I hate moving. Boxes start to pile up, and soon there is no place to work out. It would be a month before my move, but, boxes were piling up. The only space I had anymore was my kitchen and bedroom. My work out time, and my self-care time are essential. When you live with mental health struggles, it is important to find a coping skill you enjoy, especially if you decide to not go the medication route. For me, I just enjoy a fun dance work out, some yoga, jogging, and my scented witchy bath products for doing bath magic. When I do not get some kind of movement in, I feel less like myself. Myself is a 39 year old bilingual trainer and out reach worker, avid reader, with a love of things occult and witchy.
With the moving boxes taking up my work out space, I decided to do yoga and meditation outside on the front lawn of my 4 story brick building. I was clad in some baggy yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt and had my dark brown hair in a messy bun. Yoga for me is pretty easy, I am not as limber as when I was in my 20's but I can bend and stretch. It is the meditation that is not. Living with ADD and anxiety makes it difficult to sit and breathe, and not allow your thoughts to get the better of you. I am that person who can just lay awake at night thinking of things from a year ago, and be up until some ungodly hour of the night because of it. I needed meditation though. I'd had a busy week at the not for profit I worked at, and the decompression would be good. I turned my meditation app on, closed my eyes, and breathed in and out, trying to focus of the voice of the woman leading me in meditation. She had a quiet and calming voice. She really made this seem easy.
Wait? Did I have my house keys? Oh yeah, I did, in my pocket. Then I could hear the loud obnoxious pedal tour come by on their bicycle built for 20 or however many people it was. JUST BREATHE. Then came a delivery drive, then a couple talking walked out of my building. I CAN DO THIS. BREATHE. CLEAR YOUR MIND.
"Hey Lisa! How are you?". I opened my eyes.
“Hi Sean. I’m good. How are you?”.
“Good. Just out for my constitutional.” Sean was a neighbor who lived with some PTSD, and TBI. I couldn't hold it against him that he interrupted my meditation, but I was a tiny bit annoyed. It seemed like the universe did not want me to meditate.
“Well enjoy!” He went on his way.
“Oh my god what are you doing?”
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDINNG ME, I thought.
A tall, thin, and clearly inebriated young woman was walking by me. I had seen her before walking down my street, and she always seemed a little off.
I'm trying to meditate what does it look like? I thought to myself, but, I ignored her. She looked out of it and anything I would say wouldn't really matter. I closed my eyes again, breathed, and then my phone started ringing, and that paused the meditation. People know not to call me unless it is an emergency, I am more of a texter. It was a number that I did not recognize calling. It was quite clear that meditation was not in the cards for today.
I’m just going to jog, I thought to myself. I enjoy that more anyways. It is perfect for ADD and anxiety. I don't have to be still, I don't have to try to silence my thoughts, and focus on my breath. Jogging can actually help me to work through thoughts and anxiety. So, I set a timer on my phone, and put my run app on. When I was younger, I ran cross country and track, always preferring to sprint short distances, but, as an adult I loved my 2-5 mile jogs. When I was younger I gave up cross country as soon as I could and that was middle school. I now enjoy the change of scene as I run through different areas of the city and love the sounds, and the different vistas as it goes from day to night. I can put on a good play list and jog. I jogged up my street, waved hi to my friend who worked the bodega I would frequent, by my favorite neighborhood bar, and by the local burger joint. By the time I was done jogging, I had run a total of 3 miles. I felt way more relaxed. My legs were screaming at me, but I felt rejuvenated at the same time. I was more relaxed than I would have been with meditation. I was bathed in sweat, and decided a bath was in order. I first grabbed a ginger fizzy water and then peeled my sweat drenched clothing off and put them in the hamper and filled the tub with a bath potion of seven different salts that were supposed to bring prosperity amongst other positive things. I climbed in and added a bath bomb as well. I good washed my face, and hair, and then just lay back in the tub.
I'm calm, I said to myself. I'm calm.
The warm water engulfed me and melted away the aches from my run. I put on a soothing playlist and I closed my eyes as the vapors from the bath bomb permeated my senses. I breathed in deeply, enjoying the scent of Lavendar. Took sips of my fizzy water, amd could feel myself so relaxed, I was ready to fall asleep. I did it. I was able to finally meditate. Ready for a nap, I got out of the tub, dried off, and put on a short, blue, silk robe. I lay down in front of my window AC unit, drifting into a peaceful sleep, feeling a small sense of accomplishment.