The Gift

Firstly, let me thank you in advance for your generous gift. For someone of my unique persuasion, it's a lifesaver. Early in my career, I found the transition rather distasteful and off-putting due to being predominantly a shy person; in fact, several of my peers classified me as a recluse. Yet, after my abrupt initiation and with the passage of time, I was driven to reach out to rebuild my strength.

I realise you're unaware of what I'm saying for the moment. The situation will change shortly after our brief encounter, but to be truthful, this one-sided conversation helps me prepare, as my shyness at approaching strangers is still somewhat of a hindrance to me. But deep down, I really feel my reluctance is waning marginally— due mainly to my regular therapy sessions— but I digress.

As I was saying— being unable to hear me helps me prepare for what you would consider the unsavoury part of the evening— so while I quickly run through my psychological preparations, as switching from a bat to human and back to human again is rather taxing and tiresome at times, as you will come to realise in the near future.

As it is Friday, you planned to have a pizza before taking in a movie, to help you unwind. I do sense you're rather uptight about some work-related issue, and you thought this evening's outing would help.

Sadly, the film you wanted to watch was oversubscribed— if you hadn't dallied at the burger bar with that second chocolate milkshake, you wouldn't be here watching 'Brides of Dracula'.

Being of a nervous disposition, do you think this is a wise choice? Or do you suddenly have aspirations to become more adventurous?

I only mention this in passing, yet do you remember the large creature you thought lived under your bed? It terrorised you for days until your frustrated landlady found a large cockroach trapped inside a plastic bottle.

Ah!  I sense you're starting to relax and immerse yourself in the film's content. That will help ease our encounter shortly. 

This movie is a little over the top for my taste, but please don't be misled by the innuendoes about my species. Vampires do not resemble what this melodramatic visual entertainment projects. Those of my persuasion would like to live in harmony with you. We could take our meagre sustenance a few evenings a week by targeting community members who don't fit in. Social outcasts and the like, bring them over to our side, so to speak, get them out of your hair.

Of course, I'm not suggesting you fall into this category for one moment.

Yet you have been living alone for some considerable time, and you haven't had a partner for as long as I can remember.

I only mention this because the odd friend you do have— wonder about you. As do the people at work, and this brings us back to your stress issue. If your life situation is building tension and anxiety, maybe you should consider changing jobs.

As you're a solitary person who doesn't mix well, maybe our line of employment would suit you. Okay, I grant you it's predominantly nights, yet we have no expenses for food, mortgages, transportation, or medical insurance. Also, it must be noted, doing nights is a small price for regaining one's youthful looks, which brings me to your new delightful hairdo.

I must compliment you. The bob works wonderfully— it makes your neck look so much more desirable for someone of my ilk. Yet now I'm paying more attention. Is that a few fleshy folds and a double chin, I see?

Oh, dearie me! That is disappointing; I wasn't expecting to have to force myself through layers of body fat. Sadly, my approach will have to be much more aggressive. Your friends really should've advised curtailing your consumption of chocolate and ice cream— it's making some bodily areas very prominent.

For someone of your age, duping yourself into thinking manufacturers have changed their sizing strategy is total nonsense. You are not a tight 32 and haven't been for 15 years— you're a 40 and expanding fast. Yet, as my stomach has started grumbling, we must turn to— as I said earlier, the unsavoury part of the evening.

Of course, you'll be startled initially, so I'll place a hand over your mouth to restrain your scream. I'm not averse to this type of self-expression. I truly believe it brings inner growth and greater fulfilment that needs to be fully embraced, but as the man two rows ahead has a hot coffee held near his groin. A shrill outburst will obviously startle him and alert others— and between you and I. I planned to have a dessert this evening— the youth sitting in row ten looks absolutely delicious— but I digress.

You'll feel a slight stinging sensation, followed by light-headedness and maybe an urge to vomit. At this point, it affects people differently. I'm reliably informed that fear and terror tend to increase in abundance.

Gosh!  I do miss those trivial human emotions— and with my anticipation and appetite increasing, I can almost taste them.

So, to quickly re-cap, which my therapist advised I should do. I have to settle my emotions and nerves, focusing on timing, which has been one of my failings. That was the main reason I took counselling— I badly misjudged some of my approach swoops.

On one occasion, I became trapped between the lips of a courting couple. I terrified the middle-aged man and woman, who sprinted from the park in different directions, screaming, which was highly embarrassing for me as I had friends watching nearby.

A day later, my aerial approach to a middle-aged man was violently interrupted before impact when his football team scored a goal. He jumped for joy with his arms flaying. I was violently deflected at speed into a light fitting. Fortunately, it was turned off— so I was saved from being cooked.

Yet again, here I'm blathering, and it's time for nourishment.  

Ah!  there— You shivered, how touching.

Silly you— No, that wasn't something in the movie or a chilly draft around your feet.

No— I'm perched on the seat behind you.