The sound of the ocean

The water is troubling.  

The thunder roars; black clouds conquer the sky and the water endeavors to reach the shore. The waves pull and they reach. They're more turbulent, more restless as the moment passes. She feels the water as it splashes against her skin. It's cold and yet alluring.

The thunder roars again, and this time, lightning strikes. The air cackles as hues of white lighten the darkened sky. The ocean seems to sense the shift; it becomes treacherous, hostile, and dangerous. 

She takes a step forward and takes a breath. This is it. 

She looks towards the distance, towards as far as the eyes can see. A tune echoes through and her ears perk up. There's a song being sung in the distance, she thinks. A siren seems to hum. She clenches her hand, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

The siren sings again. Her voice haunts; it pulls. It calls on to her, speaks to her of promises, of a sweet embrace, of miseries and their ends. It speaks of escape and relief. The ocean is treacherous, but for a moment, she wonders, could it be warm, too? 

Would she finally be able to soak in warmth?

She breathes; thunder roars again. She breathes; waves splash against her body: she realizes she is halfway through. She is soaked. It rains, it rains. But water is halfway up to her waist. It doesn't matter. 

What is there to live for?

The ocean opens its arms. She closes her eyes, and she embraces it as if it was her home.

---

Aphra is on her way home when the plans change. It's afternoon, and Sarah Ahmed wants to celebrate the day away. 

It's how she finds herself there. Head leaning against the car seat, she pushes her glasses off and turns to look toward her friend. "Beach, really?"

Sarah closes her eyes, ever unrelenting, letting out a breath as she breathes into the scent. "The air's so fresh!"  

"We came here for fresh air?" Aphra asks, raising her eyebrows. "We could've had that right outside my house. We do have a park, you know"

"This is not about the park, Aphra. This is about taking in and enjoying nature. The sound of the ocean, the breeze---it's like a reset. Besides" Sarah scoffs and swirls her boba cup. "Should I let you lock yourself in that room for days? You barely get out"

"I do go out" she protests. Sarah looks at her, expression deadpan as she interjects, "And remind me please, when was the last time you put that book down to hang out with me?"

And Aphra wants to protest-but it's been fifteen days, and so the complaints die upon her tongue. Sarah smirks. "That's what I thought"

"Come on, it's fun!" At the insistence, Aphra sighs and puts the empty cup back into the holder. An idea pops out to Sarah, and she straightens. 

"Tell you what?" There's a glint in her eyes as she places her cup back as well and Aphra does not like that look, "-The last to reach the shore is going to pay for lunch"

Aphra snaps her head around, "-wait, what?"

But by the time her friend's words sink in, the woman is already out of the car. Aphra yelps as she struggles to take off the belt seat. "That is so not fair"

From outside, Sarah laughs. 

---

The ocean is a breath of fresh air. 

As fresh as it can be, and Sarah's company is a joy. 

(It is always easy to live, with Sarah.)

They tug each other; joke around. They buy ice cream from the nearest store, and they stutter along. The air is fresh andthe sand burns as they dig their bare feet in.

They don't go near the water, though. Sarah insists, but Aphra doesn't want to soak her clothes. Sarah relents and decides to sit close to the shore. The waves reach, they tug at her and every time they do, Sarah laughs.

It surprises Aphra; to see such joy in something so little. But she lets out a smile at her friend's antics. Especially, at how Sarah lives and views the world. (She makes her want to live it too). Sarah decides to go far, Aphra insists she not swim, but Sarah does.

Only a few minutes pass when her phone rings. Her eyes stretch towards her friend. Aphra takes a breath and retreats to the car. 

She turns the radio on, and the sound of the ocean blends in as she picks up.

"Where are you?" the voice is anxious.

Aphra raises her eyebrows, "what's wrong?"  

"Where are you?" the voice insists, then. 

She is suddenly reminded of that day. She can hear cries and screams. She blinks. Her eyes soften. They blink upon the shore, towards the waves. They seem to reach, they seem to pull.  

Something settles then. 

"At Sarah's" 

"Did Sarah mention something about going-" she cuts herself as she seems to ponder on her next words, and she sighs "-nevermind"

Aphra can hear the sound of the waves, she basks in relief that her mother does not. 

