I Still Love You

From dormitory, I transferred to a boarding house for some reasons, it was located outskirts the University Wall near the vast woods, a creepy looking one.

It was already dark while I was on my way there walking just after hauling my things to get some fresh air, the road was empty. This particular side had no establishments and only occasional street lights that went on and off. It does feel creepy to walk alone in here but it is soothing at the same time. I don't know why but I feel like it. New ambiance perhaps, away from busy university streets with bustling students. My mind seems to think clearly a little bit. Just a little bit.

I heave a deep sigh as I was trying to figure out how am I going to tell my parents that I lost my scholarship. I wasn't myself this past few months. I didn't realize my grades were getting low. I deeply breath, releasing the tension that seems to build inside me, but failed to do so.

Something caught my eye that sends my heart skyrocketing, my blood seems to freeze and the air blows colder than it should've making the tiny hair at my nape stood up, keeping me from making any sudden movement. My trance halted automatically when a pack of eight wolves gallantly blocking my path. 

WOLVES!!!

RUN!! I MEAN DON'T RUN! My mind screamed, panicking. No I can't run, this will only make me look like a flailing prey, which is a very bad thing. They're naturally predators, hunters. And I am definitely not willing to be their next happy meal.

They seem to be hunting or just roaming around the woods and just happened to wander near the road. 

These woods must be one of those government protected animal sanctuary since there are wolves that still lives there. Were there Forest Ranger supposed to keep them away from attacking civilians? 

Aside I can make myself look bigger so they'll get intimidated however, I noticed that they were bigger than ordinary wolves especially with this one wolf that is bigger than the rest, he's taller than my 5'3 self with those all fours, he had an obsidian black and shiny fur that makes it more stunning and strangely beautiful perfectly blending into the night. If not from the defective street lamp I would have mistaken it as a shadow. I was kind of captivated by it.

It only leave me to one option, to bow down, that looks like you are curling into a ball without looking at them in the eyes hoping all that Animal Planet watching might paid off and they won't attack me. 

My heart stops and my body goes numb and rigid, when the black wolf sniffs my head. This it! I'm gonna be dead. At least a pack of wolves will have a good night sleep and a belly full.

It huffs, then walks backwards. I dared to peak a little. There's something familiar with those eyes. No, my eyes were just playing on me.

Strangely it did the trick, they all walk away leaving me harmless but the obsidian wolf cast me one last long look before he took off into the woods with the rest of them had gone followed by a sorrowful howl that send tingles down to my spine, causing me to shudder.

I sigh in relief and disbelief.

"Wow! That was epic! Especially those big and scary kind of thing!" I exclaimed inside my head clearly having difficulty of processing the entirely recent occurrence. Astonishment and bewilderment still plastered across my face. 

I quickly send a thankful prayer above for keeping me safe.

Heading straight back to my boarding house is the best option left for me rather than facing another wild creatures that might be lurking around.

On the next day from school, our prof dismissed us later than expected, it was late at night. My mind seemed wandering about those wolves. There's really something in them that I can't quite pin point. I have searched for wolf species that are quite like them, Dire wolf were closely relative breed but not as gigantic as them, well there's this one mythical creature but it's ridiculous, impossible to exist, so I throwed it out of the options. Over grown Dire wolf, maybe.

There's no actually records of any sightings, or animal attacks in here, let alone wolf attacks. It's kind of weird to see them in here, as I have asked the locals in here, this place is not a national preserved animal sanctuary. What's even weirder, they only hear some occasional howls but haven't seen any of them so they suspected that those were just stray dogs howl. Like what? I have this notion that yesterday was just my imagination, well it kinds of explain it since I was so stressed out lately.

Pushing all those thoughts aside, I focused myself to my surroundings. Listening to the sounds of crickets, owl hoots and any other nocturnal animals.

See? Everything's normal.

I was walking again back to my boarding house since at this hour there is no tricycle travelling down to this path, good thing fullmoon shown brightly providing me more than enough light than those rickety street lamps. I just hope that I won't get another encounter with a pack of wolves or anything worst. Or as I have imagine I guess.

"Please no more wolves." I chant slightly chuckling, walking briskly because my stupid thoughts beginning to scare me shitless, when a nearby howl nearly sent me to death. 

Definitely that was NOT my imagination.

'Just dogs.'

Those were just dogs, I convince myself or so I thought.

Well, joke's on me. They'll never gonna let me walk in peace!

Brisk walking turn into a half run into a full speed to the point that my feet feels like they weren't touching the ground. I know I'm not supposed to run but skies above! I'm not even sure if it is real or not, 'cause it is surely getting scary in here.

Then again, I might be really their favorite thing to play tricks on.

I stop my tracks 'cause there's nothing else to do. They're already here blocking my way, good thing I just stop enough so that I will not crash on them, and the bad thing is I'm in a real shitty situation. 

I blinked hard twice and shake my head even pinch myself to make sure that I am not imagining things.

They stood still, real as they can be. They were the same pack as yesterday, even though I am out of breath from running. The obsidian wolf seems to take my breath away.

I stare at the magnificent beast in front of me, my head tells me that I should bow exactly the same I did last night but my body won't listen to what my mind told me. Its fur reflected the moon's light giving it an ethereal beauty.

It strides to me as if I am going to be its next meal. I held its gaze momentarily, like it was a challenge. My feet were nailed to the ground, I was about to bow but I was froze in the moment when the enormous obsidian wolf shifts, morph into something or into a man, someone I knew, while the other dipped their head in a courtly bow before turning away and dashed off back into the woods.

"H-How? W-What? No it can't be." I utter in disbelief. Words can't seem to form out of my mouth. He's a - I can't believe it.

