A Bowl of Life

4^th of April 2005

Hello? First entry? Or let us begin with the good old-fashioned dear diary…

Today at school we got an assignment to write down everything that we do from waking up till going to bed. Kind of boring if you ask me, but what can I do, it is not like I can complain. Meh, let’s just get on with it…

11^th of April 2005

Utter disaster! Today our teacher handed us the homework back. And he did not forget his snotty comments about mine. He even mentioned that I go to sleep with my stuffed teddy bear. Now I am the laughingstock in our class. I know that I am a bit childish for a 13-year-old, but why is everybody so mean to me…

15^th of June 2005

I started this diary as a joke as I heard that all my friends do it, but now I am not sure if that is the reason why I am continuing to write…

30^th of June 2005

Finally, some peace. I will go for a swim, bathe myself in the sun, eat a ton of ice cream and enjoy summer vacation! I will have a blast and stay positive! All by myself…

3^rd of August 2005

Today I am definitely not proud of myself. I should have stopped. I should have gone home. I should not have believed her. So much ice…

6^th of September 2006

The time has come. School is about to begin. A fresh new start a fresh new me!

23^rd of December 2006

I never thought that I would visit the church. It was peaceful. Just a few grandmas present and me in the furthest darkest corner. A man asked me if I did not want to sit down and I just shook my head. Standing there, my back against the wall I told my prayers.

7^th of Mai 2007

Quite some time has passed since I last wrote something. At first the puzzle did not make sense, so I decided to investigate. Why me?

8^th of August 2007

I will be attending high school now. Freedom and relief are the feelings I have not felt since that day.

3^rd of September 2007

Why is she here? Is this a sick joke? My best friend was sitting right beside. Smiling at me with her perfect teeth and smooth lips. Her green eyes were piercing through me and a spark of uneasiness started to grow inside me. She cannot do anything to me. The people here do not know me and the same goes for her.

9^th of December 2007

Does god exist? This kind of questions I asked myself everyday. They found me and the worst matter is that I do not what I can give them to stop. I tried to negotiate, food, money, jewellery nothing works! What do they gain from this? I must find the source.

2^nd of January 2010

I thought that this was ripped to pieces, but to my surprise somehow the few pages survived. There is not a word that can describe how pathetic I was. Positivity, prayers? Hope for change? Still I am glad that I changed. I remember the one time I took my diary and she tore it to shreds. I do not know why I referred to her as my best friend in here, nonetheless she took the first step to ruin me. At first, we were like sister. Held to each other, could not be separated and then in a blink of an eye she was gone. The girl that I had so many memories with.

I tried to reach her, begged her to tell me what is wrong, if I had done anything to offend her. I assumed that it was just a phase, however things began to alter, and rumours spread. I was oblivious at the beginning. Till everyone distanced themselves from me.

The whole situation reached its peak on a hot summer day. She called me to meet up. I was overwhelmed with joy. This was the first time she reached out to me in months. My stupid self never found it suspicious that she wanted to meet me at the fringe of the forest.

There were also tennis courts and small cottages where all the equipment was stored. But nobody could be seen that day. Everybody was at home with their A/C blasting at full power.

She was standing in the shadow of the small wooden house. She looked worried and you could clearly see the sweat dripping down from her forehead. I approached her with a huge grin on my face. Yet her expression stayed the same. Then without a word she began to walk. Unaware what was about to happen, I followed.

Suddenly somebody grabbed me from behind. Immediately covered my mouth and tied my hands together. I could not see their faces as they were behind me, however they dragged me into the woods. The only think I saw was her back. She was leading the way. My heart was throbbing like crazy. I began to fight back, I threw myself on the ground, kicked around, screamed, moved my body in every possible direction. Then one of them punched me. He knew what he was doing as he hit my kidney with full force. The adrenaline left me as quickly as it came.

At last we arrived at log cabin. They threw me against a wall inside. Both were tall with a wider built. Short brown hair, with masks on. I guessed they were around 25. She went to the corner of the hut and starred at the ground. Then a voice came from the entrance. “Pin her down,” he said. It was a familiar voice, through I could not recognise it. I was now on my back held from both sides. “What are you planning to do?” with a frightened voice she finally spoke. “Do not worry, we will just play for a bit,” he laughed. There were already various scenarios in my mind. Chills went down my spine and I began to shake. But I could have not expected what happened next.

I heard a loud thud and one of the men began to ramble with something. I was paralyzed with fear. The other one grabbed me by the neck. “Open,” he said. Confused I did not know what he wanted. That awarded me another punch in the stomach. I opened my mouth because of the sudden impact, and they stuffed ice cubes inside my mouth. At first, I thought if this is a new way of torture and that I could endure it, however they always doubled the amount and if I did not want to suffocate, I had to swallow. The sharp edges of the ice slid slowly down my throat and there was always a time span of 20 seconds till the ice melted enough to go down to my stomach. After a while I could not feel my lips and was just sobbing from pain. They would not stop even when they saw that I was gaging from more than a minute and was able to catch breath for a few seconds. After what felt like an eternity I passed out.

When I woke up it was already dark, and I did not know the way out of the woods. Those bastards even took my shoes so that I have a pleasant walk down this hill. I waited till sun rise to get out of there. When I came home my mother was worried sick. She even called the police. I wanted to tell them everything so badly and then it hit me, my vocal cords were damaged. I was devastated. I did not eat or drink anything for days and even neglected the police.

Soon enough they lost interest and offered my mother to get me “help”. Being in a mental hospital you learn two things 1. How to obey rules 2. How to act normal.

23^rd of March 2022

Reading these pages over and over again after years you would believe that I get a panic attack whenever I recall the past events. Yet I feel refreshed. I am now a manager of a big company, got a beautiful daughter and my voice got better too. Everything in my life turned for the better.

My so-called best friend got a job as a clerk at some bank and has two adorable two sons. Her husband is also well off, he is an entrepreneur of a metal company. Recently I saw her tanning herself at the pool and her boys running around playing hide and seek. Quite a big house for just the four of them. The best part of it that they have very few neighbours since it on a hill where the rich live. And yes, her lovely father that had a different last name and what I have learned years after was our English teacher that ridiculed me every time, he had the chance to. And guess what? No NO you have to guess?! He was the one who ordered those men to do those things to me. And he ordered his daughter to bully me through whole high school.

But who am I to judge they surely had their reasons and I am not going to pity myself because of them. I hope they have a splendid life till their last day.

13^th of April 2055

The sound of my grandchildren running in the garden looking for Easter eggs and eating the cake I baked. Life just cannot get any better. I retired early, because my job allowed me to and now, I can indulge myself in the love of my family.

How unfortunate that not everyone has the same fate as me. My best friends’ boys drowned at the age of 7 in the pool they were so proud of and not long after she had a car accident. People speculate that she did it on purpose. But suicide or not her father was so devastated that he had a heart attack. The autopsy showed that he was drinking horrendous amounts of liquor with cold water what seemed to have been ice cubes. What unfortune that he would not tell why he did those things to me.

I leaned myself back in the robust wooden chair and closed my eyes. I must have smiled, because my youngest grandchild came up to me and asked, “Grandma are you asleep?”. “No sweetheart you just thinking about the good old times,” I responded. “You look happy grandma what are you thinking about?” she asked curiously. I took her on my lap and smiled. “You know certain people didn’t know where they belonged and that is why I had to show them where their place was.”