Clan of Wolves: The Portrait of A Broken Angel

THE POIRTRAIT OF A BROKEN ANGEL

A Clan of Wolves Story

by Kevin Howard

ACT ONE

Yuo casts a vicious gaze into his bathroom mirror but what’s peering back at him isn’t his reflection. Instead, the image of a dashing young man, with long raven hair, pale skin, and sorrowful eyes of a piercing green hue, reflects from the other side.

The young man’s name is LIGHT, a rather poignant choice for the shred of clarity left unclaimed by Yuo’s dangerous psychosis.

LIGHT speaks.

“Poor Yuo; subjugated to the delusions of his mind yet here am I, innocent from the role of malefactor to your mental deception. I only wish to guide you through this hell as Virgil once guided the poet Dante through the nine circles. I present myself as one who you can confide in... But your forlorn gaze has a hint of malice to it. Why is that Yuohgami Okami?

Yuo scoffs. “Are you that dense LIGHT or are you just oblivious? I wish you were gone like a mutt’s excrement wiped clean from the bottom of a shoe!! If it wasn’t for this paranoid schizophrenia you wouldn’t exist! Now I’m taking pills like I’m mentally inept or suffering from feverish delirium!”

LIGHT sighs.

“Your temper flares like wildfire, flicking that loose tongue in a noxious manner. You must learn to tame it like Isaiah, whose tongue was cleansed of his impurities. It took the touch of a live coal from the hand of God’s Seraphim to accomplish the task.”

Yuo raises his fist: full of sorrow, full of rage. A misguided punch aimed towards LIGHT. But as he hurls it, LIGHT’s leaps through the mirror and blocks the blow with a nimble catch. Yuohgami’s astonished.

“Your destructive choices only heaps kindling on your fiery wrath; those quick to anger always suffer the first casualties. As the One, who is Perfect and Just in every way, once said to his disciple in Gethsemane, “Put away your sword; for those who live by the sword perish by it.

LIGHT taps his head with his index finger.

“Meditate and summon tranquil thoughts Yuohgami.”

Yuo grits his teeth and growls like a wolf on the prowl.

LIGHT wags his head.

“Are you that addled by mere words you're degrading yourself to moan like a beast?”

LIGHT tosses Yuo’s hand aside.

“Your torrid fury consumes you Yuo. Learn to embrace yourself with His Grace.”

LIGHT wags his head again and returns beyond the mirror’s enchanted glow... from thence Yuo’s pitiful reflection returns; an eerie silence befalls the teenager.

Suddenly LIGHT’s voice resonates with a lingering utterance.

“...it’s not His fault. You ought not to cast blame on He who is guiltless yet you will be stricken with threescore worth of burdens in return...

ACT TWO

 ...sometimes I wonder why the sky over Shibuya is always so cheery while I bask away in this gloomy solitude.

I just want answers to what’s going on in my life.

Why do I have paranoid schizophrenia and why did I have to endure the tragedies leading up to all of the tumult in my adolescence.

LIGHT said I ought not to cast blame on God but isn’t that same God at fault for the world’s afflictions?

I dunno... I used to have faith back then; when my mind was chaste as a blank canvas but...all children are innocent until they mature or worse... something betrays them and they’re no longer pure.

“Yuohgami...”

The sinister voice disrupts my train of thought. It neither belongs to LIGHT nor is a reflection of my conscience. It is all but unfamiliar.

“Yuohgami...”

This one is malevolent... the one that urges me to harm myself.

“Yuohgami... release your soul from its visceral prison and float on into the clouds. The sky is where you belong...play amongst the others who have joined me.”

The urge is as strong as ever but I learned how to fight back.

The only thing that disenchants me from the voice’s beckoning is the thought of her...

I instantly focus on her and dispel its influence over me.

“I claimed you once before Yuohgami, for you are malleable as clay and I will bend you to my will.”

I ignore the warning... I always do...

...Aiko Jaeger... my childhood friend...she’s returning after spending eight years in the States.

I first laid eyes upon her when we were at the Garden Academy for early learners. We were both five.

She was playing with a butterfly and I watched in awe and wondered “Who is this beautiful girl that stands yonder before me. Never have I beheld the grace of poise and elegance in a human being”. I had to find out who she was but I didn’t approach her that day but instead she approached me and we’ve been friends ever since.

