Nine Months

My blaring alarm awakes me and as I contemplate life staring at my creamy popcorn ceiling, I let out a relieving sigh. Today was the day that I have been dreading for about three weeks now and I’m going alone because unfortunately the only friend that knows is livid at me. Addy was my only friend and then this happened, and she phased me out because she said she couldn’t handle it. I finally lift myself out of bed and face my mirror which is so lovingly honest of my appearance. I rinse the tiredness away from my eyes and attempt to look like I’m presentable for anyone I encounter. I get dressed and grab my bag off my counter, I head out the door and attempt to unlock my car. As I drop my keys on the ground, I can tell it was going to be that kind of day and squeeze my eyes trying not to cry.

I get in my car and GPS the address, luckily, it’s only a couple miles from my apartment and I press start and buckle up. Silence lingers through the car and ringing reach my ears and my eyes stay locked onto the road as I pretend not to hear it. I arrive at the small but homey building and it has a poster on the window with a young woman holding her baby and smiling. I park and squeeze my eyes shut again, letting out a heavy sigh and trying to hold back tears. I unbuckle and lock the car, heading for the front doors of the building and a woman holding a little girls’ hand and pregnant holds the door open for me and smiles at me. The woman looks so unbelievably happy and she doesn’t look scared at all, she’s glowing.

Signing in at the front desk, I reach in my bag for my insurance and write all my information down for the nice receptionist and hand her the packet back and she gently smiles at me and points to the waiting area chairs. I go to sit down and there’s about three other women there that are pregnant, but you can tell they’re at different stages in their pregnancies. I look down at my stomach, again squeezing my eyes shut to get a grip of reality and trying not to let myself down. My hand feels a warm squeeze and I open my red tear-filled eyes and look up, Addy is sitting right by me squeezing my hand with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.

“I’m sorry.” Addy says as she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me. Tears spill down my face onto her shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so scared.” I smile at her and she kisses my cheek and wipes her tears away and chuckles.

“I’m here.” Addy rubs my back as we wait for my name to be called back by a nurse. Each of the pregnant women in the waiting room is getting called back and I can tell it’s almost my turn.

“Elizabeth Lewis?” A nurse holds open a door to a hallway with different rooms and Addy looks at me, I pull her hand to come with me. We follow the nurse and she take my weight before going into a room, she jots it down on her clipboard and then leads us to my room.

“Alright Elizabeth you can go ahead and sit on the table for me.” The nurse is positive and light. I give my bag and jacket to Addy as she sits down in the chair next to the nurses’ station in my room. I sit down on the cold paper on the table and try to sit comfortably and wait until the nurse asks me something.

           “Okay, Elizabeth, so what are we here to see you about today?” She smiles warmly at me and gets her hands ready to type in any information I give her.

           “Well, um, I think I’m pregnant. I took a few at home pregnancy tests and they were positive.” I look down at my feet as they hang above the floor and try not to make eye contact.

           “Okay, when was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?” The nurse asks me, and I starts to panic because I have never tracked my periods before.

           “I’m sorry. I’m not sure, it’s usually the last week of the month. Probably the twenty eighth of March.” I answer her question.

           “That’s completely okay. Do you have unprotected sex often?” The nurse asks looking very worried for me.

           “No, it’s not often.” I hang my head because the nurse must think I’m unbelievably stupid.

           “Okay sweetheart, we’re going to first take a pregnancy test just to make sure, and then we can send in some samples to the lab to make sure you didn’t contract any STD’s.” She pats my hand and looks at me with understanding eyes and leads me to a bathroom to do a urine test. Afterwards I come out and she brings me back into my room and leaves to get the doctor and I look at Addy.

           “This is so embarrassing.” I start whimpering and tears start to fall from my eyes. Addy comes to comfort me and hugs me tight.

           “Stop. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, I love you and you’re my best friend. I’m here and will be until the end. Promise.” Addy holds her pinkie up and smiles as it wraps around my pinkie. The doctor comes in and scans over all the information the nurse typed in the computer and then reads some papers she has in her hand and smiles at me.

           “Congratulations Elizabeth, you are five weeks pregnant. Your tests also came back negative on the STD screenings so that’s wonderful news. How would you like to move forward?” The doctor smiles at Addy and me. I look at Addy with worried eyes and she nods at me and smiles as she rubs my back.

           “What if I’m not a good mom? The dad isn’t in the picture and all I have is my best friend. I live in a tiny apartment.” I tell the doctor as tears stream down my face.

           “We have so many wonderful resources for you then. The good news is that our resources are for single moms under thirty years old and I can give you all the pamphlets if that’s what you would like to do. If not, there are other decisions you can make including adoption, foster, and abortion.” The doctor informs me as she pulls out pamphlets out from her desk.

           “I want to keep it.” I relieve a sigh and slowly smile to Addy as she squeezes me in her tight hugs. The doctor smiles and hands me the pamphlets.

           “That’s wonderful news, so I wrote down a few vitamins you’ll want to start taking along with some support groups in your area for single moms.” I take the papers and pamphlets and Addy holds my hand all the way until we get to my car.

           “I will be here along your side through everything Liz. Appointments, classes, groups, everything. I have a surprise for you.” Addy smiles at me and nods for me to follow her. I wait for her to drive off the parking lot and I follow, she pulls up to a small, homey house and gets out.

           “Whose house is this?” I ask her as I get out of my car.

           “It’s ours, we’re going to rent it and we can split the rent and I can help you raise the baby. Liz, you are my best friend. You are my sister. I could never let you do this by yourself.” Addy hugs me tight and I start crying a river for the tenth time today.

           “Are you serious?” I cry out to her.

           “You are my family, yes I’m serious.” Addy holds my hands.

           “Can we go see it?” I suggest with a smile on my face and she pulls me in and she gives me a tour of the entire house.

9 MONTHS LATER:

           “Addy, I want to talk to you about something important. It has to do with Maggie and myself.” I seriously sit her down to have the talk.

           “Is everything okay?” Addy’s eyes get big and tear filled.

           “Now that I have Maggie, everything is going to change, you realize that, right? It’s all about her now, I can’t let anyone get in the way of that.” I ask tell Addy and she begins crying.

           “Are you leaving with her?” Addy cries out.

           “I want you to be Maggie’s godmother.”  I smile and hold Addy’s hands.

           “What? You want me to be Maggie’s godmother? Me?” Addy stops crying in awe and I nod and smile.

           “I love you Addy.” I tell her.

           “I love you Liz.” Addy hugs me and Maggie.