Sometimes

Sometimes it’s easy to see what’s about to happen next. You put on your running shoes and as you step outside you notice the rain clouds in the sky. You have a choice now. Better yet: you have an excuse. Tomorrow those rain clouds will be gone and that gives you the opportunity to do something else today. Something fun.

But as soon as you kick off those running shoes all the other chores on that dreadful to-do list suddenly pop up in your head. You regretfully start to wash the dishes and it doesn’t take long before going out for a run seems appealing again. You throw another guilty look at your running shoes and you change your mind once again. You put away the dishes – they’re not going anywhere – and put on your running shoes - again.

Tic … Tac.

You sigh as you hear the sound of raindrops hitting the window. It appears that those rainclouds have arrived faster than you expected.

Sometimes it’s relaxing to go for a run in the rain, but not today. The window of opportunity has closed and you accept the fact that exercising will have to wait until tomorrow. It’s almost five o’clock anyway and that means that the daily routine is about to kick in: prepare diner, set the table (to the dishes first!), have diner, put everything in the washing machine and start the evening by doing homework with the kids. After that, the rain clouds will probably be gone, but by that time you’ll be exhausted and just want to go to bed. You’re going to need your sleep tonight because tomorrow is going to be a busy day; there are still a lot of chores left on the to-do list.

Sometimes life seems easy. Too easy perhaps. The daily routine has been optimized for a maximum of free time and by now the kids are old enough to eat, sleep and play alone. You keep the routine repetitive and simple, just the way you like it. You only have to worry about the little things in life now. Is it going to rain today? Do I have all the ingredients to prepare diner? Where will we go to on our next vacation?

Stuff like that is easy to deal with.

And in those rare moments, when the kids are asleep and your partner lies next to you on the couch, your mind starts to wander. Is there an achievement to be earned for running a household in combination with a successful career? If so, you’re pretty sure you’re entitled to that achievement by now. Good for you! Life is easy.

Sometimes your mind wanders off too far. It brings you back to something that happened earlier that day, when you misinterpreted a message from a colleague and set off a whole series of events that, in the end, went nowhere. At least that’s what you tell yourself.

You can’t even remember what the cause of all the fuss was, but you bumped into an unknown colleague because of it. You hadn’t seen or heard from that person ever before, but one thing led to another and somehow you … connected.

Don’t you find it strange how a person can sometimes come in to your life and all of a sudden they are all over the place? That strange connection you made in a few days ago has grown deeper every time you saw each other again. You’ve started to get to know that person a lot better over the past couple of days and you start to feel that connection turn into something … weird.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep a clear view on reality. Thoughts about that colleague have turned into fantasies. That was a surprise for sure! You are picking up signals everywhere now and you know that you can’t trust yourself anymore. Your judgement of your relationship with that person has been compromised by your own imagination.

The fact that you are both in a long term relationship is nothing more than a footnote in your head. Every time you see each other your mind gets clouded a little bit more. That accidental run-in has turned into carefully timed meetings at the coffee machine. And they’re not random anymore, they’re appointments.

Coffee time!

Your heart skips a beat every time the message pops up in the app. By the way: you’re drinking way too much coffee by now, you should try to quit or switch to tea.

Those chores around the house are a welcome distraction now. They keep your thoughts focused on something else. And the fact that the house has never been this clean before is a welcome bonus. The dreadful to-do list no longer exists.

A few rain clouds no longer stop you from going out for a run; running in the rain fits your mood perfectly. You use the raindrops to hide your tears. You use your frustration as fuel. And while you’re out on a run you fight off the fantasy about actually starting a relationship with that colleague.

Sometimes you need to let go. When your mind clashes with your heart, you know that you have to let your mind win the battle. Keep calm, breathe and move on. Accept that whatever this is, it can only live on as a fantasy. Following your own logic has never let you down before. It brought you this far in life, don’t start ignoring it now. You have a meaningful relationship and you’re happy, right? Remember your achievement of living a successful life.

Why would you give all that up and start all over again? Trust your instinct. It’s not because someone laughs at your stupid jokes, they’re actually interested in you. It might be a laugh out of courtesy or a sign of some kind of brain damage.

Sometimes you need to break stuff. You ask yourself what would happen if a scientist would look at his newest paper and say: “Well, I’ve done it. My theory works and this paper proves it. I can now die happy knowing that I was successful in life.”

Wouldn’t that be going against his own nature? Wouldn't he rather try to break down his theory and apply it to something else, something new? He would definitely find improvements to the original design. And he would certainly benefit by knowing which problems will occur and how to overcome them, because he is an award-winning scientist after all.

But he would not know for sure if the next iteration of his theory would be as successful as the original. New problems will arise. New requirements will have to be met. And there is no guarantee that he is going to be able to duplicate the result or the quality of the original paper. Nevertheless, as a true scientist, he will endure and keep on trying. Because he knows there is a solution for every problem out there. He knows and understands his own award-winning theory like no other.

Sometimes I wish I was more like a scientist.