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Romance

“You know the news? Clarke’s son is back in town.”

I was in the small supermarket when I heard the two gossips in the next aisle, and I almost dropped my oranges. Clarke… In a flash, I saw his thin body dripping with water as he pulled himself out of the pool, the tattoo on his left shoulder, his short black hair, his big smile. Clarke, the high school star who became an outcast because of me.

“Do you think he’s still...?”

“Of course, he still is! It’s not a disease that can be cured.”

Thank God, even in a small town in the middle of nowhere, being gay was no longer considered a disease. Was Clarke planning to stay? Would life be bearable for him here? Would he … would he even want to see me again?

“Dad? I’d like to take this one.” My teenage daughter Samantha, a hanger with a blue dress in her hand, was looking at me with curiosity. I saw Chelsea, her twin sister, further back in the background. Welcome back to reality, Jimmy Reed.


* * *


We were dining in the garden, Chelsea insisted on cooking vegetable lasagna. It was their late mother’s favorite pasta. Why tonight of all nights? Did she sense something was wrong? I took a closer look at my daughter… Of course, she sensed something was wrong. Chelsea had always been very sensitive. And Samantha had understood her sister long before I had. I finally noticed that she was discreetly monitoring Chelsea and me.

“All right, girls,” I said, putting my fork on the table. “Let’s talk.”

Two pairs of eyes promptly turned to me.

“Are you afraid of him?” Samantha attacked straight away, “Clarke’s son, I mean,” she explained to her sister. “He’s back, I was with Dad when we heard about him at the supermarket this afternoon.”

Chelsea opened her eyes wide. She was scared. I curse myself for not thinking of assessing their perception of this matter sooner. I had naively believed that my involvement in Clarke’s disgrace hadn’t been discussed for at least twenty years.

I swiftly bent over and grabbed a hand of each of them. As usual, they completed the circle by joining their free hands across the table.

“Clarke won’t hurt me. Don’t believe the old gossip, he never did.”

“He didn’t force himself on you?”

With a twinge of sorrow, I recognized the tactful expression that town’s people used at the time.

“Never. That’s what my father told everyone, but Clarke never forced himself on me.” I swallowed. “Clarke is my first love.”

“Oh! Are you gay?” Chelsea seemed surprised. And relieved.

“Bi” Samantha immediately corrected. “Wow, that’s so cool!”

I blushed. Girls these days…


* * *


A few days later, I was walking down Main Street back to the office after lunch when a deep voice called out to me. The same deep voice that had haunted my dreams for twenty-five years. I stopped dead and turned around.

Clarke was smiling shyly at me, only two feet away. A few gray locks in his black hair, a few extra pounds but not too much, as handsome as ever.

“Hey, don’t cry, silly boy,” he murmured.

“Dust in the eye,” I muttered, looking away.

“Sure. Take your time.” He waited patiently.

Finally, I took a deep breath and faced him again. “I’m sorry. It’s good to see you again, Clarke, you look well.”

“Thank you. It’s good to see you too.” His smile became more tender. “You’re a grown man now… I heard you’ve become a lawyer, you’ve done very well.”

It was the least I could do for you … but I couldn’t tell him that, and I waved my hand vaguely, embarrassed. “I heard you came back because of your father’s health. How’s he doing?”

He grimaced. “Well enough to yell at me, he’s not at the end of the road yet.” His smile faded. “He told me you lost your wife three years ago. I’m sorry, Reed.” He really was. Clarke was always so kind.

“Thank you. She’d been sick for a long time, I think it was a relief for her.” Silence. “I have two daughters, fifteen-year-old twins. Would you like to meet them? Would you like to come over for dinner one night?”

Clarke danced from one foot to the other, moved. “I’d like that, yes. Which night?”

“Tonight?”

“Perfect! I’m looking forward to this evening…” His smile, his gaze, made my heart leap in my chest.


