Simple Life

“What in the cosmos are you doing?” asked a bewildered Stewie.

“I am watching to see how long it takes for my popsicle to melt,” replied Nubert, staring at it intensely as it slowly dripped to the ground.

“I spent the little amount of money I have on something you love, and you watch it melt instead of eating it?” Stewie asked in astonishment.

“Just think Stewie. Maybe we can make money if I go to the scientists and tell them how many drops fall from a popsicle. I bet no one knows.”

Stewie was about to say something but quickly closed his mouth. He sat there in silence for the next couple of minutes as he tried to work through his creative thought. He scratched his head then his butt, then used both of his hands to scratch the sides of his head. Once in a while, an idea will come to mind with a good scratch.

This entire time Nubert continued to stare at the popsicle as it continued to drip away. He started to worry because his counting was rapidly approaching the three-digit numbers. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Stewie!” he cried out.

There is silence due to Stewie in deep thought, and Nubert trying to keep count. He thought he said a number twice or three times of the same kind.

“Did I say ten again?” he thought. “Or was it fifty-five? Argh!”

“What, what?” asked Stewie as he rapidly came out of his trance. “Aah!” he cried out as it felt like he just had a brain freeze.

“Are you okay?” asked Nubert. “I’m not.”

“I thought I had a thought, but my thought flew away so now I have no thought,” Stewie rapidly said.

Nubert looked at Stewie with a dazed look, not sure what to say. There were too many words of the same type rapidly firing from Stewie’s mouth. It was quite overwhelming, which started to give Nubert a headache.

“Ouch!” he cried out.

“Ow!” Stewie cried out.

People walking by them quickly picked up their pace. One or two showed some concern, but upon seeing the scrunched up faces with eyes squeezed tight, pouty lips, and hands flapping in the air, they moved on for their safety.

Stewie calmed down first and stared at Nubert as he expressed his pain.

“Were you trying to think too?” Stewie asked Nubert.

Nubert abruptly stopped his ranting, staring at Stewie for a few seconds, then looked the opposite way, back to Stewie, then to the popsicle that was drenching his hand.

More silence as the two tried to figure out their predicament. Stewie wondered why Nubert was in pain, therefore, couldn’t remember why he was in pain.

“Maybe it’s phantom pain?” he thought. “They say so when you lose a limb. Maybe I lost my head?”

Stewie touched the top of his head, sides, nose, lips, and chin.”

“Still there,” he proudly proclaimed.

Nubert ignored him as he tried to figure out his situation.

“Or is it there?” Stewie asked himself. “Maybe I want it there so it shall be there, but in reality, it’s not there so it shall not be there, which means I’m headless. An illusional head I’ve had all this time.”

Stewie once again started to flap his hands as he wondered how he could continue to live life without a head.

“The agony of it all,” he thought.

As Stewie contemplated his headless situation, Nubert wondered why his head hurt and he held a popsicle in his hand.

“Do I like popsicles?” he asked himself. “I must or I wouldn’t be holding it. Or maybe it is Stewie’s? Maybe I took it from Stewie?”

Why did it seem to be such a complicated scene?

“Did you want this back?” he asked Stewie, but Stewie ignored him for he was just starting to contemplate his possible headless condition.

“Maybe it’s mine?” thought Nubert. “But my favorite color is blue. This one is red. Or is it red? Maybe I’m color blind?”

He would ask Stewie, but he was ignoring him. Maybe he was mad at him, but why?

“I bet this is his popsicle,” the idea popped in his head. “But he is ignoring me in frustration so there is no way I can give it back to him.”

Stewie started flapping and squawking again so Nubert knew he was becoming upset.

“What shall I do?” Nubert contemplated. 

He looked around to see if maybe anyone could help him, but everyone quickly walked by, looking straight ahead.

“I think they are all aliens,” he thought. “We are the only humans on this planet. We are the only normal ones around here.”

Nubert looked back at Stewie, who was rubbing his head all over.

“My God!” thought Nubert. “Is his head on fire? I don’t see any flames. No matter what I need to do something about it.”

Nubert thrust the popsicle into Stewie’s mouth. Stewie stopped thrashing about and started sucking on the popsicle like a baby bottle.

“I think I just saved Stewie’s life?” Nubert asked himself.

Stewie did feel much better for he had a popsicle in his mouth, which meant he must have a head. Or is this a phantom popsicle?

“Please God. I hope not.”

Stewie wondered if this could be his final day on Earth.

“Is this Earth or could we be on Mars where everyone is headless?” he thought.

Stewie looked at Nubert, who had a head.

“Do you feel better?” asked Nubert.

Stewie sucked a couple more times, then took the popsicle out of his mouth.

“I think so,” he replied. “Thank you for the popsicle.”

“I thought your head was on fire,” stated Nubert.

“You can see my head?” asked Stewie with excitement.

“Of course,” replied Nubert. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Stewie was about to reply when he looked at the popsicle as it started to drip. Nubert waited for Stewie’s response, but upon getting none he looked at the popsicle.

Drip, drip.

Both of them started counting as the popsicle melted away.