Dumb and Restless

 Dumb and Toothless

When your front tooth falls out in the middle of a fashion presentation, you might think that nothing worse could happen, and depending on your point of view, you may be right. Or wrong.

I worked at a very stressful and physically constraining day job, looking through a microscope, sitting still for hours at a time. To have relief and variety, I joined a company which sold ladies’ clothes at home presentations. It was fun. I went out at night, met new, interesting people, took my clothes off, and came home with money in my pocket. And it was all legal. 

To be a successful fashion coordinator, you need to look the part and act the part. This one night, early in my new sideline, I was on my way to a presentation at a friend’s house when I noticed I had a gaping hole in my pantyhose. A good coordinator always carries extra. Not this time. A variety store was close by, which had some. But I had to scrape through my purse and pockets to find enough money to pay for them. No cards with me either. By this time, I was running late. I didn’t take the time to dig out my phone to alert the hostess. When I arrived at the house, she was pacing and flustered, as I was normally very punctual.

 She had twelve ladies waiting to buy clothes. I was more than a little stressed and trying to breathe deeply to regain my composure. I put on the new pantyhose and hurriedly set up my clothing rack and filled the tote bag. The running commentary in my head was berating me. This is not how to start a presentation, late and flustered. I began.

A tote bag filled with 6 items of clothing was the basis of the show. During the presentation, I removed each piece of clothing, one at a time, and put it on. The guests saw how easy it was to wear the clothes and mix and match the pieces, creating up to 15 different, distinct looks.

Everything was going well, and the guests were having fun when my front tooth fell out of its socket, into my bra. I clutched my mouth and ran into the kitchen where I retrieved the tooth, inserted it into its socket, hoping it would stay. My head was telling me this will never stay in. Maybe if I clench my teeth, it will.

While I was in the kitchen, I could hear the speculating about maybe losing an earring, maybe her contact lens fell out, as well as a few other suggestions. Without explanation -fake it until you make it - I returned to continue the presentation, when the tooth fell out again. Back I went to the kitchen. I was sweating and my heart pounded, all the while knowing this tooth would not stay put. Just get through this.

 I returned and told the ladies what was happening, and they gasped. Two of them paled, horrified as they had a false front tooth, too. They were not supposed to fall out. As the tooth continued to fall out, I returned to the now very familiar kitchen, but then I could feel my throat getting dry and I coughed. I have a condition where my throat sometimes constricts and goes into spasm. It constricts and I choke. It usually starts with a cough. I was self talking by this time. My head was about to blow with the chatter. No! Don’t cough, don’t take that first cough. I coughed, and I was now in the kitchen making horrible gasping noises, trying to catch my breath. Any other time, I would be checking out the décor, not gasping. The ladies were now muttering to each other. I was sure they were deciding to leave, but they stayed. A glass of hot water eased the constriction and calmed me down enough to return to the presentation. I opened my mouth to discover I had lost my voice. Do I just stop now? The end of the presentation involved showing how the tote bag which contained the clothing turns into a jacket, so I quickly mimed the surprise ending.

The ladies jumped up and started trying on clothes. I think they were delighted the presentation was over. I was. Everyone was gracious and told me their tales of woe as they all ordered something.

After the ladies left, the hostess offered to pour me a drink, as we re- hashed the evening. As I was on already buzzing with nerves, I declined. She said she couldn’t believe I continued on, but was happy at how successful it was. She received free clothes with the hostess perks.

I was still on a high while driving home and realized I needed gas. The only opened station I could find was a manned by a teenager sitting behind a barrier. I put a $20. dollar bill on the shelf, ready to push it through the slot when the wind picked it up and it flew across the lot. The chase was on. I grabbed it, ran back to the booth, paid for the gas, and drove home with a racing heart.

It took a long time to calm down, but I remembered to place my tooth on the bedside table so I wouldn’t swallow it during sleep.

My husband and teenage children were at the breakfast table when I woke. I greeted them with a big smile. They gasped, mortified. One said gross, while the other said I probably didn’t make any money. My husband suggested I give up this career. I laughed, but they didn’t see the humour. When I told them I had sales of over six hundred dollars and got three bookings, because they wanted me to come to their houses to entertain them, they silently gaped. I told them it helps to never give up and to learn to laugh at yourself. The following presentations will be a breeze because what more could happen?

 Now what to do next to top dumb and toothless.?