The Train Ride to Our Place

As I sit there on the subway, I can't help but think of her. My guiding light as I walked through life. My one and only love. We took this train route many times, going to wherever we desired within the city, going to our place.

Our place wasn't too far from where I'm currently at, hidden in plain sight upon the nearby mountain’s face. It was a place that only we knew about. It was ours, and ours alone. We would sit there and look over the city in which we lived. Over the bustling, busy streets, and over the even busier sidewalks. What we saw was ever moving, and almost chaotic, but where we were was always peaceful. An escape from the lives we led.

The train operator came over the loudspeaker, "Next stop, ********* station." The stop that led to our place. I found myself getting up quickly, possibly out of habit, but maybe it was out of longing. I got up all the same. I then walked off the train and out of the station. I was headed to our place.

Our time together was sweet and blissful. We'd have coffee, watch a movie or two. We'd spend all of our free time together. I remember our first kiss as though it had happened yesterday, it happened after our third date at a new and trendy restaurant. She pulled me up the long and trodden path that led up the mountain, then branched off onto what was quite possibly the most downtrodden and precarious paths that I had ever seen. “Don’t worry.” she said, pulling me harder than before. I followed willingly, and she took me to what would become our place. Sh kissed me right then and there. “I love you,” I told her. “I love you too,” she said back. We then sat there until the next morning, embracing each other. 

 I should have known that good things come to an end, and so they did. On her way to me, she did. The police report said it was an unscheduled bus, but I knew. I knew that really, it was me. I fell for her, I had her falling for me. I told her to come to our place that day. It was my fault that she had died. IT WAS MY FAULT!!!!

I stopped about a block away from our place. At a little memorial that was erected outside of the cafe where we had our first date. It was her memorial. A constant reminder of that horrible day. I stood there for what felt like many hours, staring at that little shrine. Tears filled my eyes, and rain filled the sky. I wept, wept for her, and for me. I wept and I wept.

I ran to our place, up that winding mountain path. To the grotto looking over the face of a cliff. Moss and vines now covered the place where we would then sit. I saw us there in that moment, together, and happy. The opposite of my situation now. 

The rain poured harder and harder as I neared the edge of the cliff. I stepped ever closer to the edge, yearning for her sweet embrace. I got to the edge and stopped, the tips of my rain-soaked shoes now over the edge. I looked at the city, busy as always, but something wasn't right. Nothing I saw felt right. She wasn't there. She wasn't with me. I kept looking, standing on that edge. Contemplating my next step. I raised up my foot and closed my eyes.

Then, there she was. She was there by my side, really and truly there! I smelled her sweet, floral perfume. I felt her soft, and angel-like skin on my arm. Her stunning ginger hair blew into my face as the wind began to blow. She looked at me, her eyes touched by tears, and shook her head. "Not yet," she said, "not yet." And she led me away from the edge.

Tears still flowed from my eyes as I gazed upon her. She was beautiful, as beautiful as ever before. She smiled at me and stroked her thumb across my face, wiping away my tears. We kissed, and embraced passionately. Like a couple who had not been together for a long time. I never wanted this moment to end. She was mine again, she was with me at our place. 

We then broke apart, and she smiled once again. Joy and happiness filled my heart. Feelings which I hadn’t truly felt since she had left me. She stood there before me, holding my hands in hers. She kissed them earnestly, and I knew in that moment, that she had to go. “No,” I said running forward and embracing her in my arms once again. “Don’t leave me! Stay with me, be with me. We can start a family!” She wrapped her arms around me, quivering as she cried. “I cannot,” she said. “My time had come, but yours still has not. We are of two different worlds now. I am sorry.” I cried with her, and we sunk to the ground together. “I love you,” I said. “I love you too,” she replied. 

We stopped embracing, and looked at each other. I held her hands, and kissed them like she kissed mine. She then got up, and pulled me with her. “Goodbye,” she then said, and placed her hand on my cheek. “Goodbye,” I replied, and watched as she walked away, and faded before my eyes. I stood there again for what seemed like hours. Then turned, and left our place. Never once looking back. I walked back to the station that night, still soaked from the rain, and sat on the train that led home. As the train pulled away, I gazed up at our place, and put my hand to the window. I may not be able to have her with me physically, but my memories of her are good enough. I turned away from the window as the train entered a tunnel, and relived our first kiss once again.