Broken Wings

Submitted into Contest #58 in response to: Write a story about someone feeling powerless.... view prompt

53 comments

Drama

They say it was the past that drove her crazy.


Those carefree days when she had still been ruthless drunk on all fours, crawling across the calacatta-marble counter table, howling into the night. When inky black shadows that used to lurk only in the corners seemed to somehow materialize, an acrid tangibility that tried to rip apart her soul. When the blackbirds sang a daunting tune as if somewhat beckoning him. The eerie silence whispering in his ear, threatening to inch their way across his veins. She was left with nothing but regret.


Listen to many, speak to a few.


It was almost deserted, a minuscule patch of green that was sanctioned as a ‘park’. But it was midnight, and when California enlivened, sunshine haired mothers would be bouncing their children across their laps, gossiping and unpacking roasted-ham sandwiches from layers of clingfilm. She almost laughed at the thought, knowing she would never experience their happiness, never laugh truly again. The woman trudged wearily towards the water fountain, retaining a gasp as the icy water splattered onto her face. Then a siren, resonating across the dark, leaving her shuddering. She pulls her scarf tighter around her neck, for once, afraid.

It is dark, here. But there are lights inside the windows.


Every exit is an entry somewhere else.


Stretched below her in shapes she could not understand, was the sea. And below the sea... Nothingness. Or something he had never seen before. Somewhere he had never gone, and never wished to be. The scene still replayed in his head, ever since that day. Millions and millions of regrets, the screams echoing day after day, promising to never leave him in peace. She was young back then, but she could never forgive himself. Her name called out...


That one may smile and smile and be a villain.


There is a fake smile plastered onto the man's face. She wonders if there may be a moon or many moons that will resemble the pearls hidden behind his lips if clouds will part those lips and reveal the moon behind that smile. Or if corruption will drift out, showing the devil that stalked behind. She wonders many things but draws to no conclusion. 

“Miss, it’s time” he informed.

She stares at him with a perplexed look on her face, clutching the leather duffle bag, and flashes back a polite simper, and ambles over to the receptionist.


Broken crayons still color.


Yesterday’s her was no longer there. She felt as though it was only a day ago when she was there as a 5-year-old with both of his parents. yet he was no longer perched at the cliff of Nagano, staring at his village below him, the sun glaring at him from a distance. Although the sun part was still true, this was different. His feet buried in mounds of golden sand, deep water before him, so close. He could feel it tingling in his body, the water racing through his veins. She knew it was only her own imagination. But it just felt.. so close. She gazed half-heartedly for a moment before his eyes rested over the sapphire water. ‘This is different, her heart screamed, ‘This… is different."


If she was to fall asleep and never wake up, it wouldn't matter.


She often wondered what would happen if somebody were to write a story about her. It would be a tragedy. There was nothing they would find interest in, misfortunes, one after another. If she were to write a story about herself, she may have rather never written again. Or maybe just written patches of it, and clumped them together, into something that made no sense. She didn't know and she didn't want to know.

She knew yet she didn't.

She didn't yet she did.

Nothing made sense in this world anymore.


The moon takes over the sun at night for a reason.


Now, she notices things she never noticed before. Like that splatter of rain on the window, or the street art filling the walls. Some people call it graffiti, but it adds just a touch of color to the colorless world. It keeps the blood still in her veins, it keeps them from spilling out. She doesn't understand why the government painted over it, making her city just like the others again. She knows that they will come again, and make it magical, yet she still feels a wave of disappointment when it's gone. Daylight and colors give her hope. But when night falls, the demon will possess her again. When darkness hits and wipes away the sun.

Powerless.

Yes, that was the word.

Powerless.

It tasted bittersweet.

It tasted like a memory that never happened.

It tasted like blood, tears, and sweat.


There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.


She used to be so many things. She used to be the prepossessing girl in the sapphire blue kimono, the girl who sung with her heart and danced with her soul, a shine of anticipation the most un-illuminated of nights. She used to dream, even be fearless.

Once.

But since that once, she had been nothing. They said she was alive. That her heart was still pumping and blood still filled her veins. But they were wrong. She had not been alive for a long time. Not since that once.

Now the days are daunting, and she longs to never wake up.

But she does, and when she does, her hair is matted with grease, her eyelids still fluttering. She no longer feels like a butterfly, she no longer has wings.


Thank you for reading this, I wanted to get out some emotions that I've been feeling. This story was the progress of many months, and I'm sorry that this was all I'm able to produce. I can't believe the last time I submitted a story was last year. So much has changed, and so much hasn't. I guess this is just a story, but to be honest, I don't really know.

September 07, 2020 00:39

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

53 comments

Maybe Jupiter
00:54 Sep 13, 2020

Oops I made a mistakes with the beginning accidently calling 'her' 'him'! Sorry about that, she was going to be a male at first but I later changed it :)

Reply

Show 0 replies

I've never read anything like this before. You re amazing. Amazing. I'd love to read your other stories!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Hriday Saboo
02:53 Oct 15, 2020

Hey would you mind reading my new story

Reply

Show 0 replies
Hriday Saboo
02:53 Oct 15, 2020

Hey would you mind reading my new story

Reply

Show 0 replies
Raquel Rodriguez
15:36 Oct 01, 2020

Great job, Jupiter! I can feel the emotion throughout the entire story! Can you read my latest submission and tell me what you think? I would really appreciate it! :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Ophoke Leonard
14:24 Oct 01, 2020

I love the appealing style of your writing. Thanks. Kindly check this out https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B08GZHV17N?_encoding=UTF8&node=283155&offset=0&pageSize=12&searchAlias=stripbooks&sort=author-sidecar-rank&page=1&langFilter=default#formatSelectorHeader

Reply

Show 0 replies
Thom Brodkin
20:07 Sep 17, 2020

There was a depth to this that yearned for multiple readings. Seeing the personal message at the end made it even more poignant. I noticed the gender switch throughout and actually thought it was intentional. I wasn't sure if there was internal confusion or maybe even a transformation but if I hadn't read the comments I would have let it go. This is the first story of yours that I've read and it makes me want to see more. Thanks for sharing, especially because I know it was so personal. I submitted a story called "Choices" using the ...

