Never Give Up Hope

Before I met Louise, I knew I would not like her; so would make it my duty to be a pain in the neck to her. She would be just like all the others; only after the money. Why else would she choose to take on someone else’s kid.

They made me wait outside the interview room, like a naughty child, whilst they discussed me behind my back. All nicey nicey, chitty chatty talking about me as if I were a puppy being rescued from the dogs’ home. Maybe they thought that because I came from a broken home and my mum is a junkie that I was deaf as well.

I could hear Rachel through the door saying, “Sarah is a child with problems.”

How does she know what’s going on inside my head anyway? She’s barely out of her teens herself. What gives her the right to call me a problem kid? 

I kicked the coffee table and watched the coke can tumble to the floor spilling its guts all over the carpet.

“I’ll make her work for her money all right,” I thought. “If she thinks she’s going to have an easy ride with me then she’s friggin’ well mistaken,” I muttered under my breath.

Fussy Finchley called across the room, “You ok Sarah?”

She was wearing the perfunctory smile that all the staff seemed to be able to muster when addressing us. 

Eyes fixed on the brown liquid trickling to the floor I mumbled, “Yeah, as if you really care.”

She just grunted and stormed off in her usual manner.

The door to the interview room suddenly swung open. Rachel winked at me in a kinda ‘I’m your best buddy’ way, “Come and meet Louise.”

“What for?” I snapped. “What’s the point of me packing everything up just for a couple of days? You know that, even if this weekend works out, and even if I move in, that I’ll be back within the month. So why don’t I just stay here and save everyone the bother?”

“Now look here Sarah,” she glared, “ Louise has taken the trouble to drive 40 miles to come and take you for the weekend.” She began tapping her pen on the side of her thigh. “The least you can do is show her a little respect and be polite.”

I shrugged my shoulders. What did I have to lose; one foster home is much the same as the next. After all, I only had to hack it for another 18 months, and then I could legally look after myself. They could all stick it then. I had decided that I would rescue Jamie too and sod the lot of them.

I shuffled into the room. Rachel had informed me that Louise had specifically asked for a teenage girl. Why, I didn’t know; probably another babysitter for her brood.

They could make me go but they couldn’t make me like her.

“Hello Sarah,” she said offering me her hand as I entered. She was not at all what I had expected. I didn’t really know what to do. Nobody had ever done that before. Was I supposed to shake it or kiss it? I grabbed her hand and squeezed as hard as I could.

Her smile didn’t falter. When I felt her begin to wince I let go. She must be a tough cookie I thought, but she wouldn’t get the better of me.

We had our little tête-à-tête and within the hour we were driving to her home.

“You got a husband or kids then?” I mumbled just to break the silence.

“No to both,” she replied eyes focused on the road ahead.

“Why not, you aint ugly nor nothin’!”

She laughed and her whole face lit up. She looked just like my mum before the smack took over.

“Well, I was engaged once,” she said “but he ditched me a week before my wedding day.”

“Lucky escape if you ask me,” I sniffed.

She glanced over at me, “Well I don’t intend getting caught like that again.” Her smile was soft. Was it another ploy to get me to buckle?

“You’re not a “les” are you?” I queried.

She laughed again, “No, I do have a man in my life. Tom works away so I only get to see him for one week in every month. You’ll like him, everyone does; he’s great fun to be with.”

“So why d’ya wanna foster kids?” I really wanted to know.

“Well to tell you the truth I don’t really know myself,” she confessed “but it’s got to be more worthwhile than not.”

She was different. There was something about her that was gentle. I couldn’t understand why she wanted me though. Why a teenager when she could have chosen a baby to mother?

No one spoke for 20 minutes. Suddenly she screeched on the brakes. “Do you like Chinese?” she enquired

“Black, yellow, they’re all the same to me,” I shrugged.

She chuckled “No, food I meant.”

“Oh!” I replied “Nope.” Although, I had never tried it. “They eat that raw fish don’t they?”

