Top Ten Reasons Not to Make the Report

1. Your mother won't believe you. She has seen and heard too much for her to believe for one second that you're some sort victim. Oh, poor you. She will accuse of you of being jealous. Because all her life, she was so beautiful that everyone was so jealous of her. Every person who has ever mistreated another did so because they were jealous of the other person. There is no other logical explanation. And he obviously isn't jealous of a ratty slut, which means you're the one with the jealousy problem. And your deceit, your lies, your backstabbing have left your sister heartbroken.

2. Your sister will lose her mind. She is innocent, a bystander in the line of fire. You know she knows something, or senses, or has seen something. But you will be shocked when she runs in the other direction and falls at his feet. This is after saying she wanted to divorce him. And you proved that he had been acting unfaithful. In other ways, with other people. And you think that perhaps she would want to know, but you're wrong. And the burden of proof is on the accused. And the messages on Messenger will go unread for years to come, but you can't open them and see her pain. You can't witness the atrocity she faces, and wonder every day if it was even necessary. Because no, it wasn't necessary. You would have healed no matter what.

3. People who believe you at first will turn away from you after awhile. Like the brother who said, “you shouldn't be afraid to report this.” He gave you strength and courage, didn't he? So supportive, so sincere. He needs to pay, he gets “what is coming to him.” You will hear this a lot. They will say you're doing the right thing, as if they know what that is. And now two years later the brother doesn't call on Christmas anymore. He accidentally texts when he gets too drunk. I miss you sis. The next day. I said what?

4. Children will suffer. The children who already suffer will suffer more. They will lose their loved ones. They will lose too much. They will never again speak to their beloved cousins, or their father. The family will fracture. They will remember things that feel like dreams because how could they be real? And they will wonder if they're crazy. And the nieces, they will be destroyed. Don't destroy them. Don't be the one to tear them apart. Let someone else be the one. Because they live under a shadow of evil and destruction is nigh. So don't be the one. Let someone else.

5. They will interrogate your child. They will place your thirteen year old daughter in a room in front of strangers, not knowing who her allies are, and he will be there too. And they will grill her for four hours about things that happened years ago. And she will cry the whole time. And remember how he used to rock her to sleep, and make her pancakes, and here she is telling on him. And now she is a tattle-teller. And she will have the black cloud of tattling over her head the rest of her life.

6. If he dies in prison, it will be your fault. So says the mother who was beautiful and everyone was jealous, and this is why so many people hate her. Because of their own jealousy. She says his death will be a black cloud that will follow you around for life. Because it would be as though you had killed him. And this gives you nightmares that make you jerk awake.

7. After you recant, you will be treated like a perpetrator by the District Attorney. They will threaten you with felonies and say that you lied. Because it was never about protecting victims. It was about getting the kill, that's all. And your feelings don't matter, you're nothing. Nobody. A nothing and a nobody. And once you recant you become prey. They will tell people marginally related embarrassing secrets you told them in your report. They will mention details nonchalantly to people you didn't want to know during the course of business like your trauma is cheese and crackers. And this is after they cherry pick your report. They will censor you, rearrange your words, remove things that you think are important. They will treat your report like a drunken whore, violate and ransack it, twist your meaning and rape your voice, pimp you out to the next DA, delete you and deflate you and never ask once if you need to use the bathroom or get a drink.

8. People knowing about your trauma doesn't change the fact that it happened. Suffering in the light or the dark is still suffering. Suffer in private. When you expose your wounds, everyone will want to look and “ooh” and “ahh.” And some can't look away. But what are worse are the ones who look and wince. You will want to hide your wounds and suffer in the privacy of darkness. People don't have to know in order for you to get better. And that is a shocking truth that defies everything we hear all day every day. And you may choose not to speak about the thing. And that is perfectly okay. You, also, have the right to remain silent.

9. You are not responsible for the things he does, has done, or will do in the future. They will say, it's “your job” to stop him. No. It's not your job. Don't believe that you have control over the actions of another because you then become responsible for them in a roundabout way, right? They only want the kill. They need your story to get the case in the bag. Or they need your MeToo for their blog. Then they are done with you. He is responsible for the things he does. If he chooses to go on and harm again, do not let them blame you. Let someone else be the one. Don't pick up that weight.

10. Justice is actually sad irony. Whether you report or not, you will lose something. Just don't bother.