“Don’t you remember the afternoon we spent lying in the grass… looking up at the clouds…the one shaped like a pirate ship? How beautiful that day was? Just me and you…with the breeze caressing our bare skin while the sun warmed our bodies lying there…in the tall grass. I remember. I remember following you, carrying that enormous wicker picnic basket thinking its handles were going to break off any second because it was so heavy and feeling so relieved when we made it to our spot in the meadow with it completely intact. You laid out the blanket and I set the basket down…it’s the perfect spot, I said. And then you said you knew because you picked it just for me making me think you thought I was perfect, too.

There was wine, even though I told you I didn’t drink, but you said it was okay because it isn’t real wine and I laughed thinking you thought of everything to make me feel so special. The crackers and cheese and meats and grapes made it feel like a real picnic…like the ones you see in movies or read in romance novels. I remember thinking how self-conscious I felt before thinking the sun shining through my sundress would reveal I had forgotten to wear my slip… how grateful I was you were walking ahead of me so you wouldn’t see the outline of my legs through my dress. Then, when we were sitting on the blanket and trying to sit ladylike without revealing too much. I didn’t want to seem forward but I knew deep down I wanted you to want me…and even though it was the middle of the day in the middle of nowhere where anyone could walk up anytime and see us…I hoped you would take me in your arms and make love to me…right there in the grass.

And you did…and it was magical. I had never felt anything like it before…or since. Maybe it was the wine…or the food…or the place…but nothing has ever felt as right as everything did that day. You were everything to me in that moment. I believed everything you said to me that day. How you loved me with such intensity you actually cried… and I cried from happiness as I wiped your tears away and said I loved you, too. I would have done anything for you in that moment in time. The world did not exist to me anymore. Just our love and whatever you needed from me. We made love until we ran out of sustenance and the sun went down around us. We did what we could to find our clothes and pack the basket…find the trail in the tall grass we left earlier to find our way back to the car.”

“We walked in circles for hours.”

“Yes, but we were together.”

“We never made it to the car.”

“How were you supposed to know about the meadow? It wasn’t your fault. It was the perfect day and it can still be okay. We can still get out of here and find the car and go home and everything will be okay.”

“I never told you…”

“Told me…told me what?”

“I knew… I knew about the meadow…I knew what they would do when the sun went down…I thought we could spend the day there and leave before…but we fell asleep…I fell asleep…I’m so sorry…”

“You knew about the meadow…and didn’t tell me? I would have reminded you!”

“How?! How would have reminded me? You fell asleep, too! The day was perfect…just like you said. It was perfect and you were perfect…and I did see your legs through your dress. That’s why I walked in front of you. So you wouldn’t be embarrassed. I saw the outline of your breasts and I wanted to drop everything right in the moment and take you in my arms and kiss you until I could no longer breathe. My body was shaking with adrenaline but I knew I wanted everything to be just right for you. It was going to be our first time and I didn’t want to rush anything. I’m so sorry to have gotten you into this. I’m supposed to be the man…to protect you…to love and care for you…how could I have made such a huge mistake?”

“You are the man and you do love me and care for me. You didn’t know we would end up here.”

“But we did and now they’re probably going to kill us and there’s nothing I can do to save you.”

“That’s why I need you to remember our day and focus on our love so we can figure out how to escape.”

“Maybe I need a reminder…”

“Of our love? With them watching our every move?”

“Yes, I’ve never been---WAIT. Cut! Cut!”


“This is so lame. So much talking and it’s taking forever to get to the sex. I don’t think this is how making a porno works.”

“I have to agree with Andy. I mean, the whole opening is us talking about the awesome day and sex we had and then are we kidnapped or something by some weird meadow creature or something? I still don’t exactly know how this is supposed to work in the script. And then we actually do have sex in this...dungeon or cave or whatever this is supposed to be?”

“You guys, listen, we’re trying something new…you know, to appeal to both the women and men with this one. That’s why we started with talking about the romance for the lady viewers and now we’re getting to the nitty gritty scene for the male viewers.”

