The choice of a life partner has been a hard nut to crack. Many factors has made it a dead zone for many. Take a look at various marriage tribunals and statistics all over the globe, the number increases at a geometric rate, and you can only but shed tears over the devastating and un-encouraging nature of things. It sounds and looks as if the world is about to end because, one would simply prefer to staying single than to heap a burning re hot coal upon himself for no just course when it could actually be avoided. This may be a long sermon and you may think it is not necessary but if you look deeply within your mind, you would know that whatever you are hearing now is nothing but the truth and can save you a life time of agony, heartbreak, tears and perpetual pressure to make it right with its constant nagging.
It is for your own good that you have to listen to these tales no matter how boring it might be to you but at the end you will have to come back and say thank you. That’s my joy and that also would be your joy at the end. It is not going to be magical but you will surely not forget this day.
Your situation is not a wonderland were no one has threaded before, but be that as it may, be glad that you are serving as a specimen to so many others who may learn from your own tale in the near future. Love is a beautiful thing and you have to work to bring out that beauty the way you like it and the way it will suit you with the bricks you have. All that glitters are not gold but you have to let it pass through the burning fiery furnace in order to bring out that beauty you seek. Love is a beautiful thing but you have to fight for your love if actually what you claim to have is love. The world is not a bed of roses even rose has thorns and you have to remove this thorn now else you will have to lay on thorny bed all your life. Better late than never.
As my only brother and best friend, your goodness and happiness is my priority. For long you have been bathing in the pool of your own tears. More than several occasions have you forgotten to eat or have lost appetite to meals, you who would always prefer cooked food to snacks. The next thing that might happen to you now is switching to excessive consumption of achohol, if you have not already started. The culminating point would now be to join the league of “they are all the same”. Who are the “they” if I may ask? There is no “they” in your case and there will never be any they in any situation. It is all about how you have chosen to deal with the condition of your life. If you decide to take what belongs to you, it becomes yours, but if you choose to let it go, you either become antagonistic at the slightest provocation or unbearable to everyone that comes around you. Be that as it may, the perfect man in all human standard you must become. And he is that who knows and goes for what he wants even if he doesn`t get that eventually.
You case with Cherry is one that tests your guts, your confidence in yourself, and restates your assurance of your thoughts. How can you claim to love someone and cannot say it or prove it? How can you be having sleepless nights over her yet you sit like one without legs to move, thoughts to emanate ideas and mouth to speak up. The earlier the better, else you will be too late to catch the flight and you will only regret.
Take a look at my own condition so that you don’t see whatever I am saying as a fairy tale. It happened to many of us and as we did act so you are to act to save yourself.
It all happened on two occasions in my life and I am happy for taking the action I took for which I will ever be grateful. Though I learnt my lesson in a hard way, you may not have the equal chances like I had. While I missed on the choice of vocation when asked, I did not miss on the choice of a life partner. I had to profess to her, propose to her and take off with the wedding amidst all waves. I had to hit the iron while it is hot, so you are to hit now for it cannot be hotter than this. Bear in mind that you don’t expect it to be smooth running, it must be tough but you must be tougher.
It is true that the traditional life style of the wealthy middle class which you belong is affecting you. It is true that you are being match-maked with Cordys of the Johnson`s but you are the one to live the life not your dad or your mother. It is true that Cherry is having suitor in Gary but there is a soft spot to halt this fast moving train. An option she barely agreed to because you have not proved yourself man enough by taking hold of her hands. This spot is known like the New York and Paris logo, your love for each other is like the sun. But you don’t understand the present condition unlike yours. Dad has said that I have been bethroded with Cordys which you know and there lies the company`s life wire, the economic pillar he has labored to prevent from collapse over the years.
Whatever the case is, you cannot let yourself be swallowed by the economic whatever. Which cannot stand if built on false pillars like you are planning to support. You too can build that pillar without such condition and even a much stronger one. All you need to do it just put a crack at the right spot.
Talks are being made underground for the marriage of your Cherry in less than two weeks and you have not made any meaningful move. You know too well how difficult it would be for her to pull the strings without you. You are just to make it known to dad who your heart beats for and wants to marry and then to Cherry that you are ready and willing to marry her. There are two parents of four persons involved here and all four of them cannot be thinking in the same direction. Either both mothers would stand for you or one would, especially mothers who would always understand and choose the best for their daughters, which is enough to pull the spark of disunity that will give ear to your feeling. You just have to make the first move and others will have to follow your footsteps. Remember, it is called missing rib that you are meant to find and so not expected to be of easy finding. You may regret not saying nor doing anything now and when you may have realized that, it must have already being late and you must likely regret it. Give it a thought brother.
For days and weeks since after your session and direction with me, I have been restless. I kept dreaming where you were pushing me to speak up. Then I knew that it might likely not go well with me if I fail to act. I knew that I might add up to the number of people who file for divorce in the future. I only still ask for your assistance. Thoughts are over, action is now.
You must be a legend and professor in guidance and counselling. Where did you even learn all the wisdom you shared with me? Even without being told, I knew my life would have been scattered if I never did anything. Opening MOCHERGARRY counselling session should be our next line of action.
Written by Uzonna Cyril Ifiorah