Broken Love Story of My Life

I never should have fallen for him. He was too perfect, too far out of my league. But I couldn’t help myself. The way his eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and how his messy blonde hair seemed to fall just right. He was good at everything he tried and I just didn’t think I could live up to that, and I was right. 

We lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. He was a grade ahead of me but we still had one class together. Every time he came into the classroom my heart would pound and I felt like I wanted to run and wrap my arms around him. The class we had together was not at the school but at a building close by. Every day to me and about twenty other students walked to this building for class. 

He was always late to class, I didn’t know why at the time. Sometimes I hoped it was because he was too in love to be around me. Of course, it was only a childish fantasy and I later found out that he stayed after school to help the art teacher clean up. I would try and time it perfectly so that I would come out of the school and walk right behind him the whole way to class. This rarely worked because his schedule was so sporadic, but every once and a while it would happen. On those days I would daydream the whole way to the class what it would be like to finally talk to him. 

We first met when our parents became friends. His parents are split though so I don’t see him very much. Our brothers started playing together but that didn’t change the fact that we had never had a conversation. 

He first caught my eye because of his art. He was so talented with every kind of art style. Charcoal, pastel, acrylic, watercolor, clay, you name it, he did it. Not only did he do it, but he was also absolutely fantastic at it. He was in advanced art and had artwork hanging on the walls of the school. He totally won me over when I found out he also did choir and performed in plays. 

I have only heard him sing once, it was when his mom picked me up from school. He was auditioning for the school play and his mom asked him to perform his audition. He did and it was so amazing. I seemed to be falling more in love by the day. 

This hopeless romance lasted longer than three years. More than three years thinking about this perfect boy that was so close, but so far. After a while, he started appearing in my dreams. I would hope each night that I would be able to see him. At school, I would stare at him every time I saw him in the halls. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. 

In the end, I couldn’t love him. I shouldn’t have loved him. It was tearing my life apart thinking that he would never talk to me. Every time I think about him, I get chills. He was the one thing that was holding me together but tearing me apart at the same time. 

Whenever I felt sad I would think of him and his perfect face. Those eyes and teeth that sparkled in the sunlight and made me want to crumble and cry. He was so perfect but he would never, ever love me. 

He never talked to me. He never acknowledged me. He never even made an attempt to show that he cared. At first, I thought he liked me back. Whenever he saw me in the halls at school he would smile. But then he stopped, and instead of smiling he would turn the other way and stare blankly in front of him. I didn’t really know what that meant, but I don’t think it meant he liked me. 

It was odd feeling this way about a person you truly have never met. It was that love that people have in movies, except we didn’t meet in this dramatic act of dropping books or whatnot. Instead, he never talked, never looked at me, never really noticed I was there. It was sad to know he was never going to love me, but still, I held on hope. 

I don’t know why I did, or why I still do. Maybe he just has that effect on people. Maybe it’s because he is perfect in every which way. Or maybe it’s because he never had had a girlfriend and I was hoping I could be that person. But no. It never happened and it still breaks my heart to this day. 

Yet I still hold on hope because maybe he really does like me, he just has a weird way of showing it. Sometimes I wish for a fairytale story where love just seems to fall from the sky. Or I wish I wasn’t so afraid to just confront him. But I would never do that, not in a million years. 

He is so far out of reach I could spend my whole life running and never catch up to him. He is so gorgeous and talented I would never compare to him. Who knew so much heartache could come from such a simple act of silence. He was the first love of my life and some days I think he will be the last. He broke my heart without even knowing it. He destroyed my life without even touching it. He made me never want to love anyone else by just standing there. He ruined everything because he wouldn’t love me back.  

One day he might come to his senses and realize he actually does love me. Or maybe one day I will come to mine and realize he is not worth it. But other days, I wish he would just disappear from my life and leave me in peace. When I first started falling in love I didn’t know how hard this would burden me. I didn't know how hard it would be to love someone I should have never loved.