20 comments

Drama Fantasy

The pickup ran the red light. I screamed as it sailed into the side of my Subaru Outback, then all disappeared into darkness. 

 I sat up on the floor and shook my head, my ears ringing. My clothes were gone, replaced with a white collared shirt, white jeans, and white sneakers. I sat in an empty light grey room, all alone. 

“Hello?” I called, feeling a wave of panic. I noticed a white ponytail on my wrist and quickly used it to tie up my red-brown hair into a braid. 

Suddenly, I heard a door open, but the wall didn’t break anywhere as a woman stepped into the room, wearing white clothes similar to mine. 

“Elodie Marinan?” the woman asked, pulling a white business card out of her pocket and reading my name off. 

“Yes, that’s me,” I said nervously. “Where am I?” 

“You’re dead,” the woman replied simply. “You died in Sunset Valley Memorial Hospital in Sunset Valley, California of your wounds.” 

“Where’s God?” I spluttered. “Am I in heaven?” 

“Yes, you’re in heaven,” the woman said, sounding almost bored. “You took longer to wake up when you died. God has forgiven you and has allowed you in.” 

I exhaled, relieved. “Thank goodness.” 

“Thank God,” the woman amended dryly. “Come.” 

“How am I supposed to leave?” I asked, gesturing to the doorless walls. 

The woman rolled her eyes. “You’re a spirit, Elodie. You have a lot to learn.” 

She spun on her heel, her long black hair waving on her back, and walked right through the wall. I gulped and followed, then stopped and stared in awe at what I saw. 

The ground was white stone, and the streets were made of solid gold. Men and women in white clothes hurried around, entering and exiting their white houses that lined the streets as a loud bell rang. I followed the sound with my eyes and gasped at the sight of a huge golden church that sat atop fluffy white clouds. Angels soared around the high pillars of the church, holding golden bells and clanging them. The men and women all seemed to start to migrate to the beautiful structure. 

“Wow,” I breathed, awe in my chest. The woman stood by my side, watching me take it all in. 

“Come,” she said after a few seconds. “We have to go in.” 

The woman strode ahead, and I hurried after her up the path. When we climbed up the cloud stairs, my feet felt a sudden warmth to them. The woman grabbed the golden handle and swung it open, ushering me inside. 

“Where are we going to sit?” I whisper-shouted at her. 

Every wooden pew was packed to the brim in white-clothed people, all facing the white marble altar. The woman gave me a smirk, her eyebrows raised and pointed at a small wooden chair next to a golden throne with lions engraved on the armrests. 

“Wha-?” I breathed, shocked. My heart pounded like it was thrashing to get out of my chest. “Why up there? All the people-” 

“Don’t worry about all the people,” the woman interrupted irritably. “You’re the newest one here. Everyone new sits up there for the mass.”

She gave me a little push, then stepped aside into a pew. I gulped and started up the aisle. 

“Elodie?” someone whispered. 

I whipped around, fear fluttering in my chest, and caught sight of a woman with long blonde hair tied in a messy braid. She wore a white dress, and her big, curious green eyes met mine. 

“Parisa?” I asked, reaching for her hand. 

Parisa gave me a teary smile. “I didn’t think you would be next. Do you like my hair?” 

“It’s beautiful.” I squeezed her hand and smiled, then continued up the aisle. 

Parisa had been my best friend since I was little. She died at 13 and would have now been 26, the same age as me. She had leukemia. 

I kneeled down at the altar, then walked forward nervously and sat in my chair. I gripped the sides with my fingers and crossed my feet together, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

Bells chimed. I heard people shuffling as I stood up in unison with them as the most beautiful voices I have ever heard started to sing. 

A door opened, and a man stepped out from behind a door off to the side of the altar. He wore a clean white robe with a red sash, with no shoes. He had a long brown beard and long brown hair that went to his shoulders. He wore a kind smile, and his soft blue eyes sparkled. He stepped behind the altar and everyone signed themselves in unison with him as the singing slowly stopped. 

His smile never wavered. 

“We have a new person in our midst,” he said softly, his voice carrying to the back of the church. “She sits beside me.” 

All eyes carried to me. My face flushed like a tomato, and my breathing raced nervously. 

“Elodie Marinan. Come forward.” the man turned to me and beckoned with his hand. 

I slowly walked over to him, not daring to look him in the eyes. He bent down under the altar, then straightened, holding a glass bowl full of water. He dipped his fingers into the bowl and made a cross mark on my forehead. 

I cringed a little, and it made the hair on my neck stand up. The water was cold. 

The man set the bowl down, then touched my chin gently and tilted my head upwards. For the first time I met his eyes, and my nervousness melted away. 