“That’s literally the lamest thing I have ever heard.”

“I agree with Erin. It’s lame. And why is she the one reminding me and giving me the pep talk? I’m the man. I should be the one trying to keep her moral up after being kidnapped.”

“That was actually Erin’s idea. The script was originally written with you as the hero but then Erin said all movies depicted women as weak needing to be rescued and thought if we were really trying to get the female demographic, we should flip the genders.”

“Wait. Erin’s the hero? Does that mean I’m the one in the sundress?”

“No, Andy, jeez. Erin is still in the sundress. All of that is still the same. We only changed the middle part after you’re kidnapped. Now, you’re the one who’s scared and needs rescuing and Erin gives you the pep talk with blow job—”

“Remember, I can’t do those at the same time.”

“We know Erin. You do the pep talk first then the blow job.”

“I feel like the blow job should come first then the pep talk. What? It makes more sense. Logistically…Come on, guys. Andy’s character is feeling defeated so I give him the blow job which makes him feel more empowered and then I piggy back it with the pep talk so he’s ready to conquer the meadow people and save us. If I do it in the reverse, he’ll be pepped at first but ready for nap after.”

“Erin’s right. I’m always a little sleepy after blow jobs.”

“OKAY! Oh my God, why is this my life. Okay, make a note of this somebody, please. Erin’s character is going to give the blow job first, then the pep talk. Anything else? From my two favorite actors? Yes, Andy, what is it?”

“I really like the sound of the opening scene. I think we should film that instead of talking about it. I looked at the pages and the film’s going to be short about 20 minutes anyway. If we filmed it instead, with the sun showing through her sundress and the food and everything, we would have a full-length film and more sex. I mean, it is a porno so the more sex the better, right?”

“Thank you, Andy, for that, but filming those 20 minutes actually would take a full day of filming as it needs the morning for scouting the location, getting the costumes and food…which I don’t think is in the budget…and then filming in the afternoon for the sun to shine through her dress then you two eating then you two fucking and falling asleep. Then, we’ve got to film you packing up, in the dark, and walking in circles before being kidnapped.”

“Speaking of being kidnapped…”

“Yes, Erin?”

“Who are these meadow people? ”

“We don’t actually have any meadow people—”


July 29, 2022 20:11

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Yves. ♙
08:38 Aug 07, 2022

This is hilarious! I totally didn't see it coming. I love the cynical exploration of narratives in porn. Thanks for sharing!


15:24 Aug 07, 2022

Haha, thank you for reading and commenting :) Glad you liked it!


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Kevin Broccoli
16:18 Aug 03, 2022

This went in a totally different direction than what I was anticipating. I thought you were so smart in how you crafted the story. I went back and re-read it just to take it in knowing where it was headed.


01:57 Aug 04, 2022

Wow, really? Thank you so much! Did it change for you knowing the twist in advance?


Kevin Broccoli
16:21 Aug 04, 2022

I picked up on a few more things, but mostly it just allowed me to appreciate the structure a lot more knowing how it was going to be set up.


21:25 Aug 04, 2022

I think you're giving me too much credit here...but I'm stoked you liked it enough to read it more than once :)


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Amanda Lieser
03:45 Aug 03, 2022

Hi Jeannette, I have to echo the sentiments of the other commenters that this wasn’t exactly where I thought the piece was going. But because of that I was all the more intrigued. I also love how it’s this huge debate over sex and appeal to both genders. I love that you have “meadow monsters” too. I’m highly intrigued by the whole thing. Thanks for writing this piece!


15:00 Aug 03, 2022

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it and it piqued your interest :) I'm fascinated by gender norms and film stereotypes/tropes so this was fun to kind of question those.


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Fiona Dunne
15:56 Aug 01, 2022

I found this story to be really quirky and different and I enjoyed reading it. I wasn’t expecting the “cut cut” and definitely not the porno bit 🤣 Well done on twisting the story and getting the readers attention.


14:23 Aug 02, 2022

Thanks and I wasn't expecting it either, haha. My brain can only handle so much mushy. Thanks for reading and commenting :)


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