I stood in front of the body and stared at it for a while. A lifeless corpse…...i wondered how it felt….being alive one second and dead the next. As I looked around I saw everyone around me in tears crying and wailing over the body. They must've cared for her. She was pretty and whenever I saw her she was always with someone. It was typically a man….though I didn't see any of the man she was with at her funeral so that was a bit odd but I didn't think much of it.
“I am so sorry Ren she cared for you so much!”, my aunt said in tears as she embraced me in a hug. The woman in the coffin was my mother. My oh so caring mother who barely said a word to me in my life and whenever she did speak to me called me a demon. As my aunt cried while hugging me I stayed silent and stared at my mothers body. I wasn’t quite sure what exactly I was feeling. It wasn’t sadness….it wasnt relief either. I was feeling a bit curious. How it felt to be alive with your heart beating and then the next second dead. It was interesting. I was there when she died. She was in the hospital and the last thing she told me was that I was a demon. I didn’t feel anything when she told me that. And then she took her last breath and stopped breathing then and there, her eyes wide open staring at me….staring into me.
The rest of the day went by with people talking about how loving and caring my mother was. Then they put her in the ground and buried her.
I sat in my aunt's car as she said goodbye to everyone who came to my mom's funeral. My aunt offered to take me in even though she already had 3 kids herself. Her husband worked far away. I agreed and now here I was. I wondered what everyone was feeling while they were crying. They seemed to be in a lot of pain as if they needed to go to a doctor. I didn't really get it. I never did to be honest. My Mom loved me. Sometimes she got mad and hit me but sometimes she hugged me. I liked it when she hugged me. My mom's emotions changed fast and she drank a lot. Though still I loved my mom..she was pretty and warm. I think she hit me because she needed something to let out her anger on. If that was me I was fine with it as long as I was of some use to my mom.
My mom called me a demon…...I was different. One day she took me out to the park and I saw a bird bleeding out with its wings torn off. When I saw that I felt sorry for it so I stomped on it until It stopped moving and making sounds. I put it out of its misery. When my mom saw what I did she was horrified. That's when she started calling me a demon. The kids at school called me that too because of how I acted and I had red eyes. My eyes scared my mom too. I had blonde hair like my mom. I don't really know where my eyes came from….my mom didn't have them. I guessed that they came from my dad’s side….though I’ve never seen my dad. My mom says that he's dead.
My aunt pulled me out of my daze as she opened the car door and sat in the driver's seat. “I really am sorry Ren. You don't have to hold it in, you can cry if you want. Your mother was a really wonderful person. She was the best older sister.”, as my aunt talked she started crying again. I looked away from her and started to think about my mom. I really did love her. She was pretty and even though she hadn't done it in a while I always liked it when she hugged me. It was warm. She brought a lot of men home though….and whenever she did she locked me in the closet. I didn't like when she did that but I did like my mom. As my aunt regained her composure she looked over at me and her face full of tears soon changed quickly as she looked at my stoic face. It was the same face my mom gave me. If I were being honest I think I was glad my mom was dead…..she was always crying when she was alive and when she was in the hospital bed she looked like she was in pain. She was put out of her misery.
My aunt looked at me horrified. I looked up at her and after realizing her expression I quickly began to cry. I learned over the years that this was the best course of action. Or else people would think I was ‘weird’.
“M-Mom”, I hiccuped as tears came out of my eyes. I looked back at my aunt and her horrified face was gone as tears began to fill her eyes again. I spent the rest of the drive fake crying until I fell asleep.
“Ren honey we’re here.”, I woke up as my aunt shook me to wake me up. The sun was beginning to set. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and jumped out of the car. I was too small to step out.
“Ok Ren I know you must be anxious but don’t be. My children are very nice. They’ll be happy to have a new addition to the family. You’ll be their new younger brother.”, My aunt said as she gave me a warm smile. I liked her. I nodded my head as I followed her inside the small house.
“Mom, your back!”, I heard as soon as my aunt opened the door. A small girl who looked around 11 hugged her. “Hi Sarah”, she said, returning the hug. Was this what a normal family was like?
“Who’s he?”I heard a boy who looked around 15 ask another boy who looked 14 standing next to him. They looked intimidating maybe it was because they were taller than me,
“This is Mia’s son, he's going to be living with us now.”, as she said this all of their expressions changed. They didn't look happy. After a few moments they all looked over at me and smiled.
“Hi, your name is Ren right. You're our cousin, I’m really sorry about your mom….”, The 14 year old boy started. The girl embraced me in a hug. As she hugged me I paused for a second not knowing what to do. It felt nice and warm. And then out of nowhere I started to cry. I didn't know why exactly but I burst into tears and didn't stop. I wasn't even faking it. I was confused but at the same time not. I guess I did miss my mom after all.
The next week went by with the 3 siblings making me feel welcomed. They really were nice. I had to change schools too. I didn't really have a problem with it because everyone in my old school was weirded out by me. My teachers liked me though since I got good grades. I remembered things easily so I didn't have to try very hard. My teachers actually asked my mom to have me skip a grade but she refused.
“Ren It’s your first day of school are you excited?”, My aunt asked me, giving me a warm smile as she knelt down to meet my eye level. I nodded without saying anything and she smiled.
Me and Sarah walked to school together. I liked Sarah. She gave me a lot of hugs and sometimes slept with me because she was afraid I would be scared of the dark. I wasn't afraid of the dark though. I found it interesting….it was as if I was entering a different world whenever i couldn't see…..as if the darkness was embracing me. A world full of darkness…...It felt nice and warm. Though I didn't tell Sarah that because I liked it when she slept with me because whenever she slept with me she always hugged me.
“Ok Ren we’re here!”Sarah said enthusiastically. “I have to go to my class so I wont be with you. I know you don't like talking much but try to be friendly ok!”She smiled at me again. I nodded silently. As Sarah waved and walked away from me I determined in my heart to try my best to make friends…..I wanted Sarah to like me.
“Hello, you must be Ren.”, a middle aged lady with brown hair said as she gave me a warm smile. I nodded and she flinched when she looked at me...it was probably my eyes. Though she quickly regained her composure. “Come I’ll introduce you to the class and don't worry, all of the children here are very nice. I stared at her and nodded without saying anything.
“Hello class!”, I heard the woman say. “Today we have a new student, Ren. Please come in.”, as she said that I began to walk into the classroom and looked around. All of the kids were staring at me. I didn't feel uncomfortable or nervous. I felt determined.
I introduced myself and sat down next to a girl with brown hair. “Hi, where did you come from?”, she asked me as she stared at me. Then she screamed. “Your eyes!! Teacher, his eyes he's scaring me!”, then she got up and ran to the teacher with tears in her eyes. I sat there not really knowing what to do. That girl was annoying. I didn't like her.
The boy in front of me turned to look at me. “Your eyes look pretty cool!”, he said and he looked like he meant it.
“Thanks”, I said after staring at him for a second. The rest of the day went by with the teacher teaching. The girl that sat next to me switched seats with someone.
I played with the boys during recess. They didn't seem disgusted by my eyes. I didn't feel anything towards them though. I didn't hate them and I didnt like them.
“Hey Ren!!”, Sarah said as she ran over to me. “So how was school? Did you make friends?”, she asked. I nodded my head and in response she patted me on the head. I felt happy I liked Sarah.