The Fall of Ronald Drumph

Submitted into Contest #88 in response to: Write a cautionary fable about someone who always lies.... view prompt

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Historical Fiction Funny

The story of Ronald Drumph is one for the ages. A man whose exploits should have ended long ago by all accounts. He was raised by a famous mogul who encouraged him to be a heartless liar. Ronald was encouraged to always win, no matter what. Failure was not acceptable under any circumstances. His family valued winning, money and the representation of power more than anything. Love, affection and empathy were considered weaknesses. When Ronald was a young man, his father Frank Drumph, was able to secure Ronald to miss mandatory military service due to “medical challenges” akin to having a twisted ankle. Frank was said to have commented that, “People of our caliber don’t go to war. Let the commoners die.” Ronald rose to power on his father’s name and continuous family loans. He followed in his father’s footsteps. The public became enamored by the rising socialite who seemed to have the Midas touch. He was the kind of man that would claim to have the best of everything. “I have the bestest people working for me” was one of his favorite quotes while waving his hands as though playing an invisible accordion. Status was everything for Ronald’s massive ego.

Ronald was known to lie during many of his business transactions, promising to pay for services and then offering no money after the fact. Many times he offered a payment less than agreed upon and then threatened them with long court battles causing the disgruntled person or business to accept the lowball amount. He would lied about the value of his many properties, inflating the value for more loans. He would then claim those same properties were worth less to the Internal Taxation Service as a way to bypass paying higher taxes. He bragged to friends in private, hoping that his “business savvy” would show how smart he had played both sides.

Over the years, banks had run tired of Ronald having ongoing business failures. All financial institutions stopped loaning him money that he desperately needed to live the posh life that he was accustomed to. Ronald was forced to turn to foreign crime families for “investment capital.” He would lie to friends and journalists about the success of his empire. He told anyone who would listen that he was able to acquire extensive bank loans because he was a master negotiator. He even had a book penned under his name, The Art of the Trade. A book he claimed to have written even though it was discovered that a ghost writer was the real author. Ronald felt that he deserved a writer’s award. “This is the bestest book in the world. It has sold more copies than any other book ever, ask anyone.”

His friends found excuses to avoid playing golf with Ronald. He was the kind of golfer that was known for kicking the ball out of rough patches and then marking his swing count as no more than 4 strokes regardless of the hole. Ronald would publicly say, “I play the bestest golf, ask anyone. I had three hole in one’s last month.” Only his closest family and friends would join him on the course. He decried anyone who refused to be a part of his group, often making claims that were just under the legal definition of defamation. “Is he a wife beater? People say he is. I don’t know, maybe. ”

Ronald even lied about his looks. He arranged his hair in a deceptive fashion to make his head look as though it had more hair that he had. He also chose to apply a special lotion to his skin that was intended to make him look as though he had been in the sun all day. He would tell the media, “I wear a suit better than anyone. That’s what everyone says.”

Ronald had a problem with the current prime minister, Barrie H. Olbana. The tycoon presented the news with a spectacular lie that Barrie wasn’t native born and thus ineligible to be in office. He made wide accusations how the country’s leader was born in South Sudan, even forcing the public official to post an actual birth certificate showing his mother having delivered him at a local hospital. Ronald insisted that this was fake and promised private research which he guaranteed would offer the truth. It was reported that Ronald was able to raise a large sum of money from benefactors. No research was ever done and no proof was found.

Getting more money was the core motivation for everything that Ronald was involved with. At one time, he opened an education initiative, called Drumph College, which promised attendees “valuable,” success oriented educational tools. Those who paid for the education services found that the college was a funnel scam asking them to pay more and more for no substantive education. Ronald said, “This is the bestest college in the world, ask anyone. Colleges are scared of the great work we do. There has never been a complaint and I have an elite school everyone is trying to get into.” After only a few years of being open, calls of fraud began to flood the Consumer Protection Service for a lack of quality and pressured sales pitches. The college closed and had to settle a record setting payback plan instead of facing more punitive measures.

While running for the office of Prime Minister, Ronald bragged intensely about his wealth. Reporters asked for copies of his tax returns like had been requested with most other political candidates. The multi-millionaire responded that he would like to share his records, but was unable to due to being under audit. A representative from the Internal Taxation Service responded that an audit doesn’t preclude someone from releasing their records. A partial copy of a previous tax return was leaked to the press. It showed that Ronald had lost more money in a year than any citizen in the country’s history.

Ronald Drumph campaigned on the idea that the country needed a barrier to protect the interior from illegal immigration. It was common that as he took the podium, his audience would cheer “Build the Barrier.” He also promised that they wouldn’t have to pay for the barrier because his negotiation skills were so profound that the border countries would pay for it. This never happened. He had no leverage to make such a claim. When protesters infiltrated his events, he would encourage his supporters to use violence against the voices against him, promising the lie, “I will pay your legal defense fees.” He never offered a dime of financial assistance to anyone’s defense.

He lived as the kind of man whose actions showed the world that he was out only for himself. He mocked all sorts of people during his run for the country’s highest seat of power. Ronald called Spaniards rapists, mocked the disabled, was caught on microphone bragging about grabbing married women on their breasts, told people that political enemies were fair game to seek revenge upon and made it clear that minorities in the country weren’t welcome because they didn’t look like him. Then he lied about ever saying any of the comments that had been seen my millions.

His advisors pushed him to embrace the vote of the religious orthodox. Ronald claimed that he was more religiously inclined than them, calling himself the “bestest religious person in the world” and then misquoted several scriptures that were known to even secular people. Ronald told the country that he was against the use of abortion to win the support of the religious extremists. An interview immediately came to light of Ronald openly and clearly supporting the controversial procedure only a few years before being courted by the religious.

 Ronald was adept at lying to get what he needed in any moment. Whenever he was pressed by the media about anything he was caught doing, he always said that the incident never happened. Ronald often exaggerated the size of his events. After his inauguration, he claimed that he had trumped the crowd size in all the history of inaugurations. His detractors were quick to respond with pictures showing that his inauguration crowd was smaller that his predecessor. He immediately denied the validity of the news report, stating it was “false news” and went on about his next event.

Early into his time in office, Ronald claimed to have received a call from the head of the Kid Scouts to tell him that his recent speech was the “bestest speech that was ever made for their group.” When journalists followed up with the head of the Kid Scouts, the group administrator denied ever having made the statement or ever having talked to the Prime Minister on the phone or making any such statement. Ronald turned on the head of the Kid Scouts and told the news that the group needed a better leader. Ronald was the kind of man that wouldn’t accept dissent in any form. The moment someone questioned him, Ronald would find a way to retaliate, usually through a quiver of lies.

A national health crisis broke out during his term. He lied to the public, telling them that only a few people were infected and the issue would go away without any consequences. The spread only grew due to Ronald’s unsubstantiated belief that the crisis was fake. Eventually, most of his health experts quit so as to avoid being laughing stocks by association. Ronald put in shill experts who cared more about keeping their stocks buoyed. At one time he even publicly “suggested” that citizens may benefit from injecting themselves with a household cleaner. Then he lied about having ever said that. He told the world that the sweeping crisis was not a real danger. Many people believed his words. The scientists were less trusting. More people became sick and died due to his lack of organized response. Ronald told reporters that these would be the last of those to die. He encouraged people not to wear plastic face shields which had been proven to keep the medical concern from being passed to each other. His media puppets and propaganda news wing, Wolf News, reverberated the idea over and over adding to the climbing death toll.

Ronald was known for his womanizing and cheating while married. A reporter asked him about a six figure hush money payment to the adult actress Rainy Danielson, whom Ronald was accused of having an affair with. The Prime Minister said that he had no recollection about ever knowing the woman. Several months later, it was revealed in the news that Ronald had signed a check to his attorney, Mitchel Coban, as reimbursement in the exact amount as the payment to the actress. Ronald said that this was another example of “false news,” even though his signature was clearly on the reimbursement payments. His wife, Marriane, was clearly upset with him and refused to hold his hand when in public. His adult children went on Wolf News to claim that their family was not in crisis. Ronald’s lesson of lying out of a problem was now generational. 

Startling video and audio recordings came to light revealing that Ronald had definitely been with several women during their marriage. The biggest reveal happened while he was with his current wife, before he was in power. A video came out of a hotel room that clearly showed him naked with two women in a hotel room. Many of the acts between the three participants could not be replayed on the national news circuit due to obscene scenes. A copy of the full version somehow made it’s way online, clearly showing Ronald involved. He responded by saying “I am the bestest husband in the world. I’ve never cheated once in my life.”

