34 comments

Drama Fiction Sad

I don’t know who I am. I know my name, I know my age, the way to work, the way to my apartment, but I do not who I am. I was born alone. Physically with people around me, but with people I never knew, I’ve never met, talked with. I do not have a memory of a face that brought me into this world, who was fondling her stomach until the very moment I was born. Scars spread around my body, invisible, but not painless, pain me every time I try my hardest to bring the memory of the scent, touch, the feeling of that someone who was patiently waiting for my big arrival. Where is she? My mother? No. 

Mother is a woman of a child she takes care of. Some children that never knew the women that gave birth to them, had their mothers in their life. Nobody has the right to say ’your real mother’. Some kids have two moms who take care of them, no matter the fact of which one went into labour. Some children have one mom, that gave birth to them, some have moms that didn’t give birth to them, but are still their mothers, and some children don’t have a mom. 

I had people in my surroundings ask me „Do you know your real mom? Would you like to find her?“. My answer was always „I have a real mom, I don’t know what you are talking about?“ I don’t blame them, how could I? They don’t know my opinion, that I consider the woman who took care of me, my real mom. 

The stranger. That is what I am to her, and what she is to me. Strangers. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Would I like to meet her? Well... I don’t know. Perhaps. 

We do have history; it would be silly to ignore that fact. The history that I do not have a memory of, and she does. Would she remember the feelings she had while waiting for me? 

The burning sensation under the fingertips. Moving them like ballet dancers their legs, gently across the belly. You were coming closer to your belly button. You felt my kick with the foot, and you had a huge grin on your face. You shouted, calling your.... husband? Wife? Friend? Whoever it was for you. You had all the feelings that you couldn’t explain, flooding your tiny body exhausted from all the cramps I gave you. Your breath was slower, and it was really hard for you to breathe. The organs move as the baby grows larger, that resulted in your short breaths. You must have known that. You wanted the baby and because of it, you went to the doctor regularly. He told you about the breathing. I am sorry mom! I would tell you. For causing you all this trouble!

Why does one leave a baby? You know it is hopeless without you. Were you alone? You couldn’t handle me? Tell me! I want to know!! 

Silly me. 

I could scream into skies and seas and you would never hear me. 

I am, sometimes, excepting a miracle to happen, guess I am like that. I can’t and I won't change it. Maybe I got that from you, the person I met, but do not remember? I would be wrong to say that I have never met you. As the doctors pulled me out of your body, they leaned me towards you and gave you the baby to make the first contact. For me to feel you and smell you.

Touch. 

Senses. 

Humans. 

Nothing more than imperfect beings. 

As I said, I can’t blame you for not being with me because I don’t know your story. 

Ah!

It is so hard to hate you! But I don’t love you either. 

Why do this to me? Okay, leave if you want, but why don’t give the reason to at least hate you?

Since I can’t hate you, I hate the fact that I know that you exist. Till this point, I knew who I was. I wasn’t alone. But now... I am not sure if this name belongs to me. If the address where I live belongs to me, the money that bought me the clothes I am wearing, the, almost, dead plant, sitting on my window feeding with the sun but not with the water. That is how I feel if you would truly like to know. I feel like this stupid plant sitting on my stupid stool. Feeding with the sun, everything in life that I already have and had since I know of myself. And then you come with your stupid invitation to some apartment, asking me to meet you. How rude of you to intervene in my life that was amazingly going well. And now I am parching. Like that stupid plant, am I right? 

Why now? Why are you so selfish that you needed to rip of my identity and leave me like... like...? 

You won. I’ll meet you. Still not sure if I hate you, though. 

After I look you in the eyes. 

Hear your voice. 

Feel your touch. 

Hear your story. 

I will now. 

You. 

Me. 


The light flickers. 

The dread.

I am here... I whisper.

I look at the letter you sent me and check if I am in front of the right apartment. That is it. Apartment 34. I knock, twice. The hinges creak as the door slightly moves by the force of my knuckles. 

"You are late." A womanly voice echoes. 

The blinds are closed. The dust has risen as I made my way into space. I am looking around, trying to find the face of light in the room of darkness. 

Nothing. 

She is nowhere to be found. 

"Come closer" Again, the same voice stuck in my mind as I heard it somewhere long before coming here. 

My feet move without my intention to move. Right in front of me, there is a desk, a pen, paper, and a necklace. 

"Take a look." 

I listen to the voice, not minding the weirdness behind that, as it is normal to me. I take the piece of paper from the desk and dust it off. 

I unfold it, and look at just a few words written on it. Someone wanted to write more, but as they didn’t have the time. The pen was still there, ready to be written with. 

As I sum up the courage to read the written words, I check the necklace. Inside of it is a picture of I woman I have never seen before. She is beautiful, nonetheless. She has rosy cheeks, small lips, big eyes, and ginger curly hair. Her smile, so warm, put my heart in flames, but it didn’t hurt. 

