36 comments

Mystery

It was her favourite hobby, watching the people talk, walk, run, fight, laugh, love, just outside her window. It was fascinating to see. And she felt normal by just looking at them.

She was sitting down on an immovable chair looking outside the window. Nothing good in her head except emptiness. It was one of the ordinary days of July. The rain outside had never stopped from giving tears to her now moist window. She had nowhere to go.

She looked down the street considering the moving traffic interesting to her eyes. She was in a two-storey white house, alone with her own created world. She forgot to wear her eyeglasses that morning. It seemed like time went by so fast that she could not recognise the people passing by on the street.

She was just observing quietly. She could not make any noise or the people, in plain blue, whom she did not know would enter her room and silence her. And that's what she feared the most.

Ever since her Romeo died, they had put her in a room where she felt like a cell. She felt so alone.

Her Romeo was the only person who could understand her world. She remembered the time when they first met. He was so eager to know her name. She could not stop but smile at the thought that he would get the stars and the moon just to have her yes. His persistence to win her over, was what made her realise she had truly and madly found the love she had ever wanted in life. He even tried to impress her dad and played his old guitar with missing strings. She knew he had an angelic voice but still, she didn’t think he could be a singer for good. It was funny.

But then, he was gone. They said it was a car accident. She did not want to believe. She needed evidence but they did not want her to leave. It was painful. All she felt was sorrow every time the sun shone in the morning and she remembered his name. Then, it's difficult to find peace when the sun rose at noon and she had to sleep. Only memories she could remember were there. And she won't stop to reminisce all the things they shared together.

He was so charming with green eyes that always glowed whenever he looked at her. His beautiful white teeth were always there peeping out whenever he threw a smile on her. She looked outside again. Her eyes were blurred, she needed her eyeglasses. But then, she felt the warm fluid flowing non-stop down her cheeks. She was crying.

'Why was I crying?' She had no idea what happened. She walked to her bed, got the tissue she had left and sat back on her favourite chair. She started to wipe her tears and was happy again. Like nothing was there and just went back to where she was doing.

She saw people walking down the street trying to wait for the traffic lights to turn green. Some were impatient and tried to cross the street when there's no vehicle passing by. She found it suicidal. 'I have never liked impatient people, I think.' She thought to herself. 'They're very conscious of time and have very short temper.' She felt like she knew someone with the same behaviour. But she could not picture in her head who it was.

She looked around her room. She remembered she had paintings and pictures on her wall. The massive ones caught her attention. She couldn’t remember the name. Whichever her position, it had never left its eyes on her. He was looking nice in a navy-blue jacket with white collar that matched his white even teeth. His beautiful smiling green eyes were so perfect for his olive skin tone and dark brown curly hair. She couldn’t remember putting them on her wall.

She was gonna ask the woman in plain blue outside her room, but she saw the time. It was already half an hour before breakfast. She normally ate around nine. She was so excited about what they had for her. Every morning, they tried to surprise her with all her favourite food. Last time, they gave her two ham sandwiches with salad and orange juice. She sat on her chair waiting.

Time went by so slow when she's waiting for something. The rain finally stopped. The sun was shining slowly reaching the windowpane. It’s drying gradually. Now she could see her reflection on the glass. Then, it looked like a man. She blinked her eyes many times and he was still there, on the street.

He was wearing a navy-blue jacket with white collar. She opened her eyes wide and got closer to the window glass. His green eyes, smiling at her. 'I think I know that man. Yes! Of course.' She remembered, talking merely to herself. How could she forget?

And he's alive. She knew it. They were lying to her all this time. She waved back. 'My Romeo.' She shouted. She didn't realise the woman in plain blue was already inside her room. She subconsciously introduced her to her Romeo. 'He's alive. Look! there.' She pointed outside.

She didn't believe her. She could see in her eyes how troubled she was with her actions. But she continued, 'I will go out for a while and see my Romeo. He's waiting for me outside.' The woman in plain blue touched her shoulder. She did not like how she grabbed her when she walked to the door, so she flipped her hands off her. She called for help. She panicked.

She couldn't remember what happened next. All she knew she was already surrounded with men and women in plain blue. They managed to put the clear fluid from a tube with a nozzle and piston fitted with a hollow needle, on her arm. She couldn't remember what it's called but it immediately calmed her down.

She could hear them talking, 'She saw him again. It's been twenty years. And we think it will keep coming back. Let's keep an eye on her. She's a lovely lady.' She didn't even understand. 'It was her shadow.' Added the woman and put the food on her tiny table, she was probably expecting.

She was shaking. She closed her eyes trying to remember his face. 'He was right there. Right in front of me. Smiling at me, on the street. I thought he was dead.' She murmured to herself before her body gave in and forgot everything that happened, again.


July 28, 2020 05:17

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36 comments

Charles Stucker
04:23 Jul 30, 2020

The basic account, a woman(?) in a mental institution is plausible. The flow of the story is decent, but there are multiple, serious grammar problems. If your intent was to show the insanity of the inmate by deliberately having odd grammar, it failed. I cannot weigh this against another sample of yours, so I will treat it as though you did not intend the errors. Work on learning the proper past tense for verbs. For example, " I knew he has an angelic voice but still, I didn’t think he can be a singer for good." knew and didn't are past,...

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D. L. Capio
06:11 Jul 30, 2020

Edited. I hope I did it right. English is not my mother tongue, though I will definitely try to learn, read, or even enroll myself to improve my english grammar. This is my first time joining a writing contest. And you were the first to correct me out of all the stories I wrote (in Medium, wattpad, etc). I am very grateful. Thank you so much for reading my story.

