Top 10 Cabin Party Moments (Year 8)

Hi everyone! As most of you know, after each of our annual winter cabin parties, I (your resident amatuer photographer) put together a list of the top ten most iconic moments of the night. Don’t worry, I asked everyone before using pictures they were in. If you’re hoping to bury all records of your antics in the frozen earth, you can do that. Anyways, here’s the rundown!

10. Jerome Battles the Fog Machine

You can blame our very own hostess for the terrible idea of bringing an industrial fog machine to a cramped cabin party. I’m sure you all remember the point in the night when Sarah the Queen of Mischief set up her rented cloud-spitting monstrosity at the top of the stairs and buried the entire stairs and living room in a smog so thick that none of us could see our hands in front of our faces. It’s a miracle this photo exists at all. This image captures the glorious moment when Jerome dug out a diving mask from his car and charged up the stairs to find Sarah and shut off her doomsday device. I think we can all agree that the mask looks good on him, even if the picture’s a little blurry.

9. Damien and Scott Switch Shirts… a Lot.

I’m not sure how close you all were paying attention, but the more sober of you occasionally pointed out that Damien and Scott had pulled a goof on us and switched their shirts at some point during the night. What none of you may have noticed is that this happened at least ten times. The following set of photos documents the truth behind this conspiracy, using timestamps to reveal what our memories cannot. Here the two goofballs are showing up, prepping dinner, lounging on the deck, playing pong, dancing, and huddling around the firepit, and as you can see the only constant is the inconsistency of what they’re wearing. What can I say, I’m a natural detective. Well done, you two.

8. The Cake Wasn’t a Cake

Everyone has been giving Rudy crap for months for spamming her homemade ‘everything is cake’ memes, so we all should have been suspicious when she agreed to be the one to bring dessert. Turns out she flipped the tables on us, layering delicious icing over… a pair of old shoe boxes wrapped in paper mache. As you can see, the inside of the cardboard mockery was as hollow as Rudy’s heart. You got us good, Rudy. Next time bring an actual dessert to follow up your joke, please… I had to drink a bottle of dessert wine to sate my sweet tooth, and we all know how I feel about that confectionary swamp liquid.

7. The Effigy Burns

Raise your hand if you predicted that Christian goodboy Jayden Morrison would be showing up to this party with a bag full of straw, a box of matches, and a plan to perform a pagan ritual. This picture is horrifying, I know, in no small part because of how well Jayden molded his bundle of straw into the visage of a certain politician, but I think we can all agree that Jayden’s contorted, screaming face rising behind the dancing flames fits the definition of ‘iconic.’ As much as your girl loves a good heretic, is he even allowed to go to church after this? 

6. Parkour Goes Wrong

Hugo, my dude. My nimble, athletic, reckless dude. There is a time and a place for parkour, and the entrance hall of your friend’s parent’s mountain home isn’t one of them. As it turns out, drywall isn’t able to support the full weight of a grown man. Shocking twist. We were all very impressed by your stunt, but judging by the size of the hole showcased here you’ll be needing to pick up some extra shifts in the new year to pay for the damages. Lucky you that Sarah’s mom & pop are so understanding (probably because they raised their own maniac.) Also, who was it that suggested we tell them that Hugo accidentally ‘fell’ against the wall and crushed it with his shoulder? Because whoever you are, you’re a bad person.

5. Evie Gets Wasted and Cleans Everything

They say alcohol brings out your truest self. Some people get angry, some giddy, and some dissolve into tears or sentimentality. Evie’s truest self, it turns out, is a Roomba. I know we were all hype to see what happened when mild-mannered Evie took shots, and I don’t think it gets much more hype than running three loads of the dishwasher, mopping the floor, sweeping the basement (it was technically off-limits but we’ll forgive you,) dusting off the creepy taxidermized owl mounted over the fireplace, and here in this photo we see her rinsing all the plastic cups so that they could be recycled. You are truly the best of us. We lesser beings apologize for our sloth. Please never change.

4. Damien Recites the Entirety of Bounceland

Two entries, Damien. Are you trying to win a trophy or something? Many of us consider it an achievement to memorize all of the lyrics to a single song, but Damien is apparently a psychopath and has engraved every single line, note, and sound effect of the animated musical Bounceland into the rivets of his brain. This photo may look innocuous--Damien (wearing Scott’s shirt) appears to be sitting on a carpet, telling a story to a circle of captivated audience members. What you wouldn’t know unless you were there is that this photo was taken fifty-five minutes into a one-man reenactment of the classic children’s movie. I’m now convinced he’s a robot in disguise.

3. It Actually Snows for Once

Not much to be said here. We’ve been doing these New Years cabin parties for EIGHT YEARS now (the first one was when I was a junior in high school. Yikes.) Anyways, everyone knows that it never, ever snows. For those of you that missed it, a couple years back we tried to move the party to a day when the weather said it was gonna snow. Guess what? Still no snow. Anyways, here’s a picture of a bunch of us dancing in the long-awaited snow. Savor it. This isn’t happening again. God hates us too much.

2. Ruso Gives Me a Hug

Guess what, buckaroos. You make the list, you get to stick yourself at the top of it. Photo cred to Jerome, who at this point was still wearing his diving mask like a pro. As most of you know it’s been an especially rough year for me, what with my parents disowning me for the whole liking-other-girls thing and the problems with my knee. I’m doing alright, promise, but a hug once in a while goes a long way. Seriously, all of you mean the world to me and I’m so grateful for all of your support through all of this. I know it hasn’t been an easy year for anyone. Special props to Ruso for this hug, she has the benevolent embrace of a divine koala. You’re the best, girl.

1. Smiles at Breakfast

Look, I know all of you wanted your dumb shenaningans to top this list off, but when I snapped this pic of everyone eating eggs and pancakes with groggy grins I already knew it was going to be number one. There are few groups of people who can wake up hungry, dirty, and hungover, and still immediately be this happy to see each other. Just look at all the joy at this table. I’m pretty sure that’s syrup in Scott’s hair, but he’s still beaming. Evie looks like nothing has ever made her happier than these box-mix pancakes. This is pretty much the most wholesome, adorable photo of all time and I love it so, so much. I’m already hype to see everyone again next year!