The Clock Ticks On

They were finally home. After 72 hours of labor and 2 hours of nothing but pushing, Michelle and her little baby boy were finally home. James Mitchel Barnes was a beautiful baby boy. Blonde thick hair like his mother and deep blue eyes like his father, Dylan. There was only a slight problem the new family was facing. Her husband wasn’t allowed to take any days off from work after they got home from the hospital. The very day they got home was the same day he had to go back and provide for his new little family.

Michelle was a hardworking woman at only the age of 24 years old. She usually knew what to do and what to say. She had been studying the baby books every day since she found out she was pregnant. Who cares if she didn’t have a mother of her own growing up? She was a woman, so she had to know what to do. It came instinctually.

Dylan left right after they had gotten home. With a kiss to James and Michelle he was off for the day. Michelle set James in his rocker and admired his beautiful sleeping face. Her stomach growled loudly reminding her that she hadn’t eaten in 2 days. Those uncomfortable hospital beds made it hard to sleep. Especially with the nurses always coming in to check on you. It was so quiet in the little house they had come to call their own. She stood up and went into the kitchen to make herself breakfast. She fumbled in the knife drawer which unfortunately made James wake up. He proceeded to cry. She looked at the clock on her wall. 

7:00am

“Shhhh, Mommas right here love. Shh.” It didn’t work. she remembered the videos at the hospital showing her how to breastfeed. She sat down and tried to help James latch. For some odd reason he wouldn‘t. What’s as she doing wrong? She was following the hamburger advice and holding him like a football. She had also talked to many different moms in the mom groups she joined. She should be able to do this one silly thing. She was starting to feel worse and worse as the clock ticked on. What time was it now? She looked up. 

7:10am

She gawked in disbelief. She felt like she had been trying to help him latch for at least 30 minutes if not longer. She set him down in his rocker and proceeded to call her father for advice. He was the only one she could rely on right now that had experience with babies. 

“Hey dad I’m sorry to call you at work but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and James isn’t eating. I dont know what to do.“ Her voice probably sounded rushed over the phone and she knew by experience that her father hated when people would speak fast. ever since she was a little girl her voice would pick up in speed if she was feeling anxious about anything.

”Don’t start crying now. You’re an adult and you need to act like one. Change his diaper. That was always your problem.” And with that he hung up. Her father was never an emotionally supportive guy. Even when she was younger he would tell her to save her tears because now wasn’t the time for crying. Her mother passed away when she was 4. He was all she had left for a parent.

Change his diaper. She should have thought of that. So she picked him up and set him on the brand new changing station to change him. she carefully undid his onesie and took his tiny little legs out. His diaper showed a bright yellow strip. There was no pee or poo in it. She slowly turned her head to look at the clock.

7:20am

She tried to sing to him and rock him to sleep. It did nothing. she tried bouncing him. Nothing. She knew she wasn’t supposed too but she even put on a show for him. nothing was working for her brand new bundle of joy. Her eyes darted from her phone to her screaming baby. What time was it now After everything she had just tried? Her hair was messy and her clothes were loosely hanging off her body.

8:30am. 

At least it was almost 9. She tried continuing making her breakfast but couldn’t focus with James screaming in the background. She felt like a terrible mother, trying to feed herself when something was wrong with her son. Tears started to blur her vision and she knew she had to have someone come over. She called her best friends on video chat. 

“I’m sorry we’re busy.” They said they’d be there for her whenever she needed them. They lied to her. She turned to look at James. His face scrunched up and red from all the screaming he was doing. His little arms flailing everywhere. ’I need to make the screaming stop.’ It would be easy. Quick and easy to make it stop. She shook her head and immediately picked up her phone. 

“Love I need you to come home right away. Please. Nobody can come over and he won’t stop screaming. I can’t do this by myself right now. I need you.” She bawled into the phone while gripping the side of her head, pulling out locks of her hair that fell onto the floor. 

”Hey hun, you got this. Don’t let it get to you. Babies cry. You’re okay. I have to go now. I love you.” He hung up the phone. She threw it onto the floor with a loud THUD. James started to shriek. 

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! NOTHING I DO IS WORKING! STOP! STOP CRYING AND SCREAMING! STOP!!!!!“ And just like that the screaming stopped. There was no more crying, screaming, flailing around. He was silent and still. Michelles hands were tightly wrapped around his limp body still holding him in the air. The clock read. 

9am