Scavengin' For Gold

The clouds were shapeshifting, growing lethargically grey. The bitter air pricked against Jeremiah’s skin. His steps were heavier than usual as he trudged along the sand. His coat zipped all the way up accompanied by a hat and gloves, Jeremiah placed his metal detector against the gritty sand and began his morning like any other.

The scraping sound brought joy to his ears, like a melody sang by angels. The corners of his mouth lifted upwards slightly; this was a rare occurrence as his expression is usually fixed down into a frown. He was a strange man.

No, strange was not a good enough word to describe the man… Perhaps complex. Jeremiah shows up at every family event in a bright suit wearing a dull face, he sends birthday cards every year with no handwritten message apart from the card’s own typed words, never leaves his name on anything he mails, although it is obvious despite how mysterious he may think he seems. Jeremiah makes sure he has insulted at least half of the people at any and every family party or celebration. In addition to his weird tsundere attitude, he goes out every morning scavenging for gold with his metal detector.

However, this morning, while he searches for gold, his youngest grandson was given the exciting opportunity to spend a whole day with him.

“Over ‘ere Blue” Jeremiah’s voice was deep and husky, frightening too. With every word sounding like a command.

“Why?”

“Why?” echoed Jeremiah- and then the strangest series of events unravelled. Little Blue saw his grandad with the biggest smile plastered on his face. His eyes crinkling inwards as he stretched his mouth wide, grinning. “No one ever asks me why!” Jeremiah almost sang in the lightest tone anyone has probably ever heard.

“Blimey! Come ‘ere and let me show you just how thrilling searchin’ for gold can be!”

Blue reluctantly moved closer. Not quite convinced there was anything thrilling about this activity. His grandad was an enigma after all.

“Now look ‘ere, hold onto this machine for me and give the ol’ sand a swipe.” Jeremiah’s eyebrows forgot that gravity exists, they didn’t move once from their raised position. His eyes filled with warmth and excitement, it fascinated Blue. Jeremiah presented his ordinary hobby as if it were the epitome of discovery, the reason to live and that it brimmed with adventure. Although Blue couldn’t exactly relate to his fascination with scavenging for gold, he appreciated being able to see his grandad more realistically. He looked present in the moment, never faltered as he explained the ‘skill’ needed for such a ‘complex’ task.

“Why do you hide your smile?”

Jeremiah was caught off guard. He wasn’t quite sure how to answer that question. Why did he hide it indeed? He hadn’t even realised that his sour face lightened up. There was a moment of silence, only the sound of the sea swishing serenely.

“Mum does too. Why?”

Why. Yes why? Had this little boy really been watching him that closely to tell?

“I’m not hidin’ my smile! I never smile!” Jeremiah growled.

“Yes, you are.”

Blue was right. Even when he tried to hide it, his eyes gave him away. He couldn’t stop the warm gaze he offered Blue. Instead of forcing himself to look angry, Jeremiah relaxed. He figured there was no reason to be moody today.

“I didn’t realise I was smilin’.” His voice came out too soft for his liking. “Ahem, I mean that it’s just been a while since any one has noticed.”

Blue’s eyes never left his face, almost as if he were analysing every word, every movement, every contraction he made. Jeremiah felt very vulnerable in that instant, like Blue could see through him clearly and it felt unsettling yet comforting. His youngest grandson wasn’t easy to fool. He was the most aware and present out of everyone in their family.

“I suppose it won’t hurt to know. It’s quite a sob story but I would say yer old enough to hear it- I bet no one has ever given yer the full story too.”

“What story?” Blue’s eyes filled with wonder and Jeremiah felt his eyes piercing through his soul. This kid was really something else. He was too diligent, too understanding, too- what is the word… mature for his age.

“I haven’t properly smiled in front of anyone since the passin’ of yer father.” He huffed it out in one breath. Almost too quick to catch, but Blue caught it.

“I used to smile a lot. I was still a god awful and annoyin’ person but that’s just part of my charm!” He chuckled. “I guess as time passed by, I grew colder.” He wasn’t sure how to delicately place his words, he seemed hesitant with his next words, “Yer see… yer grandma passed a while before yer dad did, so it was quite a heavy time.” He exhaled, his breath forming a cloud of smoke, “Yer sadly didn’t get the chance to meet her but I’m sure she would’ve been smilin’ at yer if yer had.” Blue’s eyes looked almost sad or perhaps he was pitying this old man, or maybe he just felt a lot of empathy. “I suppose yer don’t remember much of yer dad eh kid?”

“No. Mum always looks even colder whenever I ask so I never do.”

“Oh.” Something tightened in his chest. “Well, that couldn’t have been easy on yer either. He passed when yer were about four. I used to take him to the beach a lot, would never scavenge for gold with me though, claimed it was the world’s most borin’ hobby! Said he would rather watch paint dry. Can you believe that? What a stubborn, rude son… he got it from me.”

“I can tell.” Blue answered amused.

“Becoming a little too comfortable, are we?” Despite the threatening words there was no threat in his tone. “Yer dad was one of the most uncooperative, strong willed yet sincere person ever, creative too. Such a mystery at times.” At this point both boys had sat down on the jagged, cold sand. The metal detector placed carefully down.

“Can you tell me more?” His eyes practically pleading up at Jeremiah, starved of information.

