Fool's Web

They gather around the teakwood meeting table, its edges worn smooth and shiny from myriads of elbows, wrists and stomachs. Among the twelve or so people, Ralph wonders if he'll keep his job; Emily on the other hand, not for the first time, wonders which rainforest in South America had to surrender several of its brethren to make the object that they were all sitting at.

It's been a tough six months, sales have been down 11% percent, what with setbacks in various guises. Denise clears her throat, which catches nobody off-guard, then carefully slides her coffee forward out of harms way.

“Ok team, as we're all too well aware our revenue has been flagging a bit. We need to.... turn this around, get back on track.”

“To be fair Denise, the holidays have-”

“I'm well aware of that Ralph,” Denise cuts in “but it's time to get inventive and come up with something that will lift our spirits, and that of the on-line buying public. Or maybe it's the other way around – the buying public can lift our spirits.”

“...then there's the pandemic....” continues Ralph desultorily.

“And now that we have these two hurdles out of the way and spring is here let's try some positivity”. Denise looks around the table and smiles at each face. She has a great smile and knows that it has a lot of pull; she uses this ploy when she needs something extra from her staff, and occasionally her own family.

“How about a play on the word 'thaw'? Since it's spring....” offers Benji, who hasn't been with the firm that long but has helped launch some creative campaigns which charmed the money out the pockets of the public.

Denise turns to him and cocks an eyebrow “How so, young Benji - what have you got for us?”

“Maybe something like, 'It's the thaw that counts'.”

“Won't that be a little too hard to stress effectively though?” Emily jumps in “We'd really have to make a point of pronouncing the 'T' properly, or not, in this case.”

Denise thinks it over “Emily probably has a point there Benji. A good idea though. We'll keep it as a backup plan, yeah?” She takes a sip of coffee then says “Could we, can we, do an April Fools day theme?”

Ralph looks at Benji, but Benji has temporarily lost his mojo and is making notes on his pad to avoid immediate eye contact.

Emily smirks “Like the spaghetti tree April Fools joke? The tree that grows spaghetti is dying, and we'll all be out of pasta soon?”

Benji shakes his head and laughs silently; Ralph lets out a little giggle which he quickly gets in check.

“So how about......” Denise looks to the ceiling while running concepts through her mind, then begins “we.... pretend that our base model is free? Kind of a 'It's so base you may as well take it off our hands'. Then we say something like 'Just kidding' or 'Aprils Fools'. We put that part right up front, on the main webpage. It's just an attention grabber, to get them to click on a link which then goes on to offer a generous saving - seven percent - or whatever we think we can manage based on a projected sales volume.”

“Ooooh, wicked” says Benji.

Ralph nods vaguely, unsure of what to say, hoping someone will cut in before he has to voice an opinion that he hasn't formed yet.

Emily saves his skin “That could be a little... tricky though, Denise....”

“No, no, not if we flag it carefully, that it's really not free but we're just pulling their leg a little - The April Fools spirit. Maybe we could use bold lettering on the website for the 'Just Kidding' part.

“I can talk to the web development team about it.” Ralph adds.

“Ok, good. So, it seems we've got a basic concept in place,” Denise concludes “we'll iron out the details, timing and discount percentage via email exchange.” She is up and gone before any more queries can be leveled.

Six days later, it's the early morning of April 1. Benji and Emily peer down at the crowd on the street, overflowing from the sidewalk, snaking back to almost the subway exit. It's cold, and from up here out of the mirrored windows they can see some people sipping from steaming coffee cups and stamping their feet. The cold sharpens their movements; people mill around jerkily.

“What I don't get is what brought this on.” Benji says without breaking his gaze.

“Uhuh, if you ask me.... this has something to do with-” Emily looks up at the opening elevator doors to see Denise heading to her office. “Hey Denise, can..... can you come over here for a minute.”

“Morning Emily, Benji.” Denise says as she approaches. “What's up Emily?”

“How did you come here today Denise?”

“Drove. I always drive. Why?”

“So you came in via the lift from the basement carpark, correct?”

“Yes, of course.”

“So...... you haven't seen the crowd?”

Denise moves to the window and looks down “Oh hell..... what are..., who are all those people?”

Benji points further up the street “Look! Cops on horses.”

“Cops?” Denise cranes forward “What is going on out there?”

Emily pulls her scarf and gloves back out of her bag “I'm going down there to find out what this is about.”

“Take your phone Emily” Denise advises “and call me if there is any trouble.”

“It'll be fine” Emily beams with an uncanny ease, and heads to the elevator.

Ralph and Emily cross paths as the lift doors open, Ralph busily dabbing at his weeping nose.

Denise and Benji briefly acknowledge Ralph as his sniffles signal his arrival at the window. “Hey, morning.” He looks down at the milling crowd. “I just came in through that ruck of people. The security guard told me that they started gathering out front late last night, said people had asked when the free handouts would begin.”

Denise pulls a taut face “Free? Handouts? We – you - did ensure that the 'Just Kidding' part of our offer was upfront and in bold right Ralph?”

“I double-checked Denise. We can go to the-”

“Well, something's not right....” Benji adds quietly, still entranced by the milling crowd.

“We can go to the web developers' area and I'll show you on their screens.”

Denise nods “I need to see this. Come on Benji.” They make their way to a set up of screens and Ralph brings up the offer homepage on a number of different monitors.

Denise runs her eyes along the empty desks “Nobody in yet?”

“You kidding?” Benji hides a smirk as he mumbles.

Ralph shakes his head “Too early for IT types.” then motions to a group of screens “So there it is Denise,” adjusting the viewing angle of each screen as Denise views them in turn. “right across the screen, the 'Just Kidding' part at the end, as we agreed.”

Denise turns and leans back against a desk. “I.... I don't get it. Why are all those people outside thinking that we're giving stuff away?”

As they sullenly look at the monitors before them Emily unwinds her scarf from around her neck and makes her way to where they have gathered; she drops a glove without noticing. Benji walks back to the glove and picks it up.

Denise puts on a smile “What's the word from our reporter on the ground? How was it Emily?”

“I'm fine Denise, thanks. But the crowd is pretty restless. I think I know what-”

Benji approaches the group “Your glove, Emily. Dropped it.”

“Oh, thanks Benji. I think I know what's happened.”

Denise raises an eyebrow “Happened?”

“Yeah. So, I spoke to a few people and they said that we offered the base model for free. I asked them to show me the website on their phone.”

Benji nods “Makes sense, get 'em to show you what they saw.”

“And they did.” Continues Emily.

“And?” Denise starts to check the website on her own phone.

“And I noticed, Denise, that many of the crowd had either old model smartphones or small cheap models, with small screens.”

Denise frowns “Yes? What's that got to do with-”

“On smaller screens sometimes the text gets cut off. And …..we put 'Just Kidding' right at the end of the sentence.”

Benji sucks his breath in through his teeth.

“So..... they can't see it.” Ralph offers.

Emily nods slowly “Right. So they can't see it.”