K's hobby

Respected reader, the writing below is collected from my friend K. As the subject matter was of a man with ever changing hobby his face was the first I remembered. When we were in our college years he used to be different person everyday (as his hobby used to change daily). However it has been 7 years since I left the college and have not seen him since then but I have him in my Facebook . So I messaged him to write something about this subject matter (as this subject matter will connect to him more than anyone else). This is the reply I got. I've translated it to English and tried my best to not loose it's original intent and spare you of anything unnecessary. 

(Edit :- I received another message today 29th January 2021... I will attach that message in the later section) 

28th jan

Dear friend, you must understand what impression everything has to sensitive souls like of ours. And it is no mystery that such soul in it's eccentricity throws itself to every beauty the world offers to it and yet looses it's interest after she offers her hand to her eccentric but cool lover.

I've had many such beauties in my life in forms of books, guitars, sports, chasing women and thousand other habits. All of them admired, loved and bought while in the end all of them abandoned. Unsure of one's own heart one might even ask himself are these beauties worth chasing over? Are these pursued because of their beauty or of their impossibility?

Once the possibility arises, alongside arises the tiring job of investing rather than admiring, noticing the cracks hidden beneath the gleaming shell.

How often did you see me bring to you hordes of music collection all collected in one day saying my passion was music, or all those meaningless poetry another day that even you knew meant nothing. The next day I would've much enthusiastically drawn some flower throughout the lecture and be ridiculed . Even when I walked aimlessly inside my house I hoped to be picked up by some manager of the hobby that I had undertook that day. Only to hear him say that "Son this is the greatest piece of art that I've ever seen. I will make your hobby a pirate's chest". Undeniably I would've taken it that day but next day I would have run for my home and grab another instrument to save me from that calypso. 

When I think of these simpler, purer days I don't remember any of the content of my hobbies...i know i picked up a pen and wrote down some things in the paper... But the content of it... It is lost in me my friend. All I remember is those summers and winters lying on a bed doing nothing and thinking of nothing. After all those loving and unloving lied my queen.. comforting me and caressing me like a faithful wife to a cheating husband saying to me, all those whims will pass surely.. but I... I... I am for ever and after and a bit further. 

How many-a-times have I emptied my pockets to buy some books or the time when I had to walk extremely alert on the road lest some girls rogue goon might beat me to pulp. 

Did you think I was happy? Happy to spend everything on a pile of worthless ramblings on a paper and not having money enough to buy a single nibble. Was I happy to walk wearily like a beaten and traumatised dog? 

Everything that the world had to offer for me has become a whip. I have quite literally pulled half of my hair off. And all I see in my tables are these demons these flutes and guitar and cricket balls. None of them have been shown any proper love. And the demon may like to stick itself to cool people like itself. I swear they stare directly at me and very much have i envisioned in my mind of the ingeniousness I may have on it only if I tried with my heart (as they say). But all is in the mind. A man born in the age of reason must believe it. Now I do believe however that the body is quicker than the mind.... See how quickly the hand declines what the mind wants. 

My friend, here came my journey to find pure beauty, a shine that is not just a worthless foil, a tail worth chasing forever... Even when caught provides the catcher with eternal bliss. A hobby worth keeping forever..

Only recently have i found my answer friend ... The eternal beauty... Emptiness... It's emptiness... Emptiness is the lustrous beauty that is worth pursuing. Ask any laborious mind or toiling hand what is the most beautiful, it will say emptiness. To do nothing to think nothing. It is the one that we all secretly desire but we are like a insulted lover search for beauty in all the other things that are simply paler compared to her.

In my brief reflection of this world I've seen that most people are either jesters or extremely vain. I've understood that these people shun my queen although she is the most natural to any human being. 

I know the reason for coolness to her . It is because we are living. Living causes sensing and reflecting. Both of them are cruel stepmothers to our queen. We with our horses and broad shoulders may try to woo her but our aims will always be hindered by these hags.

The solution to this is nothingness. To win your queen you must be nothing. But as I write this to you and you read we are everything. We are everything devoid of nothing and hence we deviate between these fleeting beauties. Once we become nothing, you, me and everyone with such feeling will be with our queen of eternal beauty and forever hobby.

29th Jan 

Kalimba my friend kalimba.. I spent my whole day hearing to the heavenly sounds of that eloquent device. I bought it. I ran and i bought. I have played this thing throughout the evening and I don't intend on sleeping today. Sleep provides only dream (more so often bad dream). But this music is what is heard by the gods that live so far away from us. Maybe this is a connector. I'll go out to my balcony and i shall strum the kalimba with my finger and with such... Worship God and hence be loved. As because of it's divine quality this thing will bridge the gap between existence and meaning. Fill the empty spaces with the tune of kalimba and we all will find the meaning.