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Charles Stucker
06:42 Jul 30, 2020

It's an improvement. A big one. English as a second language can be brutal because of how many exceptions exist to rules. Tag me when you post something and I'll try to take a look at it.

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D. L. Capio
07:50 Jul 30, 2020

That is awesome! Will definitely do, thank you.

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D. L. Capio
04:43 Jul 30, 2020

Wow! That's what I need. That's a big help. Thank you x

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Alexi Delavigne
00:30 Jul 30, 2020

I love what you did with this story, how you set the scene and described the character’a emotions and the voice of the character. Really well done!

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D. L. Capio
04:04 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you x

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Leane Cornwell
22:13 Jul 29, 2020

You take us seamlessly to a giant conclusion that is only hinted at. Bravo!

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D. L. Capio
04:02 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you x

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Bibisha Shakya
02:25 Jul 29, 2020

This was such a great read! I especially liked how you set the tone throughout the story. Keep going!

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D. L. Capio
05:34 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you x

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Anjali Malik
01:05 Jul 29, 2020

Hey, it's such a good story and the ending was perfect. It was so hard for her and so painful to remember him. I was feeling like i was there in the room. Really liked your story . Great first story. And ya i found your profile picture very intersting. Very nice picture. All the very best for your future 😊 💚💚💚

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D. L. Capio
05:35 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you x

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Anjali Malik
16:34 Jul 30, 2020

🖤🖤😉

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A. S.
23:09 Jul 28, 2020

I loved this take on Romeo and Juliet! The ending was so sad (as per the story). Good job! Would you be willing to read my story “Gone” and let me know what you think?

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D. L. Capio
23:54 Jul 28, 2020

Sure. No problem. Thank you.

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Rhonda Allen
17:59 Aug 06, 2020

D.L beautiful story, I did notice what Charles said, but considering English is not your first language, you did an excellent job. I teach English as a second language, I know how confusing and ridiculas our rules are. Keep up the good work.

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D. L. Capio
18:14 Aug 06, 2020

Yeah. It is really confusing. There were times that I thought I already know and then I would eventually forget. Haha Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment xx

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Pamela Berglund
16:56 Aug 06, 2020

I thought your story was good and I was laughing in side because I actually watch people and study their movements. The problem that I had was your time description. It was like being on a roller coaster. One minute your talking about rising at noon, and the next minute you're having breakfast. The second issue was when a character is talking, you should start with a quotation mark and end with a quotation mark. You used an apostraphy mark.

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D. L. Capio
17:44 Aug 06, 2020

It's done in purpose because the character has dementia. Though it's not specify in the story, you might see and observe it through the flow and description of the situation in the life of the main character. And it was already in the past, so I tried to use (') apostrophe instead of (") quotation mark. Sorry if it somehow disappointed you. But thank you for taking time to read, and leave a comment. Very much appreciated. xx

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02:50 Aug 06, 2020

Well done. Poor gal

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D. L. Capio
03:01 Aug 06, 2020

Haha. Thank you x

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Freddy Iryss
22:47 Aug 05, 2020

Congrats for getting your story out there! I pictured an old woman suffering from dementia and you captured the loneliness well. I know from my own experience that writing in another language is daunting and difficult. My advice is read, read and read across all genres. Especially, read your own work out aloud. Sometimes the ear picks up better than the eye.

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D. L. Capio
02:09 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you so much x

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Jessie Nice
02:09 Aug 04, 2020

Oh what an excellent twist. I love this.

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D. L. Capio
02:13 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you xx

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Sara Valentiuk
02:05 Aug 01, 2020

I had a hard time with the grammar errors, but other than that it was a good read. I liked the reveal at the end, however you could have hinted at it more in the beginning. Sometimes it's nice to give the reader a chance to figure it out on their own with small clues and subtle hints. But, for English being your second language, it's impressive! Keep learning and writing, I look forward to reading your work!

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D. L. Capio
04:00 Aug 01, 2020

I think I really have to practice writing more. Because the story has been edited and I read it many times but didn't see that there's still more. It's great to know you've read my story. Thank you x

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Sue Marsh
18:53 Jul 31, 2020

the storyline is good, since English is not your mother tongue, you might want to learn grammar, English is not an easy language to learn, especially proper English. Work on the grammar and keep writing, the grammar will come with practice. This is your first story it takes time to learn, but for a first story you did very well, 60 likes and 23 comments is outstanding. Sue

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D. L. Capio
21:14 Jul 31, 2020

That's right. Thank you so much. x

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Khizra Aslam
06:43 Jul 30, 2020

Hey, i saw that you liked one of my story so i am here to read your story as well. This was no doubt a very touching story with such a good yet painful ending. The story flows really smooth and also I loved how you narrate it. ❤

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D. L. Capio
07:53 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you x

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Khadija S.
06:41 Jul 30, 2020

Great job! I love the take on the prompt. Just a small mistake I caught- near the beginning of the story you change the narration, " whom she did not know will enter my room and silence her. " Otherwise nice story, keep writing :) !

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D. L. Capio
07:53 Jul 30, 2020

Oh yeah, I was editing it. Hehe Thank you for reading my story.

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22:18 Jul 29, 2020

Well done! You captured her pain and turned it into a beautiful never ending love story.

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D. L. Capio
04:03 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you x

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