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
23:01 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you for such kind words, I will try and continue writing weekly because the amount of support is far beyond what I thought. -Jupiter

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Grace Reardon
23:53 Sep 15, 2020

Jupiter, I love this story. It is heartfelt and original, your words are so descriptive, nice job! Also if you have time, check out my stuff too!

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
00:10 Sep 16, 2020

Thank you so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Elliot Thomas
20:37 Sep 14, 2020

I really liked this. Don't doubt your work because it's beautiful. Thank you and keep writing no matter what

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
22:48 Sep 14, 2020

Thank you! I will keep writing.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Andrew Krey
20:30 Sep 14, 2020

Hi, this was a nice story with some strong elements. I particularly liked the paragraph discussing the graffiti. As you acknowledge there was some confusion with 'him' and 'her', which is fair enough with a short deadline, but I would suggest doing this type of story as first person naration. With the emotions you portray, for me this story screamed to have the intimacy or a first person narration. I hope that feedback was useful. Happy writing.

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
22:51 Sep 14, 2020

Thank you for your kind words and feedback. I prefer to write in third person, but I will certainly take it into account. -Jupiter :)

Reply

Andrew Krey
23:55 Sep 14, 2020

You're welcome :) If you prefer then definitely stick to what you enjoy; the alternative would maybe use a name, or if you want to keep it anonymous you could pick out a specific thing about their physical appearance, then refer to them by that. That way the reader can get a sense of who the main character is because they're referred to by inner feelings/emotions, and the secondary character is described more by external characteristics, as they're being observed by the main character. I try to test out approaches and ideas with these ...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
D. Jaymz
16:15 Sep 14, 2020

Your writing is a mystical chant into the soul where poetic prose tingles my mind and has me captivated with each line. Excellent writing 👏 There are some points to polish, but that is just a matter of sifting through some revisions and I'm confident you will find the little nicks and ticks in your prose since most of the work is just fine. The core of the tale is wonderful. I hope you carry on with your writing 😊

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
22:52 Sep 14, 2020

Your kind words are appreciated, thank you! I will remember your feedback and use it in future stories. -Jupiter

Reply

D. Jaymz
00:18 Sep 15, 2020

You're welcome 😊

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Tariq Saeed
07:22 Sep 14, 2020

Title is good.

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
07:49 Sep 14, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
16:38 Sep 13, 2020

This is a beautiful story, really well written!

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
19:16 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Charles Stucker
02:28 Sep 13, 2020

I usually start with pointing out edits I suggest. I'm changing in hopes it will work well for you. Your writing is beautiful- poetic to the point of lyrical. The focus is very tight and personal. I want to know - is the section about the sea deliberate in its shifting genders? I comment on it, but if it has a subtle purpose, I am at a loss. I'm not ever sure if it's a weakness because I don't quite know what you intended there. Now, for my infamous line edit bits. "When the blackbirds sang a daunting tune as if somewhat beckoning hi...

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
02:32 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you, and I will keep those suggestions in mind. I wish I could go back and edit it but unfortunately, I cannot! As for gender shifting parts, at first, she was male but I decided to change the genders before I wrote the last paragraph so that was a mistake. Once again, thank you.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
23:37 Sep 12, 2020

This was truly beautiful. The style of writing is one that I've been trying to master for a while and you did it perfectly. I loved how you dropped little pieces of insight into the story as well. My favorite one is: "The moon takes over the sun at night for a reason" Also as a side note, I love your profile picture! :)

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
00:21 Sep 13, 2020

Your kind words warmed my heart! I am glad that you enjoy my story, and I will hopefully write weekly from now on, I'm not sure yet. My profile picture represents my love for anime and of course, my favorite character Juuzou. :)

Reply

04:10 Sep 13, 2020

Aww I'm so glad to hear that! I'm fairly new to the anime world myself, I've watched a few so far (Deathnote, Fairytail, Paranoia Agent, Attack on Titan and of course, Tokyo Ghoul). Do you recommend any others for me to add to my watchlist?

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
08:12 Sep 13, 2020

Yes! You should watch Haikyuu and Toilet bound Hanako-Kun if you haven't already. They don't contain much gore, but is still fantastic :) Top 2 to recommend!

Reply

16:04 Sep 13, 2020

Ooh I was thinking about watching Haikyuu! Thanks for the suggestions!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Amogh Kasat
01:45 Sep 11, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Would you read my stories

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
22:49 Sep 12, 2020

Thank you so much!

Reply

Amogh Kasat
05:45 Sep 13, 2020

My pleasure

Reply

Show 0 replies
Amogh Kasat
05:45 Sep 13, 2020

My pleasure

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
. .
23:39 Sep 08, 2020

Beautifully written! I love the start

Reply

Maybe Jupiter
00:17 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you so much 😊 It means alot!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
06:56 Feb 16, 2022

first story at 11? smh why is everyone older than me ToT

Reply

Show 0 replies
Akshara .
05:16 Nov 17, 2021

You're so talented, Jupiter!! I could feel the emotion throughout the entire story! 💞 Can you read my latest submission and tell me what you think? I would really appreciate it! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Xander Dmer
19:49 Jan 27, 2021

I Like this Story! Keep Writing :) Can you read my stories when you have the chance? Comment, Share, Like. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies