Grandpa's Visit

"Aw mom," Rian whined, "I don't need Grandpa watching me."

"You are an injured young man who needs to rest. That leg isn't going to grow back correctly if you don't stay off of it. I have to go to work, we have a milestone to reach and you used to love visits with your grandfather."

"My human grandfather." Sulking deeper into his pillow, and fussing under the heap of blankets. "You always smother me with these. Real Orcs don't get cold, we're tough!"

Rian was on the verge of puberty, and it could not come soon enough for him. He was starting to get the build and his silky red hair was thinning quite nicely, with his mother collecting as much as she could as a keepsake of her baby. Any day he was sure that he'd get his tusks.

Carol let out an exasperated sigh."You are one-quarter Orc, and that was the leg you lost." She side-eyed her son as she arranged her amulet and chain. "You're just lucky that is all that alligator took. I don't know what you were doing near the Old Ogre's Keep, much less the moat. It's not safe." 

She knew exactly why he was there. Ever since he was little more than a toddler he's been fascinated with Ogre Teams, the heavy lifters and their handlers, erm coordinators, that kept the world running smoothly. Most kids like the carts and construction equipment and eventually grow out of it and into other topics until they notice potential mates. 'The rage of puberty' her grandfather called it. She loathed hearing it when she was younger, but now she understands. Her baby was growing up and she was resigned to the fact that he was going to do stupid things that he won't be able to explain why. He could have just gone through the visitor's gates during regular hours, like when he was little.

He's too young for the training and there's no way in Valhalla she was going to let him take the oaths before he was trained and ready. Not her baby. 

"But Mom, I don't need a babysitter. I have the remote, and I can take care of the house. Isn't that right Arcee?" The family homunculus snapped to attention.

"Too bad. He's here, now I have to go. There's a lot going on, and if my team hits this goal, I may get my own team." She clasped her coat as she opened the door to let in Grandad.

"Hey, there everybody!" Boomed the voice that always filled whatever space it was in. "It's the old man. How are you doing?" He kissed Carol on the cheek, taking off his coat and holding the door open for her.

"Thanks again, I know that this is such short notice."

"Don't worry, I am always looking for an excuse to visit. How is the little man? Did they get the whole thing? "

"Orc!" Came the protest from the bed.

"Oh. You are right, and I am sorry for the mistake." Grandpa had a manner that was just formal enough to make it impossible to tell if he was serious. 

Carol rushed through the door "If you need anything," 

"We are going to be fine." He reassured, "I have been around sick kids before."

"That's what scares me. I remember my childhood." She looked over and added, "I know you did your best. I'm just asking for you to improve." A little." She pinched her thumb and finger together.

"I promise you that no harm will come to the boy." He had a hand on his heart as he closed the door.

"Orc!" was the last thing she heard.

The old man entered the room. He was dressed in the usual garb he always wore which was noticeably generic. The cardigan, trousers, and short-brimmed hat were all in shades of brown and his shirt was a faded green. Rian suspects there is a store that sells clothes only to old men because he's never seen them anywhere but on the elders.

"Grandpa you aren't going to read some stupid story from some old book. I am not a little baby."

Grandpa shrugged. "As you wish, just fetch me some tea, will you?" The humanoid form toddled into the kitchen and the noises confirmed it was brewing.

Grandpa winked at the boy as he pulled out a flask "I brought my own this time." A sip and a wince as the flask was put away before the homunculus returned with the tea. 

"So, no storybooks?" Rian frowning at the old man warily, he knew he was going to listen to him talk about something. 

"Not this time, the thing that you need to hear is that I am listening. Should you ever need to talk." He blew on the tea, "you know what, this is too hot. You prepared it right, but I need it cooled. Could you please bring me a splash of cream?" Magical helpers can be temperamental and negative feedback can be disastrous.

As the little figure trotted out of sight, he took another swig from the flask turning his face into a bouquet of red blossoms under watered eyes. He blew on the tea, praised the homunculus while adding the cream. He handed the tiny pitcher back to be returned. While it was out of the room, he added some of the contents of the flask to the cup.

"Geez, how much do you need?" The boy didn't know what to do. Grandpa rarely had more than a drink or two, he tended to prefer the herbs and tinctures at the festivals. Rian suspected that something had happened in the past. He was sure that didn't want to know what.

The cup of just-right tea was resting on the saucer as he pulled it up to take in the aroma before enjoying the flavors. He closed his eyes and smiled.

"There are few things that compare to a cup of tea enjoyed with good company." He sipped slowly, before asking "would you like some tea? I wasn't sure if you drink it." 

"I'm good for now," Rian replied not knowing if this is some kind of test. "Maybe later."

"No worries. It is your house."

Sipping the tea in silence, he finally broke the silence.

"Has it started itching yet?"

"No. Mom added a numbing element."

"Oh, excellent. This is a twenty-four-hour fix, right?"

The young man shrugged.

"Want to watch it grow back? No?"

"I mean, yeah, but it grows so slowly, I like checking it out from time to time."

"Good plan."

"Yeah."

"You know," the old man took a deep breath.

"I will never know what it's like to be you. I've been the only one of my kind before. Different circumstances. This is a good time to be alive."

"Sure, it is," the boy looked up at the ceiling. "I just love being 'civilized' and not with a horde."

"Those good old days were not as good as you would think. I know that the history they teach you in school feels sanitized, but the hordes were around before they were corrupted and enslaved."

"Horde rights and freedoms have come a long way since I was a kid, much less when the Great Wars went on and after, nobody knew how to live in peace with all the different peoples. We had to integrate the hordes or wipe them out." Grandpa sipping his tea.

"Rian, extinction was a very real possibility in my parent's lifetime." He looked over the top of his glasses adding, "it almost happened when I was a kid."

"No way," he had to know now. "How?"

"Once there was a monster loose in the area. Destroyed property, savaged the animals, even killed a few of the house goats that were left outside at night. They were crushed. Mangled. But they weren't eaten. Everyone wanted to blame the ogres, but their ironclad contracts forbid the killing and eating of humanoids. A couple of taverns were demolished, their kegs missing. The brewery hired armed guards fearing the worst." 

"Let me guess, that misunderstood monster was you." Rian half hoped his grandfather was once more than just a nice old man.

"What? No! I was part of the angry mob of villagers."

"Oh."

"The animals were violated to death but not eaten. I went outside one morning and saw poor little Bappy. Her face was as twisted as her body. "

Grandpa paused. First for dramatic effect, that quickly turned into a question.

"Are you hungry yet? You are going to need something in your belly to grow that new leg?"

"Um, not right now, thanks to your story." The boy didn't try to hide his bewilderment.

"Are you sure? I can get us some barbecue. I could go for some ribs."

"You are telling me about discovering your goat that was raped to death and you're asking if I'm hungry? Gross!"

"I thought you might be, because of the leg."

"Later." Rian wasn't going to be left in suspense. "Who does that kind of thing?"

"We all thought it had to be a rogue troll. The Ogre Labor Union verified that it wasn't any of theirs. The trolls, not being as smart as the others, didn't understand the importance of collective bargaining, were decentralized until the Ogre's Union adopted them. 

Trolls mostly worked in transportation. This was before the Steam Tankers were introduced, and the best powerplant for trolleys and anything else that goes on rails."

Our town had a trolley system. We had the first female orc handler as the conductor. They had her on the night shift, half hoping she'd quit, and one night it happened."

Grandpa sipped on his tea. His smile only slightly noticeable continued.

"It attacked the trolley."

"No! "

"Yes, and that young miss handled the attack so well, it made the news. "

"What did she do?"

"Sit back, I'll tell you. First, let's get something to eat." Grandpa straightened up and said the magic words.

"I SURE COULD GO FOR SOME BARBECUE. I TELL YOU WHAT. I WANT TWO SLABS OF RIBS, TWO HAMS, A SIDE OF ONIONS, AND CRACKLINS FOR TWO. THAT'LL DO'ER."

After the Great War, someone made a deal with the Blood God and converted His temples into barbecue restaurants and crematoriums. The barbecue is amazing and with the infernal gift of prophecy, the orders were made to be ready shortly after it was placed. The Blood God got his sacrifices and the people got hella good barbecue. It was a win-win for everyone.

Calling the homunculus over, Rian noticed Grandpa had switched back to the common tongue. How long had they been speaking orcish? When did Grandpa learn Orcish? He never studied it either, just some of the slang the others used and the lyrics of some of the popular songs.

"Please get the door, there is food that I need you to bring in here, and then get us two big cloth napkins and two finger bowls."

The automaton snapped to attention and toddler-sprinted to the door. And the pair listened to the sounds of the homunculus carrying out the instructions. First down the hallway and back here to place the bulky foods on the large tray table next to the bed before trundling off to collect the rest of the items in his quest. 