Then his gaze turned sad. “I… Elodie, you’re not ready.”

***

I gasped and shot into a sitting position. My bed was soft and comfortable, and my husband was out next to me. 

I glanced at the clock next to me. It was 7:07 in the morning on July 7th, 2017. 

Was it a dream? I wondered. 

I looked down at my hands. They were ice cold. 

Feeling cautious, I pulled the blankets off me. I was dressed in a white collared shirt, white jeans, and white socks. White sneakers sat next to the bed. 

The thought struck me like the pickup struck my car. 

Did I die?

Then another hit me- 

I wasn’t ready. 

***

The next day was Saturday. I grabbed my car keys from off the table by the door and stepped outside. 

My Outback had been repaired, and it chirped when I unlocked the doors. I plopped inside, started it up, and drove down Beach Drive till I reached Saint Anne’s church.

I stepped out of my car, then started up the stairs into the church. One of the parishioners greeted me at the door. 

“Elodie? Is that you?” she exclaimed happily. “Welcome back. What made you decide to come back?” 

I smiled. “Just some divine intervention.” 

The woman grinned, pleased. “Welcome back. We’re so happy to have you.” 

She opened the door, and I stepped inside, my footsteps on the wooden floor breaking the silence. 

An older couple in the back row turned their heads, and when they saw me, their faces split in ear to ear smiles. 

“Mom. Dad,” I whispered, sliding into the pew next to them. “Can I sit here?” 

Mom smiled. “Everyone is welcome in the house of God, Elodie. Welcome back.” 

August 24, 2020 23:48

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20 comments

Keerththan 😀
07:11 Sep 06, 2020

This story was so creative with the afterlife. Loved your descriptions and writing style. Then ending was also wonderful. Great job. Would you mind reading my new story and share your views on it?

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Megan Sutherland
15:02 Sep 06, 2020

Sure, I am visiting family but I will at first chance.

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Keerththan 😀
15:07 Sep 06, 2020

Thank you!!!

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Avery G.
00:21 Aug 25, 2020

Wow! This was really good! I really liked the plot of the story! Great job!

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Megan Sutherland
00:25 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you so much, Avery!

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Avery G.
00:31 Aug 25, 2020

You're welcome!

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C. Jay Loren
03:33 Aug 30, 2020

Very short and sweet story. And thank you for reviewing my story. :)

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Megan Sutherland
12:05 Aug 30, 2020

Of course!

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18:24 Aug 27, 2020

Hello, Megan! Wow. This story was very descriptive, and your storyline was jaw-dropping. The dialoge flowed well, and Elodie's character was very realistic. The fact that she wasn't ready really warmed my heart, and when she saw her old best friend that passed away from cancer was heart-breaking, yet heart-healing at the same time. Beautiful job! Keep writing and stay healthy, Your #1 Reedsy Friend and Fan - Brooke

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Megan Sutherland
19:03 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you so much Brooke! I missed opening my notifications and seeing Brooke D. and it makes me happy I got to get feedback from you again! Stay healthy!

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20:33 Aug 27, 2020

You're welcome! I know, I know. I've been really busy with school starting next week, and some of my relatives that live in a different state were visiting. I'm glad that I'm back now, though! :D

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Megan Sutherland
20:37 Aug 27, 2020

Haha! What grade are you going into?

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21:25 Aug 27, 2020

Sorry, I prefer not to share that kind of information. I know that most people are good and trustworthy, but you never know. And other people could read the comments, so... Sorry! :/

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Megan Sutherland
22:00 Aug 27, 2020

That's fine!! I can assure you I'm not a creep lol, but I understand your concern and I'm totally fine with it. I'm 12 btw. 😂😂

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Jonathan Blaauw
14:40 Aug 27, 2020

This is a cool story – a nice little moral tale with a happy ending. You present it in such a simple, user-friendly package, it’s really hard not to admire it. It’s also very heartfelt and serves as a nice reminder that we gotta be good here on Earth, ‘cause you never know when it’s gonna end. Life, I mean. Although, Earth too, judging by 2020 so far 😊 The only thing that jumped out at me is your character's reaction. At one point, we’re told she feels ‘awe’ but that doesn’t come through, especially when she first finds out she’s dead. I ha...

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Megan Sutherland
16:44 Aug 27, 2020

Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Jonathan! Thank you for all of this feedback. I agree I have some things to work on with mood and reactions and things like that. I'm more used to writing about animals, which if you read some of my other work, you will see. Thank you for the compliment as well! I really appreciate this feedback! Stay safe and healthy, and thanks again! -Megan

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