When the country’s coast was about to be hit with a major storm from the sea, Ronald reported that one of the provinces on the coast would be greatly affected. Meteorologists indicated that the prediction didn’t fit any of their computer models. The Prime Minister’s staff pressured the scientists to alter their forecast so Ronald would be correct. When they refused to compromise their professional integrity, the nation’s leader brought out a map of the coast to a news event with the computer model backed trajectory missing landfall. He used a permanent marker to “update” their map so that the storm would reach the coast as he had said. The storm never reached the area he lied that it would.

Ronald was known to hate his predecessor and wanted to discredit the former prime minister in every possible avenue. He was known for taking credit for the work that his predecessor had accomplished. The more scandalous of these was that Ronald taking credit for passing the Soldier’s Choice legislation which was responsible for opening care centers for veterans. Ronald faced criticism from both sides of the political world for using veterans as a tool for his ego. This misrepresentation was further enhanced by Wolf News opinion commentator, Shane Hammidy, who piled onto the Prime Minister’s falsehoods.

When it was clear that Ronald was about to lose a re-election, he told his supporters about a scheme of momentous voter fraud, later called the “Large Lie.” Those who watched inside the polls offered little evidence to support this claim. Poll watchers on both sides of the political spectrum concurred that votes were cast with little to no irregularities. Ronald wasn’t able to offer any real facts to support his claim. His supporters took the lie to their dinner tables and work cubicles. They took it to Parliament on that fateful day it was over run. Supporters clashed with federal officials, hoping to stop Drumph’s opponent from being made the official Prime Minister. The lies led to the deaths of several peace officers. The insurgents made their presence onto the chamber floor. One person of media coverage was the Drumph Medicine Man who sported face painting and a large fur top hat with plastic, animal horns. Ronald was so deep in his own twisted words that he was able to convince his personal staff to continue the lies. His personal lawyer, Randy Guniali, exasperated the lie over and over on any media invite that would have him. When the accusation of voter fraud was discussed with a federal, three judge panel, Randy admitted in court that there was no voter fraud, only to go on Wolf News and make the claims once more. Ronald lied so much that even his own party members couldn’t believe his words and followed him out of fear of retribution.  

The day came for his deposition regarding business fraud. Ronald had been warned by his legal team about lying under oath. His lead council made it clear that perjury would not be helpful. His honesty lasted for a total of 0:48 seconds. The overseeing magistrate offered two warnings. Ronald didn’t seem to care. It was though he couldn’t help but lie. The deposition ended before a full 5 minutes. A report of the session was issued to the assigned judges. Ronald was called to the stand in his court case to defend his actions. His lies spewed into the public record. The prosecuting attorney kept at him on the witness stand. Each response seemed to lead to another lie. “I didn’t know I was in business. Someone else must have filed those papers. That’s not my signature. I didn’t sign anything to take out the loans.” His lawyer could be seen in the background mouthing for him to tell the truth. The government staff reminded him repeatedly about the consequences for perjury. Ronald was eventually taken into custody after the presiding judges were out of patience for the lies under oath. Ronald’s lead lawyer quit out of embarrassment. His other lawyers weren’t able to help. Even in his cell, he lied to the guards about how well his case was proceeding, “I was the bestest witness on any witness stand ever. Ask anyone.”

Ronald Drumph was found guilty, was given a sentence of 32 years in prison and was forced to sell most of his business and personal assets. The crushing news was so difficult that his son, Ronald Drumph Jr., left the country and was never seen again. His other son, Aaron Drumph, disowned the family and renamed himself as Darrock Obamla as a way to get free. His daughter, Ivy, decided to hang up those shady business practices learned by her family, and start fresh as an honest business woman. His current wife, Marriana, decided that she had more than her share of public humiliation and wrote a tell all book about how his lying ways had hurt her. The book spent 14 weeks on the nation’s best seller list. The contents of her book opened a new series of investigations. The Drumph family never recovered from the lies. No one could trust them except the most radical supporters. Their name would become a laughing stock. No one with the last name of “Drumph” would ever run for any public office beyond city comptroller.

April 09, 2021 12:41

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1 comment

Johan Rosenblad
11:05 Apr 17, 2021

Funny... and so sad.


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