I love you, Jess. And I shall always love you, my sweet child. The letter reads.

The unknown tear slides down my cheek. Jess? I don’t know any Jess, why do I feel like I do?

"Because that is you." 

I quickly turn and there she is, the woman from the picture. 

"Who are you and who is Jess?!" I demand to know.

Before she had answered anything, my body shivered. The woman before me makes me believe I am in a dream. I can see through her... the door, the picture behind her. I rub my eyes and as soon as my vision cleared, she utters with a soft voice. 

"I am your mom. You are Jess."

My heart races. Shivers are more intense, and I feel cold. Anger? Hatred? Love? No. None of that. I feel something strange, something so different that is very unfamiliar. The mixed feelings of love and hate and confusion. Everything tangles up in my mind. How come I see a ghost? Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating? What is going on?


"I don’t have much time Jess, or whatever your name is now. For me you will always be Jess, my sweet baby. The strong emotion emerging from you since when you read the letter keeps me here like an anchor. The letter I wrote 25 years ago before you were born was the first letter, I wrote you and the letter you read before coming here. It was a sweet gesture I came up with so you could read it when you grow up. So, you could feel what I felt back then, instead of telling you the stories of how it was like for me before you were born. 

The second letter on the table you found was the latter I started writing before I went into labour. That is the reason why I’ve never managed to finish it. You see, my dear, I died. I died giving birth to you. That is why I was never by your side. 

Your strong emotions that you had when you read the letter, whether sadness, love, or hatred, bound me to this place. The place where I’ve lived before I died. 

If you look closely at the letter, you’ll see the date when it was written. I presume you didn’t look closely enough, because you were distracted by the words written on that piece of paper. 

The address to this apartment will disappear as soon as I disappear. It wasn’t there when I first wrote it because I couldn’t know what would have happened. That is why there was just a letter of the stories of your mom. 

The address is just an illusion created so you could find me here, and so I could see you. 

I don’t know how you found the letter, but what I do know was that I was brought here, in this very apartment number 34 where my life used to be. My first guess was that you somehow found it, and I had to do something so you could find me."


I lost all my words. Tears are pouring down my cheeks. My heart hurts like it is being stabbed with millions of knives. I want to ask, want to say something, but words don’t leave my mind. She truly didn’t have much time because the very emotions I had when reading the letter disappeared as the new wave of emotions took place. Before I could say something she just smiled and disappeared before my eyes. 

As she told me, I had to look at the letter so I could see if the address would still be there. As she promised, it wasn’t there anymore. 

I nestle the only memory of her close to my chest and get down on my knees pouring my soul out through my tears. She was gone my whole life, and all of sudden so close but at the same time so far away. And now... she is gone for good. There is nothing more of her I could smell, touch or feel, than this apartment. This space called ’34’ is my home, my bond with her. 

I don’t hate you, mom. How could I hate you for loving me? For dying for me, so I could have a life?! 

May you rest in peace, I love you. 


January 30, 2021 14:49

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34 comments

Radhika Diksha
17:16 Feb 05, 2021

I love that you are studying psychology. I love that course.

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Nancy Drayce
18:03 Feb 07, 2021

It is very interesting! 😘😊

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12:58 Feb 11, 2021

I really enjoyed reading your story ! You captered her mixed feelings so well and I like how you incorporated the prompt into your story 😊

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Nancy Drayce
12:59 Feb 11, 2021

Thank you so much!! 💙🌟🥰

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Yvone Mthembu
12:31 Feb 11, 2021

Nancy I know I said the last one was my favorite but I love this one too,you leave some of signature with your stories which for me is emotion ,your words force one into whatever situation you have created and I felt intrigued with the opening line"I don't know who I am" I honestly wish we were friends during my school years I am sure I would've aced my English Essays with your guidance. You're studying psychology? No wonder your words reel me in Congrats once more

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Nancy Drayce
12:43 Feb 11, 2021

Thank you so much!! You make me believe in my self and in my work even more! I am so happy that I found Reedsy because it connected me with people like you and many others that I had met here 💙🌟 Hahaha, you are amazing too! Writing takes practice; I wasn't so great when I started. If you are interested you can read my first short story I posted on my blog. I wrote it like 4 years ago. I believe that story can show everybody that if you just keep writing you will brake the limits and get better and better with each passing day. Thank you on...