When the preparation of the bedroom and those in it to eat completed, Grandpa reached into his coat and pulled out his false tusks from their container, rinsed them in the finger bowl, and placed them in his mouth, biting down a few times to secure them. One was a boar's tusk with silver filigree and the other was some kind of horn that was repurposed, also covered in silver filigree.

"What? You didn't think I was a humie, did you?" Tucking into the slab of ribs, shearing the meat with the tusks, and the boy's failed attempt to not look like he was trying to emulate the techniques was overlooked by the senior who muttered pointers, the two of them were silent and blissful.

"What was the monster?" Rian asked. He rinsed and wiped himself. The little assistant collected all of the debris from their meal and took it to the kitchen. Grandpa pulled out his flask, offered a  bit to the boy, and then a long pull for himself before pocketing it. The homunculus eagerly tidied up the room after it returned from the kitchen. The instructions must have included keeping an eye on the two of them. 

"Egget was what it was called." Grandpa started back to his tale. "It was a golem made to provide life support for a stolen minotaur's penis. It gained sentience and ran amok."

"What kind of story are you telling me? What is wrong with you old man?"

"Watch your language youngster," Grandpa scolded in Orcish. "I will not be disrespected." 

As if on cue, the little assistant curled up in the corner and shivered. Grandpa waited for a second before continuing.

"Some murder hobos, they forgot one very important fact that for most species, the penis has a mind of its own. . It was using the alcohol as nourishment. It's not that important. Not compared to how the conductor subdued the thing."

"Rian couldn't talk, but silently mouthed the word," how?"

"She scolded it."

"Calm down. You see, there they were, Bertha and her troll Edna, pushing the late-night trolley. The streetlights were useless in that dark night and the pre-dawn dew. Typical shift when suddenly the trolley jerked and slowed. Bertha looking for her troll saw her rolling on the ground with this gummy bear-like thing. It was her size, and was humping away like a dog that smells a bitch in heat."

"Grandpa!"

"That's what happened. You are going to be shocked like that, you may miss the best part."

"I.." Rian managed to get out.

"Edna, bless her, had no idea what was going on. She thought it was trying to hug her, maybe even play with her. She didn't think she was in danger, she didn't think much most of the time."

"Bertha got off the trolley and yelled, 'hey! Hey, you. Get off that troll!' She pointed at the gelatinous lummox and gave it a stern look."

"It stopped, and rolled off. It stood up to full height and tried to square rounded shoulders. It was all curves. The minotaur's pizzle floating around inside shook angrily."

"Bertha cocked her head, and raised an eyebrow, and said, 'what do you think you're doing?' She said 'we are professionals and we are working.' 

"The globular faceless thing looked confused. She was furious. 'I will not have you or anything else make us look bad. Do you know how hard it is to get a job? Any job, much less this one. I have worked too hard to get where I am today to have the likes of you mucking it up. I am the only female working on the trolley lines and I'm not going to lose this job because of your foolishness.' Egget started to cower, shrinking from the wrath of this lady, this orc in uniform."

"We are ladies and you will show us proper respect. We are beautiful and not just decoration. You'll not objectify either of us. You can't just take Edna like that! You have to woo her, win her affections first. Then, and only after she consents are going to even consider doing that.' "

Rian's slack jaw closed and opened again.

"As she was giving the creature what for, it was shrinking and shriveling up, eventually it looked like a big sausage with arms and legs. It looked like it was going to cry if it could."

"You are going to make my trolley late and that's going to affect all these good people. Shame on you.' Last part she waved her finger with each word for emphasis."

"The poor thing sat down and put what could be called it's head in what looked like hands and slowly rocked back and forth."

"What happened? Did Egget die?"

"It was never alive, well, the penis was, but no. The Sheriff and a couple of deputies showed up and arrested Egget and took it to jail. I think they found the crew responsible. I don't know and that's not important. What is important is that Bertha proved to the rest of us that she and her troll were as much a part of the community as anyone else. She was promoted to the day shift and took the kids to school. Had that shift until they retired from the Trolley line. She even used to host a little picnic for the kids at the end of the school year."

"...wow. What happened to her?" 

"She retired, abducted the town's kids, and used them to bargain for starting her own horde. Nice Lady. We still keep in touch."

"You know a horde mother?" Rian hadn't thought it was possible for anyone he knew to have that kind of connection.

"I was one of the kids. Now if you can promise to keep your nose," Grandpa gestured, "and all your limbs out of trouble, I think I can talk your mum into letting you run with a horde. Just for the Summer after the school year. You will come back. We need you here. Okay?"