“Well, um, I’m not quite sure what else to say. As a son he was blessin’ yet a curse. We went on so many adventures, created so many memories. He could be so difficult though, one step in a puddle and he would refuse to move any further or one scratch and he exclaimed he was going to pass out.” Jeremiah had a fond look in his eyes, recalling their memories. Blue had never seen such a look in anyone’s eyes before. “As a father I would say he was very carin’, he thought he was incredibly funny, but wasn’t, really more just embarrassin'.” Blue could see him cringing at the memory. “I guess yer could ask yer mum or yer siblings, they might know better than me. It’s a shame yer couldn’t spend as much time with him as everyone else. But he loved yer a lot. Yer could tell by his eyes.” Jeremiah smiled down at his grandson.

“Mum never tells me. No one does. Her eyes are always cold, and she always seems far away. She’s never present. Never really there.” His eyes trailed to the sand. “I think she’s really lonely. I guess I’m not much company.”

“Now listen ‘ere, yer mother loves yer very much.”

“I suppose. There’s always breakfast on the table, she reads me a book before bedtime every other night, and in return I help wash the dishes. She says, ‘everyone else has left the house because they’re too old for mummy’. It seems like she loves me- but the look in her eyes doesn’t convince me.”

Jeremiah didn’t know what to say. His breath was caught in his throat. It was painful to hear this. It’s true his siblings are much older than him, he could assume dear Angie had perhaps not been present or warm enough for her youngest son. A breeze gently ruffled their hair, whistling a soft tune.

“The only time Mum ever looks present is when I show her my drawings. Her eyes become warm. And so I feel warm. So I make sure to draw every day.”

Jeremiah’s eyes widened. This little boy has felt the least support, warmth, or love. What a pity. Jeremiah felt a heavy guilt seep into him. In his own negligence, his own stubbornness to pretend like he can’t feel anymore to avoid pain has only shifted the pain onto others.

“Yer know yer dad was a really good artist. He used to draw for yer mother a lot. All sorts of scenes, from forests, to mountains, he could even draw an accurate portrait of her.”

The clouds were still moving in slow motion. The sky looking more grey, more sombre.

“I can assume that when yer draw her a picture, she feels the nostalgia and is absorbed in that moment. Listen Blue, yer mum- she may seem distant and maybe a bit too cold, but I know she loves yer. Your dad’s death brought around a lot of pain, I’m sorry yer had to be caught up in it.”

The sea’s ripples gained momentum; waves were carved out in the distance.

“Grandpa, your eyes have grown very warm. Please don’t let them become cold again.” Blue looked up at him with kind, delicate eyes. Understanding eyes, eyes that were present, eyes that were warm.

Jeremiah could feel Blue’s warmth seep into his bones. He felt… loved. A feeling he believed to be lost. With this new love he felt, the lighter the pain became, and the lighter the air grazed across the sea. There was light shining through the clouds, the sun was appearing and landed upon both boys sitting.

Jeremiah took off his scruffy hat, the aftermath left on his hair was quite a look. He pulled the sides of the hat down onto Blue’s head, “It’s goin’ to get windy in a bit, it always does after a bit of sun.” His smile radiated so much love Blue didn’t know how to take it all in, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling anymore.

His eyes stinged. The sting was short and sharp, like a needle pricking his eyeballs, his eyebrows contorted to create many different expressions.

It was as if shards and splinters were infused in his face, as if every shard he pulls out, a splinter is left- the answers he gets aren’t enough to heal his pain.

“Why- why does Mum not look at me with warm eyes?”

The breeze grew stronger, delivering a husky sound.

Jeremiah couldn’t manoeuvre his way out of this question. Blue was clearly hurting. He was unsure how his situation became so neglected. ‘Why did we all stop spreading love?’ Why indeed.

Blue had an omniscient atmosphere to him. He was able to understand well and could provide comfort to those who need it, but it didn’t seem like anyone was comforting him back. Talking with his youngest grandson opened his heart again. Jeremiah was really grateful; he wasn’t sure how to express it or how to tell him just how proud he is of him or how proud his father would be of the little man he’s become.

“I’m sorry Blue.” The wind was gaining speed, “Yer mother is still hurting, but she does care. I’m sure of it. And when yer return home later, I know she will give yer a big hug.” A comfortable moment of silence passed by. “Yer’ve had it tough. I guess none of us are really present, guess we haven’t been showin’ how much we love yer kid. Heck, we don’t even communicate properly anymore, just Christmas cards, a dinner every few holidays with a few rude comments passed around.”

The heavy air was thinning out, the waves forming started to relax.

“It’s time to change that.” Jeremiah declared. “Want to join me in scavengin’ for gold every weekend?”

“I’d rather watch paint dry” Blue answered cheekily, breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Why yer little- how dare yer use those words against me. I’ll have yer know scavengin’ for gold is the best hobby in the world! Yer can turn anything into an adventure with a metal detector!”

“I don’t mind joining you, as long as you draw with me too. I want to learn how to paint well enough to give Mum her first painting from me.” Blue’s face stopped contorting and settled calmly.

“Sure kid. We can compromise.”

The clouds became smaller and lighter in colour. The sky more visible now, with rays of sun illuminating random patches of sand.

The wind quieter, they felt at ease.

“You look nicer when you smile, and kinder with warmer eyes.”

“I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.”

Jeremiah stood up holding a hand out to Blue, he took it willingly. They walked, softly, upon the sand, to Jeremiah’s favourite café for breakfast. Blue was skipping alongside his grandpa. Both boys felt free and light, the lightest they have felt in a long time.

Who knew the art of scavenging for gold could make you open up so much more.