* * *


“Jimmy, why don’t you leave that file alone and get some coffee?” my associate exclaimed in an exasperated tone. She dragged me into the small kitchen, pulled our two cups out of the drip tray and poured us some coffee.

“I’m sorry, Sheryl, I can’t concentrate this afternoon.”

“I saw you talking to a man I don’t know, earlier. With the rumors going around town these days, I assume he’s Mr. Clarke’s infamous son.”

Sheryl was a plump little woman never too shy about sharing her opinions, my late wife’s best friend since childhood and godmother to my daughters. I didn’t know what to say to her.

“You seemed to be having a good time,” she said.

I recalled Clarke’s smile. “I had.”

She slowly turned her cup in her hands. “And when you were young? Did you have a good time with him, too?”

She was fishing for the truth… I wanted to get up and leave, but I’d promised myself a long time ago that if Clarke came back, I’d never be a coward again. I just kept sitting there. “When we were young, we were in love with each other. Clarke took all the blame on him to protect me and left town.”

I had let him sacrifice his bright future so that I could live as if nothing had happened. Finish high school, date girls in college, get a good job, marry a beautiful woman and even have children. Because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was in love with a man. Because I didn’t want Clarke’s sacrifice to be in vain.

“Why didn’t you go with him?”

“Because I was a coward. I saw how they treated him after a mere kiss, how my father… I got scared.”

Sheryl nodded. “You were young. People weren’t open-minded back then.” She looked down at her cup, turned it slowly in her hands. “Jennifer once told me that you loved her, but that you weren’t in love with her.” She looked up. “Did you tell her?”

“No, never.” It could only have hurt her. I thought about my daughters, they must have learned the story after their mother died, or Jennifer would have known, and told me about it.

Sheryl nodded, looked down at her mug, and slowly turned it in her hands. Then she looked at me again, right in the eyes. “I thank you for your tact. I know she lived happily with you, really happily.”

I blinked. I had cheated on her best friend, I expected her anger, even her disgust, but I received understanding and thanks instead. About to cry, I turned my head away. “I was happy with her too.” Yes, I had been happy. I had loved Jennifer, in my way.

“What are you going to do now?”

I squeezed the handle of my cup. “Taking Clarke’s side no matter what. And cook him a good meal, he’s coming over for dinner tonight.”


* * *


I was in the kitchen when the front doorbell rang. “I’m coming!” Samantha shouted from the garden before I could react.

In fact, I couldn’t move. It had suddenly occurred to me that inviting Clarke was some kind of a date. I hadn’t been on a date since Jennifer and that was twenty years ago. I hadn’t even changed my clothes after work.

“Dad? Are you all right?” Chelsea asked, she was decorating a cake next to me.

“I don’t think so.” I inspected my clothes. “How do I look?”

“You’re perfect, Dad,” she chuckled. We could already hear Clarke’s voice in the hallway. “Take a deep breath, Dad, he’s coming!” she laughed mischievously, and I moaned, she was supposed to be empathetic!

Clarke walked into the kitchen with Samantha and I felt relieved, he hadn’t changed his clothes either. He gave Chelsea a small bouquet, Samantha already had hers. The girls were delighted, they had never received flowers from a man before.

Clarke came and stood beside me. “Hi, Reed. Need a hand?” He smiled kindly, gazing curiously at the salad in front of me and the cake in front of Chelsea, so much like the boy he once was that I suddenly felt as if we’d never been apart.

“Thank you, but I’m almost done. Sit down. Would you like something to drink? We have homemade lemonade or beer.”

“Lemonade is fine, thank you.”

“I’ll get it.” Samantha said, “Lemonade for you too, Dad?”

We chatted until I finished the salad, then we went out to the garden.

It was a very pleasant meal. The girls asked Clarke a lot of questions, and little by little he told us about his life. For several years, he had been doing odd jobs. He was a good storyteller and he made us laugh more than once. One day, he became the driver of a jeweler and from there, he was hired by a security company he still worked for, slowly rising through the ranks.