“Sushi, no that’s mainly Japanese.”

It made me mad they way she was laughing at my ignorance, “Well I aint eatin’ no raw fish,” I sulked.

“Nobody’s going to make you eat anything you don’t like,” she said. “You ok to wait here in the car?”

“Yeah I can look after myself. Been doin’ it for four years.”

She slammed the door and disappeared into a take-away. I flicked through her CD’s. Cold Play, Black Eyed Peas. She had some good stuff. I slipped a CD into the player and closed my eyes. She actually seemed nice. I didn’t know which way to play it now.

The house was semi-detached in a quiet suburb. The gardens were neat. There was not a burnt out car or discarded mattress in sight.

She showed me to my room. It was laid out all neat; nothing fancy or frivolous, just nice. After unpacking my things I went downstairs where she was dishing up the meal.

“Nice house.” I said. “I guess the money they give you for us pays the mortgage.”

“No it’s not mortgaged,” she looked away. “It was left to me by my parents who were killed in a car crash ten years ago.”

“Lucky you,” I blurted.

Her face fell.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I stammered. “I just meant… my Dad’s in Prison and my Mum… well she’s so out of it she might just as well be.”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t mean anything,” she touched my arm in a kind of caring way.

“I still got Jamie though,” I pulled away. “And when all this is over I’m gonna get him and look after him and no one will split us up again.”

She smiled and laid the plates on the table. We shared Singapore Chow Mein and Chicken fried Rice. For the first time I felt as though I was warming to her, and that I could probably get on with her.

“Why aren’t you quizzing me about why I’m in care?” I asked.

“Well I think that’s your business and if you want to speak about it then you will, and I will listen.”

She was different.

The Chinese was like nothing I’d ever tasted before; worlds apart from the soggy cabbage and mushy carrots that we were normally subjected to on an almost daily basis.

“What music do you like?” she interrupted my chain of thought.

“Nothin’ really, don’t get much chance to listen to music in that place.”

“Well have a mooch in the selection over there and see if anything takes your fancy.”

I found a Blue CD and put it on. We both laid back, her on one sofa and I on the other, soaking up the tranquillity. For a few moments, I almost forgot about the home. It was as if we’d known one another for years. She seemed genuine. It was obvious she didn’t need the money as she worked from home as a freelance journalist.

We chatted until it was bed time. She followed me into my room and asked if I was ok with everything in there.

“Sure,” I said. This was heaven after what I was used to. Having my own private space was new in itself.

She picked up my denim jacket off the bed. “This is fab” she said. “My size too by the looks of it,” she winked .

Saturday morning she woke me up with tea and toast laid out all neat with a little pot of jam.

“My turn tomorrow,” she said as she laid the tray on the bedside cabinet.

I wondered if she was joking but she looked serious enough.

“It’s a deal,” I replied and I decided I would look forward to making it for her in the morning.

“You know I have no intention of trying to replace your mother,” she said. “As long as you don’t try to replace the daughter I haven't got.”

“If you think that you can get on with me then I’d be more than happy for you to stay for as long as you are comfortable,” she crossed her finger and smiled.

When had my feelings ever been taken into consideration before?

“Do you miss Jamie?” she asked.

“Like a hole in the head,” I laughed, but she could tell I missed him like I’d lost a kidney.

“You’re welcome to invite him here whenever you like,” she said “I’d like to meet him.”

“Really! You wouldn’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it,” she sounded irritated.

“You have to understand one thing Sarah,” she said looking directly into my face. “I never make false promises or offer things I don’t really want to give, and I hope you’ll respect me enough to do the same. So how about we set a date for a month from now, after Tom’s leave?”

“Thanks Louise,” I smiled back, “and you know you can borrow my denim jacket anytime, too.”

“You know something Sarah?” she pointed her index finger towards me. I’m glad you chose to come. I feel like you could be the sister I never had.”

“Yeah me too,” I answered truthfully.