"Mom" she cuts off, her head leaning against the seat. "-don't worry, I'll be back home by 9, sharp." -she takes a breath and adds, " I'll be safe, promise."

Her mother doesn't say anything. Silence prolongs. "Okay" she seems to settle, but there's a relief that takes place in her tone. And Aphra feels it, the sickening feeling that creeps into her blood. 

She is about to end the call when her mother speaks again. "-I love you, alright?"

And there is hope in her mother's words and so much love, that it radiates in waves.

Aphra smiles with gratitude, her eyes glisten as she whispers. "I love you too"

She hopes her mother feels it too. 

The call ends and her eyes waver over the ocean before she takes a breath and goes out. 

---

Sarah doesn't question her as she walks back. And neither Aphra tells. Things settle into what they were. They joke and laugh around. 

And there is so much to live for. As she feels the rays of the sun sink into her skin. As the air passes by, it whisks. The realization sets in, not with strangeness but with a tug of familiarity. 

They take pictures. It seems like a perfect day. It feels like it too. There's joy in her chest. And there is joy in the air. People laugh and talk as they take in the sun.

There is so much to live for. 

But happiness -Aphra will realize with a heavy heart- happiness is a breeze, present in one moment and gone in the next. It would take her time to adapt to it too.

Happiness doesn't last forever.

Her eyes waver towards the shore in a spit of the moment, and she stills. 

There is a body upon the shore. She hears a frightened scream. 

And as she runs towards the ocean, Aphra black cannot breathe.

---

Hands pull her up. 

And suddenly, she can breathe again. 

She cannot see, but she hears it. Someone calls her. Someone shakes her. 

Her lungs struggle to breathe, and her heart races.

She's alive, she realizes.

And then she hears it, the sound of sirens. She hears the sound of the waves she's been torn from too.  

Her heart beats. She chokes. 

And then, Aphra Black knows no more. 

---

A towel is draped over her body. Aphra Black blinks. Sarah stands before her, hands trembling, Aphra gives her a shaky smile. 

Her head turns towards the stretcher, where the woman is put into the ambulance. Aphra turns her eyes away. She hates the sound of the siren, she realizes. 

"You saved her in time" Sarah whispers as she sits along. Aphra gives her a smile, shaken, it doesn't reach her eyes. "I tried"

"Are you okay?"

Aphra doesn't say anything. Sarah doesn't press again. They're both shaken. Beyond the core. The sound of the doors clicks, moments pass and the siren becomes a distant memory.

A part of her is glad that it does so. 

Sarah stands up then and forwards her hand. Aphra takes it silently and they both make their way to leave. No word is spoken, no words need to be. Aphra doesn't insist on driving and her friends make her sit in the passenger seat. 

The car roars to life, then. Aphra leans her head against the seat as Sarah turns the heater on. 

Water clings to her still. Aphra breathes again. Slowly, she wraps her arm against herself and clutches the blanket stronger. 

The car takes onto the road. Sarah turns the radio on, and the voice of the ocean eases in the sound of chatter. It seems to.  

But Aphra can hear it. She can hear the sound of the ocean, it's present, still. Barely there, but she can hear the whispers of it. She looks out of the window. 

In the distance, the water bristles, reaching the shore and moving away. The sun seems to bis its farewell. There is no rain, and neither there are dark clouds upon the brink. The weather is calm, the sun is bidding its farewell and the ocean is not troubling.

She blinks, and the present seems to set in. Water drips from her complexion, and she breathes again. Knuckles ease. And she breathes, in and out. 

She can still hear those screams, still. She remembers the siren, the little machine humming in the back. The needles piercing through her skin. She can hear the panic of the doctors, and the cries of her father.

Trying to save a life. Her life. 

Sometimes she can hear herself too, drowning; trying to reach the shore. She blinks, silence sweeps in, and the ocean looks at her. Something akin to relief whisks over her then, as the wind picks up. Unrelenting.

She is glad she isn't anymore. Drowning, that is.   

The ocean is only an ocean. And the ocean is far. She's farther away from it too. And it's been such a long journey. A harder one too. And there is so much to live for, she realizes. 

She hopes the women she saved do too. 

Aphra Black blinks, and she breathes again. And as the distance takes presence, and the ocean sweeps away; from her eyes and her reach, she focuses on the present. Aphra lives again. She is glad she does.