Best Friends

“I can’t do this.” I whispered, my body trembled, an inner chill making it start to shake.

“I can’t… I can’t.” I cried out, doubling over as tears fell along the top of my white wedding dress.

I fell to the floor, my body wracked with sobs as I cried out. The sun shone in the room, illuminating my white dress of love and tears. I can’t marry him. I can’t. I can’t.

“I can’t!” I screamed, tearing the veil from my face. I threw it across the room, watching it hit the mirror and cascade to the floor.

I tried to stand and quickly realized that I couldn’t, my right heel broken where I’d slammed my foot on the ground. I... I couldn’t do this. My heart raced, my body shaking. I have to marry him. It was my responsibility and duty to marry him. If I did not marry him, my father would be lost. The toll it would take on my mom, I couldn’t even imagine. I stood, wobbling over to the cracked mirror. My makeup was smeared in multiple places, joining in with my dirty blonde hair. I looked a wreck, but I couldn’t do this to him. He deserved much better than what I was offering… a loveless relationship. I picked up the strewn blush brush and slowly applied the red to my cheeks. After a few strokes, I realized that it didn’t make my face appear any better.

Maybe this was a sign, but it couldn’t be a sign, but maybe it was. I wasn’t making sense to myself now. All he was asking for was my heart and eternal love, and I couldn’t even give that to him. I was offering him nothing, because my heart was with someone else. The wind blew into my room, brushing the curtains back by the hotel bed. The beautiful light streamed into the room, sparkling, providing me with a shred of happiness that I did not feel. I was heartbroken. I was giving my life to a man I did not love. All for money…

The tears came again, falling down my face, makeup tracks falling with it. “Damn it, Katy. Get it together.” The words managed to come out. I slammed the brush against the wooden desk, knocking lip stick and brushes to the floor. 

This was a failure. On the day that is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I felt hollow and empty. My heart was soon to be on a flight to New Jersey, leaving California forever. Leaving me forever empty. I attempted to turn around, stumbled, and fell, knocking the chair down with me. I heard the tear before I saw it, a long line down the side of the five-hundred-thousand-dollar wedding dress. A wedding dress that was supposed to represent everything that I was not. A wedding that was never meant to be, and a love that I would never have. 

There was a hard knock at the door, slow but increasing with impatience. “Katy?” The voice uttered. “Katy, it’s Doni. Katy, open up the door.” My brother said. “Katy, open up.”

He knocked on the door again, the knocking continuing for another ten seconds before there was silence. I couldn’t do this, and they would never understand. They would never be happy. They would never understand.

The door knob jiggled, and there was another knock, much gentler than the first. “Katy. Katy, it’s mom.” I lifted my head to look at the door. Here she was to yell at me, to yell at every dumb decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t want to disappoint her. I couldn’t disappoint her. Anyone but her.

“Katy, it’s mom. Katy, come open the door.” She knocked again. “Katy, I know its tough, but you got to let me in. Katy, I’m here. Open up.” The words seemed jumbled in my head.

“Go away.” I whispered, and with more force “Go away!” The second time sounded like a croak.

“Katy, you know I can’t do that. Let me in. Please.”

I couldn’t let her see me like this. I would disappoint her and everyone outside that door. I just couldn’t. I slumped over on the floor, letting the tears pool on the carpet. They would be so angry with me. I was no longer their strong Katy, the brave Katy, their princess Katy. I wasn’t anything. Not with the love of my life leaving me.

I heard a key card slide into the door, the familiar click affirming the key, the turn of the knob, and the door opening. “Katy, oh my god.”

My mom rushed over to my side, her heels making silent noise on the rose-colored carpet. “Katy, are you okay?” 

She pulled my arm, tugging me into a sitting position with the mattress as support. My mom looked at my face. I struggled to look away from those blue eyes that were there throughout my entire life. She smiled that warming smile that only a mother could give. Looking toward the door, I saw Doni and my little sister Lucy. There was concern in their eyes.