Very nice meal, indeed. After so many years away, Clarke was there, I could look at him, listen to him, touch him sometimes. I didn’t eat much. Neither did he.


After dessert, the twins left us alone.

“Nice girls, your daughters,” Clarke remarked as I poured him a cup of coffee.

“Chatty, but yes, they’re nice. They look a lot like their mother.”

“You loved her.” It wasn’t a question. The sad acceptance in his voice hurt me, but I couldn’t lie to him. I didn’t want to lie to him.

“Yes, I did.” Silence. “How about you? Have you been married?”

“No, but I lived with a man for several years. Pretty happy years, except he wasn’t you.”

Clarke suddenly turned pale and jumped to his feet. “Sorry, Reed, I didn’t mean to…” He began to walk away. I jumped up after him and grabbed him by the arm. “Wait! What are you sorry about?” He clenched his fists, refused to look at me. “Clarke? Please, talk to me…”

“I didn’t mean to tell you that,” he finally replied, turning to me, distressed. “Reed, I just wanted to spend some time with you and meet your daughters, we can’t be together.” He stopped my protests with one hand. “I don’t want to ruin your life. I’ve heard people talk about you, you’re respected here in town, you have a good job and a family…”

“Things have changed in twenty-five years, Clarke, even here.” I was desperate. “I too have changed, I’ll never give you up for a little respectability again. Never again.”

He blinked, moved, but didn’t disarm. “You say that, but I guess it’s still hard to be a teenager in a small town like this. Your daughters…”

“We know about your relationship,” Samantha interrupted in a small voice. She was standing with Chelsea in front of the living room’s sliding doors. They hugged each other by the waist. Samantha serious, Chelsea worried.

“And you care,” Clarke said, looking gloomy, as if they had just confirmed his worst fears.

“Of course, we care!” Samantha exclaimed with a touch of disdain. “We love Dad, we want him to be happy.”

“So we want to know,” Chelsea continued, “do you love Dad?”

Clarke looked at them, going from one to the other several times. They held his gaze stubbornly. I was proud of my daughters.

He slowly turned to me and took my hands in his. “Yes, I love your father,” he replied to my daughters, looking me straight in the eyes. It sounded like a promise made in front of a priest, I felt like my heart would burst.

“Then everything is all right!” the twins exclaimed in chorus. They pirouetted and disappeared into the house.


Clarke shook his head and half smiled. “I like your girls.”

“I’m glad you do. Well done, Clarke, I think you passed!”

“Reed, I…”

“I want to be with you.”

I could feel his hands shaking on mine. He was still worried.

“Clarke, I won’t let you walk away from me again. I’m serious, Clarke. My parents don’t live here anymore, Sheryl can easily find another partner, and I know Chelsea and Samantha will agree. If you want or need to leave town, we’ll go with you.”

Emotion darkened his eyes so much it took my breath away.

Letting go of my hands, he brushed his fingertips over my cheek, my hair, as if touching the most precious of treasures. Slowly he stepped towards me and gently wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He barely touched me, but I could smell him, feel his warmth. I could hear his heart beating. I began to tremble. “Clarke, I missed you so much…”

Abruptly, Clarke embraced me, his arm crushing my body against his, his hand grasping my hair. He snuggled his face in my neck. He was whispering sweet words in my ear, I could feel his tears on my skin. I hugged him back, with all my strength, with all my tenderness. With all my love.

Together at last.


Tribute to "Smalltown Boy", Bronski Beat (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88sARuFu-tc)

August 14, 2020 19:13

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4 comments

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08:08 Aug 31, 2020

Super descriptive!

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Kensa H.
19:35 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you! I'm working on that (I tend to not describe enough, it's hard to find the balance...)

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Christopher G
15:27 Aug 20, 2020

What a great story! Captivating until the very end! Great job!

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Kensa H.
17:18 Aug 20, 2020

Thank you very much !

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