But after the third grade she had to move away to Houston, Texas with her family. I thought I had seen the last of her... until I received a letter, addressed to me, in the mail. Sure enough it was Aiko and that was the start of our eight years as pen pals.

...her train will be arriving soon.

I need to be at Shibuya Station to pick her up.

...my twin brother Yamato and our little sister Hitomi want to come too. They better be ready by the time I reach the bottom of the staircase; it’s not for the satisfaction for punctuality but it’s just not chivalric of a man when a maiden depends on him to accomplish a task and he fails her. I just don’t want to screw this up and besides... it’s uncanny of a person to be late.

Without intrusions from voices, righteous or unjust, I finish washing up in the bathroom and ambulate to my closet and dress myself in a punkish wardrobe. As I walk through the threshold of my bedroom door I feel a frigid chill slithering down each vertebrae of my spine.

“Hmph... must be the jitters.”

I descend the staircase.

#

Once I reach the bottom, I’m welcomed by Yamato’s stern glare contrast by his casual posture with folded arms and his head turned to the side but with a glare fixated on me.

 Next to him is Hitomi, unable to contain her giggles.

“You’re late Yuo.” Yamato blurts out.

“Hee hee… we beat ya big bro!” Hitomi proudly states with glee. “Don’t I look cute in this hipster outfit!? I picked it out last night and I’m wearing my cute striped panties too!”

Yamato callously scoffs.

“God Hitomi we’ve been through this! The only thing guys care about those expensive panties is how to get ‘you’ out of them.”

Hitomi shoves Yamato.

“Well Daisuke, loves me and he hasn’t tried to get me into bed yet.”

Yamato sighs.

“It’s only a matter of time sis before Daisuke’s libido kicks in and then he’ll want to see more than those ‘cute striped panties’ of yours.”

“But I have faith in Daisuke! He’s kind, loving and a real gentleman.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Oh pooh... Yamato you’re no fun! Tell him Yuo!”

I sigh.

“Quite frankly my feelings on this Daisuke matter are the same as Yamato’s. I don’t want Daisuke becoming hands on like an octopus. Once that happens Yamato and I will intervene.”

Hitomi reassures us with a confident smile.

“Don’t worry guys. We will not have sex until we’re married. Pinky Swear.”

Hitomi holds up a pinky.

Yamato and I exchange glances.

I shrug and cross pinkies with her

Yamato chuckles, “if your relationship with Daiskue manages to last that long Hitomi.”

“Shut up Yamato! It will last. Daisuke and I are meant to be! Yuohgami just did a pinky swear with me. Nothing is more sacred than the pinky swear.”

“You said that about your last boyfriend too…” Yamato adds while rolling his eyes...

"and you did a pinky swear with both me and Yuohgami that time.”

“But I’m sure about Daisuke!”

Like a jittery squirrel she rapidly looks at me again.

“Tell him Yuo!”

(Geez she takes these pinky swears seriously... but I know exactly what to say…)

“At least Yamato’s up and not sleeping in. And you’re satisfied with what you’re wearing for once... underwear along with socks too...just to be sure..."

Hitomi giggles and gives raises a thumb up as if I sincerely complimented her about picking out matching panties and socks. Yamato breathes an annoyed sigh. (I breathe one too... Hitomi Okami, the fourteen-year-old fashionista.)

“Geez you two really want to meet Aiko don’t you.”

“Pfft… I just want to see if this Jaeger girl is all what you say she is bro,” Yamato states with slight anticipation. “Quite frankly I barely remember her”

“YAY!” Hitomi says brimming with excitement. “I especially want to meet this Aiko too! Mainly because I want to see what she’s wearing so I can grade her sense of fashion. If her clothes are as cute as mine then we can go downtown and spend the whole the day shopping together!!”

(My ploy was a success. Hitomi’s focus has been derailed from marrying Daisuke.)

“Well Yamato, ‘Aiko,’ as she is properly addressed, is all that I claim her to be. I’ve known her since ‘97 and we’ve been friends ever since. We kept in touch with each other even after she left for The States in ’99. Her emails invigorated me. They gave me the will to keep going... they restored my zeal for life; even when I wanted to kill myself last year...

