A hollow night in an elevator

Submitted into Contest #58 in response to: Write about a character who’s stuck in an elevator when the power goes out.... view prompt

7 comments

Thriller

" I'm sorry sir but there was nothing more………….." I was trying to explain the situation to the old man as I came out from the ICU ward. Before I could complete my sentence the old man grabbed my collar. 

" What!!..you couldn't save my child? Do you mean you couldn't or that you didn't?”

“He was fine when he came to the Hospital! You let him die! You might as well have killed him..right?” 

“You are as bad as a murderer……..You killed my child..You are a murderer" 


The old man kept on shouting at me while he was holding my collar, I was panicking now..

" Let go of me….. Leave me alone sir please!.......Security, Security, where the hell are the Security Guards ?" I shouted at the nurse.

After few moments, that seemed like ages, Security arrived and the guards pulled the old man away from me. Only then could I take a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry Agastya, the old man was just distraught, he had lost his child. I’m sure you can understand." Sabrina tried to console me. I just shook my head, still breathing a little more heavily than usual.


I explained “I was sleeping peacefully in my bed when she called me to inform me that there was an emergency case at the hospital and no other doctor was available at the time.”

 “I had to come even though it was ten 'o clock. When I arrived at the ICU ward I found that the man was already dead. Maybe it was an accident and he might have died on the spot.”


" What were you all thinking? Why didn't you check his pulses before calling me here?..that man might have died two hours ago! Not only did you disturb my sleep, but also caused me to encounter that horrible man"


" Sorry sir” replied Sabrina “It was called in as an emergency case and I was afraid that a delay might be life threatening so I called you first to be on the safe side, before checking”

Sabtina was looking at me strangely “You are not looking good sir, should I bring you a glass of water." She said while I was trying to take deep breaths

“No..I'm fine..I need to go home now.." I said her and rushed towards the elevator. Before entering the elevator my phone rang, it was Rahul who was calling me. “Its eleven oclock whats wrong with everyone tonight?, why are you calling me at this time?" I was upset because of the incident that happened just few minutes ago.


Rahul said "Agastya, it's Ridhima.." His voice was sounding hoarse.

I asked "Ridhima?  What happened to her?”

“Because of her absence I had to work a double shift today. Tell her that she will have to treat me to a good dinner." I told Rahul lazily. “Agastya, Ridhima is dead" 

"What!!..how? How could she be dead, we met her last night how?" I asked


It was like a bomb that had exploded now. I couldn't believe it. 

"Her dead body was found at the graveyard this morning. It was all because of us Agastya, we killed her I'm hanging up now Good night." 

I was stunned, scared, and filled with remorse, I started pulling my hair out of frustration. Telling myself “Agastya, what have you done? 

You killed her, you are really a murderer” 


My subconscious mind told me that it was all because of me. I put my hands on my chest , trying to hold my heart that was pounding and entered the elevator. 

Even though it was a winter night, I was feeling hot , sweat was rolling down my cheeks. The elevator started at 5th floor but after coming to the 4th floor suddenly it stopped. 


I thought there would be some technical issue like a power cut but how long I would have to wait there? I knew that the night security guards were lazy at our hospital. They must be sleeping. I was panicking now. I took off my jacket, tried to call for help but my phone was out of network. 


I started shouting for the security guards but my voice couldn't reach outside of the elevator. I waited for a long time but the elevator didn't start. It was a really bad day for me. First, I encountered that horrible scene with the old man and then got the news of Ridhima’s death and now this elevator. I was frustrated but then the elevator suddenly started after nearly 30 minutes and I sighed with relief. When the elevator arrived at the third floor, a girl dressed in white gown with long hair entered the elevator. It was dark outside and I didn't see her face clearly, I wasn't really interested. 

As soon as the elevator doors closed, the power again cut off and this time I couldn't control my self. "What the hell is going with the electricity at this freaking hospital?" and I kicked the side of the elevator. Then my gaze fell on the girl who was standing still where she had been, she was not moving a bit. 

I said "Hey sorry for my behavior, actually I have been stuck in the elevator for 30 minutes and the power has cut off again. By the wasy are you a patient or a relative of any patient here?" 

She replied "Doctor" without turning round. I was stunned, I didn't expect to see a doctor here because I’d been told there were not any doctors here at this time.


Her voice was very deep as if her voice was like a male voice but it was sounding quite familiar too. She reminded me of someone and I took hols of her arm and turned her towards me to look straight at her face. 


I got a shock when I saw her, I took two steps backward and muttered

 "Ri..Ri..Ridhima?.. What on earth…..." 

I then glanced at her dress, it was the same dress she wore last night and I also felt very cold while touching her wrist as if I was touching a dead body.

In my subconscious mind I thought “What does it mean? Is she a ghost?'

 She spoke "What are you thinking Agastya? Now do you believe in ghosts? Hahaha.."

I gulped and the flashback of last night struck my mind. Last night a group of us were returning home from the Birthday party of our friend but on the way my car got some problems and there wasn't a garage open so we decided to go the rest of the way on foot. After some time we were passing by a graveyard and Ridhima started reciting hymns “Hanuman Chalisa” and we all started laughing. I said to her "What are you doing? You are a doctor yet you still believe in this type of shit”, teasing her. 