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Yvone Mthembu
13:21 Feb 11, 2021

I did see you reply and I thought I did reply back, if I didn't sorry problem is I am a bit outdated and don't have an instagram account as I have it and have gotten the hang of things I will be sure to tell you

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Nancy Drayce
13:25 Feb 11, 2021

Maybe I missed it, anyway, of course! Let me know! I have twitter that I don't use as much, but everything works for me, so whatever you choose just let me know 🥰

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Yvone Mthembu
13:22 Feb 11, 2021

I did see you reply and I thought I did reply back, if I didn't sorry problem is I am a bit outdated and don't have an instagram account as I have it and have gotten the hang of things I will be sure to tell you. Praises are just what the Dr ordered for you

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Yvone Mthembu
13:22 Feb 11, 2021

I did see you reply and I thought I did reply back, if I didn't sorry problem is I am a bit outdated and don't have an instagram account as I have it and have gotten the hang of things I will be sure to tell you. Praises are just what the Dr ordered for you

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Cathryn V
23:09 Feb 08, 2021

Hi Nancy, We chose the same prompt. It's a difficult subject to write about. I like what you've done with it. The protag's pain is on the page. Good job!

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Nancy Drayce
07:29 Feb 09, 2021

Thank you! I'll check yours soon! 💙🌟

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Radhika Diksha
17:16 Feb 05, 2021

Shout out writer IVY HATHERALL https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/ivy-hatherall/ FRANCES https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/frances/ Shout out story https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/78/submissions/52220/ {This story is amazing. A must read} This week's list. Please do read their stories and give them feedback. It will boost their confidence and give them a nice moral support

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Nancy Drayce
18:02 Feb 07, 2021

Of course! 🥰

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K. Antonio
23:50 Jan 30, 2021

This story seems very experimental and to me I felt like there were a few abrupt pauses or sentences that felt unfinished. The tale is jarring and eerie, but a think it needs some more details. - Then second half of the story, reads like a different story. It reads like a suspense or speculative fiction, but things are not explained. Like the address, the letters, even if the mother is a ghost, everything is a bit sporadic and without so much info. as to why it's happening. The beginning of the piece feels like a stream of conscious, the...

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K. Antonio
23:51 Jan 30, 2021

Plus, I commend you on having a story out already. It's only been a day and you got a piece published for this week's prompt. I haven't even been able to think of anything, so congrats!

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Nancy Drayce
07:45 Jan 31, 2021

Thank you for your feedback! I don't know what is confusing about the address and about the mother being a real ghost, because it is kind of obvious, right? I mean she said she died and suddenly she was brought to Earth. And she was brought because of the strong emotion of her daughter, and the emotion is related to her mother so that is why. And as far as the address goes it was supposed to be something 'supernatural' like playing with her mind so she could connect with her... The address was never actually there. And I will definitely try ...

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A.G. Scott
23:28 Jan 30, 2021

-Make sure to put quotes around all the dialogue! Otherwise there are some pretty jarring transitions, for example between the mother talking and returning to the narration. -I feel the first half is a bit vague. There is a great opportunity there to make the protagonist more distinctive. Specifically, you could include specific memories to make them seem more real. Example: instead of 'people in my surroundings' you could name a coworker from wherever it is she works. I thought parts of this were potentially very moving, but like I said, i...

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Nancy Drayce
07:50 Jan 31, 2021

I definitely agree about the quotes and dialogues! I was thinking about doing that because something felt weird. And, yes, you are right about this " instead of 'people in my surroundings' you could name a coworker from wherever it is she works." I will do that! Thank you so much for the feedback! 💜🌟

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23:27 Jan 30, 2021

"I don't know who I am." I mean, what a great way to start a story. I personally enjoyed this. Great work.

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Nancy Drayce
07:46 Jan 31, 2021

Thank you so much!! 💜🌟

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Daniel Hayes
21:58 Jan 30, 2021

Wow! This was an amazingly beautiful story. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this story. I could feel the passion shining through your words. I couldn't help but to think of my own childhood. My dad left before I was born, my Mom and Grandmother raised me. Years down the road, I got word that my dad wanted to meet me, but he died of a heart attack before he had the chance. Very emotional story that was easy to read, you did a wonderful job:)

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Nancy Drayce
22:01 Jan 30, 2021

Omg I am so sorry! 🥺 I felt shivers as I was reading this comment. Thank you so much Daniel, it truly means the world to me! 🥺🥺🙏🏻💜

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Daniel Hayes
22:05 Jan 30, 2021

No need to be sorry. This is beautiful story, and I'm sure that other people will feel that same emotion, especially if they had the same experiences.

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Nancy Drayce
22:08 Jan 30, 2021

Thank you once again!! 💜🌟

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15:48 Jan 30, 2021

Wow! I loved reading this story! It was beautiful and amazing. Enjoyed the plot, characters, and everything in between :) Great job!

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Nancy Drayce
15:58 Jan 30, 2021

Thank you so much!! 💜🌟

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The first sentence really hooked me into this story Nancy...great job!

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Nancy Drayce
19:18 Jan 30, 2021

Thank you!! 💜🌟

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Your welcome!

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Rexiho Fleur
23:08 Mar 03, 2021

Same! Even though I’m real late reading this! ;)

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