I tilt my head downwards to the right.

“I’m jubilant about our reunion after these past eight years,” I say softly.

Yamato gives me a slight nod.

“She’s that special to you huh?”

I briskly nod

I raise my head and turn to my sister devising something to say to calm her down. She has been giggling from excitement this whole time.

“Indeed Hitomi she has a unique taste in fashion. She’ll probably wear something that’ll outdo your threads and ‘you will’ be the one asking her for fashion advice. Also since she has her driver’s license, she’ll be happy to drive you down town… but not every day.”

“Tee-hee that’s awesome.” Hitomi cheers. “And on the days she can’t drive, we can just ride the bus!”

Yamato and I exchange bewildered expressions.

Hitomi Okami, a fourteen-year-old girl with a penchant for fashion bigger than the moths flying out of her wallet. She works hard at the bookstore in the Dogenzaka District… but blows a month’s paycheck in a week. Luckily Yamato and I make up for her share of the mortgage. She had a rough beginning in life so we’ve decided to let her experience her youth ... until she becomes at least eighteen.

Hitomi is very near and dear to us. Although she’s my little sister I want to give her the best life a father would do for his daughter... It’s the least I can do to erase the shame of being my father’s son.

I glance at Hitomi.

“…I guess I can take you downtown on the days Aiko doesn’t want to shop and I suppose I can also wait for you while you pick out your clothes and try them on.”

Hitomi’s face lights up. She hugs me. Her embrace is tight... sincere… something familiar; something nostalgic. Resonating like echoes from my past. More like a voice becoming rasp from constant screaming; screaming for a lost fantasy to restore itself. But that fantasy has been reduced to a hollow husk that’s moldy and putrid from decay; no matter how loud that voice wails or a single teardrop shed from eyes exhausted from crying, that fantasy is long gone. Today is just a marred reflection of the past.

For now I close my eyes and embrace her hard. An image flashes within an instant. It flickers long enough for me to make it out. It’s an image of a demonic entity shrouding me with shadows.

“You’re living a lie Yuohgami!”

As if jolted by a shock I awake from the brief reverie.

“Hee hee! Thanks big bro!” Hitomi squeezes me tighter.

“…no prob sis.” I hug her back, perturbed by what I just imagined.

Hitomi and I release each other.

“Yeah.”

Yamato nods, slips on his shoes and heads out. Hitomi leans over and whispers into my ear.

“I think Yamato got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

I shake my head.

“Nah it’s not that Hitomi. Yamato’s just Yamato sis.”

“Oh yeah… that’s right. I keep forgetting.”

Truth is our brother is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s a form of mild Autism. Yamato may seem callous when approached, but deep down he’s burdened with the weight of the world’s scrutiny... It’s just hard for him to reciprocate human emotion and to accept his own flaws. He’s forever in limbo with himself and his pride as the firstborn. On seldom occasion he opens up and reveals his true emotions.

I was surprised when he offered to escort me and Hitomi to the train station.

Hitomi is diagnosed with a mild case of OCD and Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD. It’s an odd combination of mental disabilities but that explains her fashion obsession and her nearly infinite amount of energy. Her attention span is somewhat on par. At times she acts like a child despite being fourteen, but she carries herself like a proper young lady.

We’re all on meds for our conditions. Hitomi’s current medication is improving her attention span, but it’s an ongoing struggle along with that OCD of hers… like me with my Schizophrenia and Yamato with his Asperger’s Syndrome.

I pat Hitomi on the head. “Don’t worry Hitomi. We all have our struggles. When you stumble just stand back up and keep walking with your head held up high.”

Hitomi smiles back and pecks me on the cheek. “Thanks Yuo.”

“No problem,” I reply

She slips on her boots and merrily skips outside.

I walk outside and gaze at the heavens.

“It’s not that I don’t believe. It’s just that I... have trust issues. I stand betwixt heaven and hell but knowing oblivion is closer to either no matter what say I have in the matter I may as well flip a two sided coin, accept my decisive fate and cast myself into oblivion since hellfire awaits me at road's end.”

I breathe an anxious sigh.

“To be honest...I don’t want to be your enemy... but what can you do to shift the tides in my struggle?”