Crushed

She walks into the room with beautiful flowing hair, pouty lips and great hips, and she looks at me and says “Hi can I order a grande, non-fat, half-caf cappuccino for Tammy please?” and puts her rewards card on the counter. I snap back to reality “yes, no problem. Would you also like to try that with blond espresso today?” I ask as instructed by my manager even though she wasn't listening anymore. I quickly ring up her drink, swipe her card and pass it back. She looks off vacantly in the distance as she barely thanks me and walks away to wait for her drink. See the thing is I'm not an ugly guy or anything. I'm just kind of a background guy, the kind of guy who has a lot of girl-friends but never a girlfriend.  

Because of my limited romantic past, I remember every girl I've ever had a thing for, especially one in particular, Emily Adams. Emily was a girl I went to school with when I was younger in the town I grew up in Moncton. When we were in 6th grade we went as a group to the movies and she sat next to me. When she put her hand on my side of the armrest I purposely put my hand on it, she didn't pull away. That same summer I went to my first “girl/boy party” and I was so excited to hear she was there. To my surprise though she had a boyfriend. School just ended 3 weeks before and I didn't hear anything about it, but she was always great at staying out of the rumour mill. After school started back up in grade 7 I found out she was single again so I sat next to her hoping to get up the courage to ask her out. Every day I tried to find a way to talk to her more and more. Two weeks in I started to think that I might be able to handle asking her out. When I got home I fully planned to call her up to see if she would go bowling with me. My parents asked to talk to me in the living room before I got the chance. My parents told me we were moving to Saint John next week. I was devastated. I couldn't believe I only had a week to say goodbye to my friends and pack.

I haven't seen Emily or any of my old friends since then. That was almost 7 years ago. I am now working summers in a coffee shop to help my parents pay my way through college. In just a few weeks I will be starting my second year of UNB Saint John and I already can't wait to be done working. "Jamie, customer" I hear through my headset. I stop mindlessly cleaning the pastry shelf and take the customers' orders. "Can I get a Grande vanilla latte made with coconut milk for Lexi, a Grande hot chocolate for Sarah, a Grande vanilla iced coffee with cream for Emily and a venti pumpkin spice latte with some extra whip for Jessica please?" Says a voice that I kind of thought I recognized. "I'm sorry but our pumpkin spice latte only starts in Fall," I say while finally looking up. "Oh shoot", the girl says " just make it a vanilla latte". As she pays I finally place her face. Her name was Jessica, she was a year behind me in school growing up. As I'm about to say something she beats me to it "Hey, aren't you Jamie Carter? We went to Beaver Brook together didn't we?" She asked. "Yeah," I said, basically shocked she even remembers me "Jessica, right? You were probably in grade six when I moved. How have you been? What brings you all the way out here?" "I've been good”, she says  “I’m starting college in a few weeks, a few of us came out early to get settled". By now my manager is kinda staring at me like I did something wrong and I know that means it's time to wrap the conversation, so I politely ended it with “It was nice catching up Jessica hope to see you around sometime”. “I hope I see you around more too,” she said.

It wasn't even Fall yet but the morning air felt nice and cool on my face as I biked to work the next morning. School hasn't started for anyone yet but there was already a serious shift in the city’s atmosphere as it wound down from the fun-loving touristy summer months to the more solemn school months ahead. Saint John was by no means a party town but we definitely had our share of tourists through the summer months, not that I ever really got to partake in the fun. Since a few years after we moved here my parents, who believe a young man should be self-sufficient, had me working every summer. My parents would never get me to work during the school year though, as they believed I needed to focus on my studies. This might have been a good thing because otherwise, I might not have graduated high school. As little as I liked going to school I was pretty excited to go back, in college it meant meeting new people, and unlike middle school or high school, people in college rarely judged a person based on their average or plain looks, such as mine. I was by no means popular but I had made a few friends, and a new year opened up the possibility of some kind of love life. I got into work just a bit winded. I didn’t realize how fast I was biking to catch the wind in my hair. The first thing I did when I got into work was to go out back and put on my apron and go check the schedule. They knew I would be leaving at the start of the newest schedule but I had to double-check to make sure I really wasn’t on it. After I confirmed that I was not on the newest upcoming schedule I washed up to start my shift and who should be my first customer of the day but Jessica. I wasn’t surprised she was here as there may have only been 10 cafes in all the city and people usually just stick with the first one they like. “Good morning Jessica,” I said, “what can I get you today”. “Same as yesterday if you can remember it.” she said teasingly “I actually do,” I told her what I didn’t tell her is that we didn’t get many customers yesterday and I couldn’t get the order out of my head since I saw her what were the chances that I think about Emily and here comes someone from back when I knew her ordering for an Emily it definitely felt like too much of a coincidence to be true but it did stick in my head. As I ring in her order I make small talk again “so how’s the move going?” I asked “It’s going ok” she said, “it’s been a bit busy so I and my roommates came out to charge up with some caffeine”. Her roommates? Now my curiosity was piqued. I had to know if this Emily was the one I so fondly remember “You brought your roommates this time? So I’m guessing you guys are staying for a bit, let me know if you need anything” I tell her hoping not to sound too interested. “Thank you,” she says as she goes to stand at the other end of the coffee bar. I look around the cafe to see if any other familiar faces stand out and there she is, it’s Emily Adams. The group of girls sat in the cafe for a good thirty minutes drinking their drinks and laughing and talking as I stood there in shock trying to gather the courage to go over and say hi. I decided against it telling myself if it was meant to be she would be back tomorrow.

Instead of enjoying the wind in my hair, I was spending the entire bike ride to work the next day with my mind racing, thinking. Would Emily and Jessica be in today? Would I get lucky and have only Emily come in? I quickly put on my apron when I got in and assumed my position at the cash counter acting like I was scared to miss even a second as if she would come and go in the second it’d take me to put on my apron. A few hours into my shift I started to think maybe neither of them would be in after all not before I’m off for the day anyway. And just as I have the thought in walks Jessica “hey again, late start today?” masking my curiosity as idle chit chat “Yeah, we stayed up late watching movies since the internet got hooked up yesterday. Can I get an extra shot of espresso in my drink today?” “yes of course.” I replied, “just you today?” “no the girls are on the outdoor patio” “oh,” I said with a slight bit of disappointment that I’m glad she didn't seem to notice. I kept trying to think of excuses to go to the patio. Clean it? No, did that. Change the garbage? No, did that. How am I going to have a reason to talk to her? She hasn't even noticed that I work here from what I know. Has Jessica mentioned me? Doubt it. I try to think about what can I do? So I decided to take a paper cup and write on it “To Emily: would you go to the movies with me? check yes or no '' with the little boxes like teens would do I thought she would find it charming since we haven't seen each other since around them. I quickly put the paper cup over her plastic cold drink cup and put it on a tray pointing the words away from Jessica and crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Thirty of the slowest and most uncertain minutes of my life crawled by and in walked Jessica with a smile on her face and the cup in her hand. My jaw must've hit the floor. She said “this is for you” and she lingered as I read it. The boxes I put on the cup for her to check off were crossed out and next to it she said “I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE”. When Jessica knew I read it, probably from the look on my face, she said “I tried to explain who you were and that you went to school with us and that you two were in the same grade and stuff but she came she doesn't remember you at all” my heart dropped I was crushed.