“Leave the room.” My mom said without looking in their direction.

“What about the wedding?” Doni asked. “Everyone is waiting downstairs.”

My mom’s head turned sharply to Doni. “Tell them that she will be down soon. Now, get out.”

I turned back to my mom, her eyes watching the door shut with Lucy leaving behind him. My mom turned slowly to me, her infectious smile returning. I tried to return the smile, but it looked like a grimace. I couldn’t help laughing, my mom joining in immediately. She brushed my hair behind my shoulders and cupped my cheeks with her hand.

“Katy, my Katy. Katy, my Katy” She sang, her soft voice like a lullaby. She was always the best storyteller and singer. “Hey…” She said softly, looking me right in the eye her blonde hair glistening in the light. 

“Mom, I can’t do it.” The tears returned, pouring once again. “I can’t.” I whispered, shaking my head and looking down, refusing to meet her gaze.

“Katy, my Katy. Look at me.” My mother practically begged me now.

I slowly looked up at her, and she smiled again. “Mom, I don’t love him.” I said quickly. “I never did, and I never intended for this.” The words seemed to flow out of me. “I thought… I thought that she didn’t love me, and I was scared.”

My mom’s hands slowly lifted my face to meet her face. There were tears, but the smile remained. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay!” I screamed out, slamming my hand against the floor. “Dad needs this. He needs the money for the surgery, and I have to do it. Mom, I have to marry him, and I can’t. Mommy, I can’t marry him.” I choked up.

She grabbed my shoulders, pulling me toward her to an embrace. She gave me a quick, securing squeeze as my tears ran down her shoulders. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She whispered in my ear.

“No, Mom. No, please Mom.”

My mom released me from the embrace, and placed her hands back on my cheeks. “I am sorry. I didn’t know that I was…that I was pushing you to do this.” A single tear slid down her cheek, it streaking and falling on to the white cloud that was my now ruined wedding dress. “Katy, it was never your job to take care of this family.”

“We can’t afford the surgery, and Dad—”

“Your father would want you to be happy, regardless of his surgery or not.” She shook her head, pushing the hair from in front of her face without moving her hands. “He would want you to be happy. So…are you happy?”

“No.” I responded. “No, I’m not happy.”

“Then, he’d say ‘what the hell are you doing, then?” I laughed at her impression of my Dad. He would say something like that, although more swear words would fill the sentence. My mom would shake her head and roll her eyes at him.

“Katy, he wants you to be happy, and I want you to be happy.” Her thumb brushed an oncoming tear, smearing a bit more makeup. “You’re still my little girl. And your happiness will always hold precedence.”

I looked at her. Her own tears were showing. “God, I remember when you were born. My beautiful blue-eyed daughter.” She laughed. “Your father was so happy…It was that day that I knew that you were my everything.” Her smile seemed to leap to me. “Katy, if Thomas isn’t the one, then, you need to find the one. You need to go get your one.” She whispered. 

My mom pulled my forehead to her lips, giving it a light kiss before releasing me. She stood up, her elegant stature shadowing me. “What the hell are you doing? Go get your one!” She yelled playfully. 

Her hands extended towards me. I took her hands in mine, and she pulled me to my feet. I heard the dress ripping even more. “My one is on her way to the airport.”

She smiled, turned and walked toward the door. My mom turned towards me, her hands on his hips, her nails matching the beautiful turquoise dress she wore. “Then, it looks like you have some work to do.”

“What about the wedding?” I asked.

“Leave it to me.”

She turned back toward the door. Her hand touched the knob and turned it. “Mom!” I yelled, running toward her. My dress caught on shoe, and stumbling, I landed in her arms, her laughing shaking the both of us.

“If you wanted a hug, all you had to do was ask.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too.”

I released her from the embrace, and stood looking at her. “Best friends?”

“Best friends.” She confirmed, and she turned and left the room.