Lost In My Thoughts

The noise was deafening. 

I was alone. The lights were swirling around me like fireflies. My friends had lost me in the sea of people looking for the next ride to go on. The carnival was always my favorite event. Although, crowds scare me, and here and there is a person or two every two meters from the last. I try to manoeuvre my way around the tall giants that stand in my way to the light. 

Everyone is having fun. It was always a happy time in my life going to this event. This time it was a way to get my mind off the post-breakup depression. Last year was one of the happiest years of my life. 

I was with him.

The perfect guy.

Now my ex. 

I don’t understand what happened or why. He just changed and started becoming cold. I stare at all the happy couples standing getting fairy floss, playing games, or giving the other the prize they won. It makes me envious of their happiness. I can’t help but feel saddened by the memories that follow me like wildfire through a forest. I try to block out the pain in my heart with the blaring music from the rides and live performances. Yet again I find myself trudging through the crowd desperate to find the friends that left me behind. I stare at a game through the crowd. I push through people left and right. I finally made it to the game. I hand over a ticket and the man smiles at me.

“Maybe this will be your lucky day!” He exclaims. The wind sweeps my hair in front of my face. I sigh before pushing it back. It was trying to block me from the painful truth. The game was the game he used to play with me. Every time I got another prized teddy bear. This time I was doing it for me. I threw the ball at the cans with all the force that the anger gave me. It scatters the cans in all different directions. The man smiles and asks me which bear I want. I point to the plain one with rainbow paws. The only one my ex never got to give me. It was mine now and I won it without him. This was mine and I got it. I showed him up and I could win them all, then rub it in his face. As I walked away the people behind me gawk at my ability. Then yet again I’m lost. Lost in my thoughts. Lost at the carnival. I continue to walk looking for my friends. I walk down every section of the carnival but the place is huge and it frightens me. I keep walking but faster this time to cover more ground. My world starts spinning. All I could hear was noise.

Carnival music.

Ride noises.

Screams of enjoyment.

People talking.

Staring. 

Looking.

I notice a boy sitting on a bench alone. He seemed about 5. He was crying and holding onto a teddy bear whose arm was ripped. I walk towards the child, trying to calm myself down beforehand. 

“Hey, buddy,” I say, pitching my voice higher and speaking in a softer tone.

“Hello.” He manages to say between sobs.

I look at his bear and then at him, “Is this the problem?” I ask, pointing to the bear. 

“Yes,” He sobs, “Some meanie trampled it.” He cries harder and now people begin staring. I look at my bear. I won this without my ex. It was my triumph. Although this teddy bear is me still not accepting it was over. I was trying so hard to show I don’t need him I didn’t realise that it was just me holding onto his memory. Part of me knew that he would always haunt me but if I learn to let go, maybe I’ll be able to move on. I look at the boy’s tear-filled blue eyes. 

“Here.” I hand him my bear. He looks at me, his once sorrowful blue eyes light up like stars staring at me. The biggest grin appears across his face and he stares at me. His small hand grabs mine.

“Thank you, pretty lady.” He says, still gripping my hand.

“I’m sorry Leo, I couldn’t win you another bear.” A tall boy walks up his figure looming over me. I look up to meet his gorgeous green eyes. The carnival lights light up his eyes and make them look like the northern lights. The way his dark hair swept slightly to the left side of his face. It took me a second to realise I was staring. I get up and smile at the kid before going to walk off. 

“Hey.” His voice echoes behind me.

I turn around and look at the gorgeous guy, “Yes?” I ask.

“Thanks for helping my brother.” He smiles. I go to say something to him but there is a little tug on my skirt. I look down to see the little boy. 

“Can you come on the ride with me?” He asks, giving me the cute eyes that make it very hard to refuse. I look up at his brother who nods and smiles. 

I sigh, “Of course I will go on with you.” I smile at the little boy whose face lights up as he grabs my hand in an attempt to drag me to the ride. I walk slowly when a hand grabs my other free hand. The older brother smiles at me while my face flushes red. He and his little brother drag me to the ride. We go on many rides and eat more carnival food. It made me forget about my troubles. We sit on a bench eating some fries, as me and the older brother laugh over the little boy stuffing his mouth with them.

He turns to me, “I never caught your name.” 

“Angela,” I smile “And you?”

“Kayden.” He replies, giving me butterflies. Within this experience, I had forgotten I had lost my friends. I check my phone that was set to silent and look at all the missed calls I have received. I then read the message I received 2 minutes ago.

Waiting at the entrance for you. Hurry up, Angie!

I stand up from my chair placing my phone in my bag. 

“I have to go,” I explain while moving off the bench.

“Wait!” He exclaims grabbing a pen from his pocket and the small piece of cardboard from the box that held the chocolates we got. He quickly scribbles something down and gestures for me to give him my hand. I place my hand in front of him. He places the piece of cardboard in my hand.

“It would be nice to have you hang with us again.” His words make my face flush a bright red colour like a rose. 

“I wanna hang with her again!” Leo shouts and Kayden gestures for him to be quiet. As I go to leave, Kayden hugs me and I get a high five from Leo.

I dash for the entrance and meet up with friends to walk home. 

I look at the piece of thin cardboard. 

I would like to hangout with you again. Maybe without Leo. :)

Here is my my number -

Xxxx-xxx-xxx

Love, Kayden

Needless to say, I think I should get lost at carnivals more often.