Bloom

Ever since you took your first steps into school you are told how to act and behave. If you lack friends, the teachers will tell your parents they are worried because you aren't socializing. The second you shut people out you become the target. You are the loner who had to of done something wrong because no one can vouch for you.

You are labeled as a freak and the one with issues. You have to look in the mirror everyday to give yourself a pep talk before going to school. You remind yourself that you are human and you are fine just the way you are. You have to convince yourself to just go to school. Tell yourself an education is more important than what the teachers or your peers think of you.

Growing up you make a few friends but none stick by you. Either you were maturing like them and they didn't want you to cramp their style or they were just not interested so they leave you behind and you go find new friends and wait until they leave you, like a tick. Some of the better friends leave you because they just move and you remind yourself it's not anyone's fault.

In middle school you lay in bed and just pray asking why you don't connect with people. Why do people hate you. Who do girls laugh in the hallways when you walk by. You question if it even has anything to do with you but you will never truly know.

All was managed by the power of self value that you placed on yourself. Then your cloths get questioned because you are to poor to get the newest trends. If you had to be placed anywhere in a group then you might be Kenny from South Park only maybe for some not a sex deviant. You don't question why can't my family be richer but why you have to be judge based on clothing choices.

Once your a bit older you are able to find a table in the middle school you have been going to that you fit in at. A group that doesn't bother you or make jokes about you. All anyone wants to do is talk about video games and movies. Your favorite conversations were about books though. You tend to rather get lost in a false world than to be stuck in your crappy one. You turned to books for any problem that came at you, like your dad left, or you became homeless for a summer, when your mom decides to let the man who left you come back, when he left again because he was with another woman, when he doesn't call for month and you are wondering if he is going to be ok, and then when he come back. You read through the pain and of course this made you close up into your own shell more. So logically your mom takes you to get tested for depression. Can you guess what happens when you leave the doctors office after the test. You are now on a medication for your depression. You weren't ashamed of it at all you were kind of looking forward to taking this pill and seeing a new you form. Things seemed to look up you had your dad coming around you had meds to help yourself and things just seemed better. Better till you ran out of meds and you were to poor to get more and you mother couldn’t help you know she wanted to but she couldn’t.

Slowly nothing seemed to be bright. Your dad is home, cool. This person checked you out, ummm why. Slowly it was like you felt nothing that as the world kept moving you were stuck in a bubble and felt nothing. Oh, this person is making fun of you again? Yeah it happens. Oh, someone tripped you in the hallways! Get up and keep going to class like you are supposed to.

Some morning you stood in the mirror in the morning before school and had to teach yourself to be happy because you know the teachers see something is wrong and keep trying to talk to you about. Your hobby is acting. You kept this act up for years till your final year of high school and you saw yourself and wanted to cry. You felt bad that you just let it be a robot only feeling what you felt it had to feel. You could see how much you didn’t care about yourself and you couldn’t keep doing it. You started to stand in the mirror every morning and instead of programming your brain on what to feel you told yourself good things about yourself and slowly sparks would come up feeling of love. Sometimes it didn’t work but when it did you would go to school and slowly made some friends. With these friends you told yourself to not think about how long it would be before they left you instead you played memories of fun times you had with your friends. When people invited you out, you said yes and let yourself feel the fun. You found hobbies you never knew you had.

You find a significant other and they filled your head with compliments and the sparks came for you more and more. You felt happy more and more. Sure there were days you felt nothing but you went with it because you knew people love you. Are you cured from depression now? No and you probably will never be, but you will always be able to have pride that you have grown. You aren’t who your were before and it all started with learning to show yourself love. Love yourself even when the world seems so dark and that you feel as though you can’t breath because your drowning in water. You love yourself because you are important and you are not alone. Learn to change and grow. Learn to find your inner peace so you don’t become lost and you aren’t just gone.

even when the world seems dark now you must remember confidence and self love is not an egotistical thing, it’s not cocky. Self

love it what creates your worth. Keep working to find that light at the end of the tunnel. it is a promise that if you died someone will be lost and crushed without.