He stop right in front of me, stark naked, towering me with all his glory. To tell you honestly, I was beyond astounded, who would not! 

It's not like everyday this will gonna happen, that you will see something like this. 

So back in the moment about the black wolf who turns out to be, 

"Z-Zeve?" I blurted out incredulously, well none other my ex, who I still hopelessly haven't moved on. The reason that I lost my scholarship due my getting low grades because I can't seem to focus on my studies, the reason why I am so stressed out and definitely the very main reason who made me feel helpless. 

I drank the familiar sight of him. Broad masculine shoulders, to his face, the slight curve of his aquiline nose, his thick eyebrows, hazel brown eyes, chiseled jaw, prominent cheek bones, to his lips, remembering every single details of him. He's the man I have loved. I still do. Madly, and it's driving me crazy.

He have this stern look, the look that really scares the hypothalamus out of me. At one time he was this big black wolf then in just a blink he was-he was... him. 

A werewolf.

I was about to run but the world stops when he grab my wrist and pulled me into a tight hug.

I don't how to react, I'm starting to hyperventilate and I don't know if I am going push him or rather not. He seems to both calm and wreck havoc inside me. 

His body was warm against mine, shielding me from the harsh wind that blew right past through us. l know it is wrong but deep inside me it feels so right, everything I feel about him came rushing back, so fast that any moment by now I might explode. 

I must be crazy for letting him touch me especially first and foremost, he just morph from being this enormous wolf, second is that he's obviously hugging me naked and lastly but definitely not the least HE'S MY FREAKING EX! 

The one who leaves me in pieces. The one and only I have given myself into. The one who left without any trace after that fateful night. The one who keeps me wondering every day, 'why'? 

Though obviously I still have feelings for him, but still that doesn't change a single fact that we're over and he'd hurt me a lot, to the point that I nearly lost my mind.

"I miss you so much Belle, I am sorry for everything I've done before." and he has the audacity to say sorry? Just sorry? I muster all the strength left in me, shoving him and slap him right in his face. He doesn't seem faze.

I don't care if he can snap me in two. He might as well ripped me into two physically in the first place rather than breaking my heart. I don't care if he's a damn forsaken wolf. The hell I care! I can nip him up and turn him into rug if needed be! I DON'T CARE! 

SKIES! I CARE!

Still, the way my name rolled out from his tongue feels so good to hear. Just like the night creatures singing melodies to the moon. Damn! It shouldn't feel this way!

I didn't know I was breathing heavily and tears started to stream down on my face.

"I totally regret everything but not definitely having you once in my life. I miss you so much that it kills me and I never stop loving you, not even once." I was now sobbing, I can't pretend that I am strong because I'm not. I'm helpless as a sheep cornered by a wolf. Literally.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I screwed it up. I'm terribly sorry, please forgive me." He's crying too. It's such an awkward sight to see him crying but he deserves to look stupid. Even just for once.

Damn him for making me feel this way! Damn him for leaving me in such a mess! Damn me for wanting him more.

"No, I don't deserve your forgiveness. Tell me, tell me what I must do for you, tell me to crawl over hot coals, to sleep on a bed of nails, to carve up my flesh, to atone the things I have done, tell me, say the word and it is done. But let me care for you like I once did before, let me love you for the rest of my life.... Punish me, torture me, wreck havoc into my life, but let me do this for you and let me lay the world at your feet. I even rejected my mate for you." Thousand apologies flowed out through his eyes and those words he said, strung into my head. Oh skies! To hear his voice again. Hearing his cracking voice shatters me.

Still I don't know how to react, what to say, what to do. My mouth just shut itself. 'Rejected his mate' What on Earth was that supposed to mean?

He cupped my face, helplessly wiping those tears away that still falls out of my eyes, it is like an open well with eternal supply of salted water. He rests his forehead in mine.

"Please, I still love you more that life itself" He whispers, kissing my forehead, down to my tear-stained face... He deeply look me in the eye with longing before pressing his lips on mine.

His lips were warm, emotions crashing down on me. Melting me off into his arms. Making my knees weak, again. Back at the times when we were happy, when we were as one, when he promised his forever with me. It feels like all the pain had gone, washes all those sorrows away, slowly mending the broken pieces in me.

My tears keeps on streaming down as the image of us flashing back right in front of me. The day we first met, our first kiss, our first night, my first heart break, my first man that I beseechingly, desperately pray will be my last. 

He broke it, he broke me, he broke his promise. He leaves me in the dark, not knowing what have I done wrong. 'Am I not good enough? Why?' The only mantra my head keeps on repeating.

'I should push him, this isn't right! Nothing's right! 

Push him! Slap him much harder again! Hurt him like he did to you!' Stabbed him! Gauge his eyes out!

But those thoughts flew out and vanishes into thin air.

His hands found my waist pulling me closer, his kisses turned deeper, begging me to open up for him, to open up my world to him, again. His fangs I didn't know that existed before slightly scraping my lower lip, enough to draw a little bit of blood, making him growl.

I sigh escapes out of me, he took that opportunity to invade my mouth with his expert tongue. His scent nostalgically driving me nuts.

Oh, how I miss this scent.

My brain shouts at me waving red flags on what to do but none of my body parts ever listened, it seems like they had a mind of their own and they're loving every bit of what's happening, including my traitorous heart who's joyfully beating wildly. As if it has found the long lost piece of itself. Making it whole again.

I don't know what happened, everything happens too fast for my own pacing. My arms wrapped around his neck on their own accord, seems like my vocal chords too has a mind of its own, unconsciously I replied between our parted lips, panting.

"I still..."

"love you."