" So what, if we Don't know about something, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Years ago we didn't know about other planets but look how many planets exist, if Science doesn't find any ghosts, it doesn't mean that they aren't any ok." She replied and I laughed out loudly. 

"I can prove that they don't exist" I said playfully

"How ?" She asked, I smiled evilly while glancing at my friends then picked her up in my arms.

" What..what are you doing Agastya? Put me down, Leave me, leave me now" She kept shouting at me but I didn't listen to her.

I Opened the gate of Graveyard and entered. After reaching the middle, I saw a rope was lying there then I placed Ridhima under a huge tree and started tying her to the tree. " What are you doing Agastya..for God sake please leave me..you won ok..but please let me go.." She kept begging me but I said " No you don't believe me otherwise you wouldn't be afraid of this place. You will spend whole night here and only then you will believe that ghosts don't exist." 


I left her in the graveyard and walked home. "What have you done Agastya, its too much, let's go and free her "Rahul tried to make me change my mind but I was too stubborn, I didn't go back and didn't let anyone else go back there.


But today a few minutes ago I heard the news of her death but now she was standing before my eyes with horrible look. 

"You left me in a graveyard, you were right, I didn't see any ghost there but I died. I died of heart attack, but the reason behind my death was you, but now you see ghosts exist. ghosts exists...hahaha..." 


She started Laughing horribly, I was scared now, very scared of her. I started banging the sides of the elevator and shouting for help “Please..help me..somebody help me..Open the elevator..Open it now.." 


Although I knew that my voice would not reach outside, I continued. Soon I started suffocating while she was laughing evilly.

 " Agastya, I died without any reason. Now you will accompany me, you were my good friend when I was alive, now I want you to accompany me after death also...hahaha.." I turned towards her, she was coming towards me with a devilish look. 

“No, please Ridhima, don't do this, I'm sorry now, please forgive me, I believe what you said, now please let me go." 

I pleaded with her while holding my pounding heart and I started feeling great pain in my chest. Something was wrong with my heart, as a doctor I understood that.

She continued “Let you go, hah?  I also requested you to let me go but did you hear? No, you didn't. So why would I hear now?, hahaha" 

This time I didn't say anything and fell down while holding my heart. I started struggling for my breath, my eyes were closing now, my whole body was sweating. But then I saw the change in Ridhima's expression. Her devilish look faded away. She rushed towards me, started panicking.


"Oh my God..Agastya what happened to you, look I'm so sorry but I'm not a ghost, see I'm breathing, touch me, It was just a prank.”


“I rubbed ice on me, that's why I was cold. Rahul had freed me last night and we made this prank to scare you, that old man was also in our plan, we use a dead body to create for you the horrible scene.”

 “It was Rahul cutting the power to the elevator. Agastya please. hold on.  Oh God, what will I do now, Rahul said that he will fix the power to the elevator after thirty minutes. Agastya please hold on only fifteen minutes are more. No..no..Don't close your eyes please" 

She started banging on the elevator recklessly while shouting for help. "Open this freaking elevator..please...somebody help me..please help...please.. Agastya..hold on..I will save you.. just ten minutes now..hold on..everything will be fine.." 


I'm a doctor, I know that I'm not going to make it. 10 minutes is too long as my heart is worse now. I could only manage to say..

" Ri..Ri..Ridhima.. it's useless now..it's a hea...heart..heart attack...................." 

She cried

" No..Agastya..open your eyes..Agastyaaaa"

September 11, 2020 16:20

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7 comments

Meggy House
12:18 Sep 18, 2020

Wow! This sure was a twisty story! It escalated brilliantly: I was not expecting any of the deaths. I really like how you described Ridhima's death after shocking us with her death. You wrote Agastya's guilt beautifully. And the end...the end was very powerful. This was well written with a wonderful concept! Keep writing :)

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Laiba Noor
08:30 Sep 19, 2020

Thanks for ur feedbacks, I'm glad that to hear that people feel what I wanted to tell through my story.. ☺

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Meggy House
12:17 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you for your writing!

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Kristin Neubauer
14:52 Sep 12, 2020

Oh my gosh! That is a terrifying story, Laiba - I loved it! There's no way I could have predicted any of the twists and turns. You wrote everything so well and it was such a chilling concept - and the final twist, yikes! I was into it from beginning to end - well done!

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Laiba Noor
15:56 Sep 12, 2020

Thank you so much.. I'm glad to hear that from you as I was too obsessed with your story with the same prompt ☺.

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Anshika Goyal
12:07 Sep 12, 2020

This is a nice story, although the concept is too plain, you truly made us feel her. Here are some things you should check: You should check the ellipses, they aren't standard anywhere, they should be three no more or less than that. I would like it if you check out two of my recent stories! And of course, you should check out-'Hiraoka Aika', if you want to understand what I mean by the plain concept...

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Laiba Noor
13:13 Sep 12, 2020

I didn't get what you are trying to say by ' three no more no less' but I would love to read your stories. I will read ' Hiraoka Aika' after sometime.

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