My Wind

I stood there, on the cold, steel bridge overlooking the rushing waters below. They were the same waters that I hoped would take away the pain and darkness that consumed my every thought. As the wind whipped through my hair, I couldn't help but think that this was the end, the only way to escape the suffocating emptiness inside of me. My mind was a whirlwind of pain and turmoil, pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

Where are you now, sissy?

I remember the day she promised she would never leave my side. She promised that I would always have her to lean on if I needed her, and that she would stay with me forever.

She lied to me.

As I gazed off into the glimmering stars nestled ravishingly over the dark, glistening water, my eyes were holding back a rainstorm of tears. Visiting Hailey here didn't bring me comfort anymore. It only brought me pain. That's why I came for one final time. I was one leap away from being with my sister forever; from meeting her at the exact place she had left me.

My feet shook uncontrollably underneath me. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to stay. leaving was the only option. Leaving was the only thing that would release me from this prison cell of hurt that I was trapped in. Leaving was the only thing that would finally lift the excruciating weight of grief off of me. It was the one and only thing that would carry me home, to her. It would carry me home to where she was waiting for me.

With weak hands and closed eyes, I prepared my feet for the final release. This was it. I was going home. Tears streamed down my face as I stood there, my whole body trembling with fear and heartache. The thought of leaving tore me apart, but I knew I had no choice. Staying here meant being trapped in a never-ending cycle of pain, and I couldn't bear it any longer.

Every second that I stood there on the bridge felt like a heavy burden, each one weighted down with the weight of my sorrow. I wanted to have her back, to hold her tight and never let go. But I knew I couldn't do that if I stayed here. This was the only way to find solace; it was the only way to find peace.

I could almost hear her voice, encouraging me, telling me to be strong. To keep moving forward, and trying hard in everything I do. Every fiber of my being just wanted to be with her again, and I knew I had to leave behind this place that held nothing but memories of her absence.

With a heavy heart, I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. This was it. The final release. The only way to break free from the chains of grief that bound me. I could almost feel her hand guiding me, urging me to take that first step towards home.

. . . Home?

The forceful wind pushed against me, almost like a slap in the face. Then suddenly, I was there. I was laughing and holding on to my beautiful, perfect sister. I was holding on to my everything.

"Savannah? " She breathed, ending the laughter and staring me into my eyes with seriousness. "Promise me that you'll always be better than me. Learn from my mistakes and use them as your guiding light, leading you away from the same pitfalls that I've fallen into. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I can't bear the thought of you wasting it with one wrong decision. "

I jerked my head back and abruptly wrapped my hands tightly around the side of the bridge.

What was I doing?

Her words echoed through my mind like echoes from a pulchritudinous averie. How could I forsake her wishes for me when all she ever did was make me happy? I had to hold on to the memories, the laughter, and the love that she never hesitated to give me. As I felt the wind calmly brush my hair back, I realized something. She was the wind. She was my hope and my guide. She will always lead me to where I need be, which is here. I need to be here, living the life that she never got to live. I had to let the wind carry me forward, to a new chapter. A chapter that would be filled with hope, healing, and the knowledge that our years together were more than I could have ever wanted. And now, while it seemed she was gone, she was more present than she ever had been. She was my wind, sweeping me away toward something I truly needed. She was the wind, and I was the kite. She made it possible for me to keep going, but it ultimately was up to me to fly.

She was my constant companion, my confidant, and my source of strength. My wind would always be there, reminding me to keep going, to keep hoping, and to keep living.

At that moment, I found closure. I found the strength to say goodbye and to let go. And though my heart still ached with the loss, I knew that she would always be with me, guiding me, and giving me the courage to face each day without her physical presence. Every day, she would prove to be my wind through the memories that she left behind for me to remember. Even without her here, I realized that the one thing I still had to live for was her. 

My wind would push me forward no matter what, but it would be gentle when I truly needed it. My wind was my encouragement to make the good decisions that she always wanted me to. My wind was the only thing I have ever known that could make me happier than anything else in my life. My wind was what my whole life was about. My wind was her.