room was very snug and decorated like the inside of a ship cabin. The walls were a fake wood and there was a circular window that was supposed to be a nice lookout but looked out onto a brick wall. Doug was happy, and Brandon got everything in order. Doug ordered a pizza, and the two sat in front of the TV watching the news for a while. They heard a knock at the door and shambled over to answer it. Brandon’s mother stood framed in the door. She had tears running down her cheeks. She tackled Brandon in a fierce hug.

           “You didn’t say goodbye. I was going to make you a special meal and drive you here myself. I’m sorry. I love you.”

           “I love you too Mom.” Brandon smiled for the first time in a few days. This was never about goodbye; this was a see you later.