Gaze Upon a Star Tonight

Submitted into Contest #39 in response to: Write a story that begins and ends with someone looking up at the stars.... view prompt

4 comments

General

I gaze upon the silver stars that joined me tonight. I am with my family. Johnathan, Mary, Carl, Carlos, Lillian, Luna, Felice, Molly, Olivia, Simon, Jackson, Callie, Sophia, Coral, mother, father, and me. My name is Juliet and I love gazing upon the stars every night. I enjoy doing this very much. Every night we make sure that there is fine weather before laying down and endlessly staring at the beautiful, silver stars, who stare right back, until we stare so long, that heavy stones attempt to make us sleep outside and we say our good-byes and go to sleep.


Let me tell you about the strange family hobby that I have and my family in general. Johnathan and Mary are twins, the same for Carl and Carlos. Lillian's real name is actually Lillianiais, but that would be hard to pronounce for everyone so we decided to just nickname her Lillian. Luna and Felice were found on the streets together. Molly was in our mother's stomach while Luna and Felice were getting adopted by us. Olivia and Simon are twins. Jackson and Callie were stranded on the streets, Sophia was mysteriously left at Starbucks for four hours, and Coral was left at the pool. My mother and father were always kind and welcoming. So basically, there are only a few of us that were her actual, original, biological children. Now about my family hobby. This strange thing, it's not something that I had to push my self to do. It's just something so relaxing after a long day at school. It's never occurred to me that it was strange or different.


Many of our neighbors thought we were weird and a "bad influence" to other children, and made them stay away. I also thought it was weird how some little kids were scared of our family. Honestly, Luna is very protective and so she gets very defensive so I can see that, but being the youngest I don't really mind. Not many people even visit our house because of the loud noises and hollers and running around. I guess we're like the Weasley's from Harry Potter. I guess it's a good thing?


I awake the next morning to a beautiful breakfast smell. I change into my school uniform. I white and navy blue shirt and black skirt and tie. I put my hair in a perfect ponytail just how I like and a star-shaped pin on the side of my head, where whenever I gaze into the mirror I see it perfectly. I head downstairs and eat breakfast. I find the hook with my name on it and my bag. You see, with a lot of kids, it's easy to get people's things mixed up and lose things. You might get it if you have quite the siblings. Especially if they're older. I wait for the last half of my siblings because John, Mary, Carl, Carlos, Lillian, Luna, and Felice all have high school to go to. Molly and Olivia join me a few minutes later, along with the rest of my siblings. We head out to the bus stop and wait for the bus.


My mornings are always like this. Even though I enjoy the evening stars, I always wish there was something new! Something different! I don't want to ask my parents because they already have so many kids to take care of! I can't take any more pressure on them by asking for something different! That would make a chaotic difference! Not a good difference! I don't want that! That would benefit anyone! I hope I pluck up the courage someday though! It would take the plead off of my chest. I hate it when I have to keep things inside of me. It really sucks. Especially when your parents are busy with other children in the house. It distracts your parents and it's almost like they don't care about you, even if you do. It's hard, but you have to live with it! Even though it's really really hard. That's what my mother loves about me, I'm quiet and understanding. She calls it a benefit. Sometimes I wonder if she really wanted to take care of all these



After school, I take a taxi to the nearby Starbucks to get a drink and do some homework. I spot a mysterious looking girl who seemed to be staring at her computer screen. She had long navy blue hair that look like natural hair color. She had bright blue eyes that reflected the computer screen. She was wearing AirPods and had a notebook in front of her with very realistic sketches of the stars. This attracted me right away because of stars.


"Hello! What's your name?" I asked approaching her. "Hello. I'm Star." the girl responds. "I love your name! May I sit with you?" I ask. She nods and as I sit down, I see her pupils are shaped like stars. I look at what she is wearing and she has the same uniform as me! "I see you go to the same elementary school! Are you in the Upper School? I don't see you often." I say. "The girl nods. "Woah! Then you must be really smart!" I say. "I'm just picking up a drink before heading to Astronomy class, wanna join me?" the closes her eyes for a bit, gives a small frightened look, but then nods. "If you don't, you don't have to, but I notice an Astronomy badge on your pocket so I thought you are in the Upper Astronomy!" the strange girl finally talks. "It's fine," Star says, in a quite wispy voice. Let's go!" I say. She closes her laptop and puts it in her bag and stands up to follow me. I look hesitant as we reach the road. I suddenly see an old lady dropping fruit onto the road. "Hey watch out!" I call running over. Star suddenly disappears behind as chase after the old lady. I bus suddenly is coming towards us. That is when I pushed the lady away and took my last scream.


I wake up. Floating. Transparent. In the backyard of my house and I see my family crying and sobbing to the stars. I sit next to them. Patting them on the back, but my hand whooshed through. I must be dead. At least I saved that lady. I gaze upon the stars before floating up into the sky away from my sobbing family.


April 30, 2020 16:45

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4 comments

Joy Saker
10:24 May 07, 2020

Hi Sydney - I see that you were 39th to register your story. I'd like to recommend that you not hurry your story, but hang on to it for the whole week. Read it twice a day, and you will pick up the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors you made in your first draft. I learned to do this, the hard way. I posted on the first day, then went on to refine and tweak the story into a much better version, but by then it was too late. Keep up the writing!

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Sydney Jeon
01:37 May 12, 2020

Thanks so much. I found out about this contest on the second to last day and wanted to get into the work as quickly as possible. Thanks so much much for your amazing feedback!

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Claire Simmons
02:00 Jun 22, 2020

I know I'm very late at replying, but Sydney was not the 39th person to enter. Instead, they entered the 39th contest :)

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Claire Simmons
02:03 Jun 22, 2020

This was a nice story. For getting it done in 2 days, I'm quite surprised there actually weren't more errors :) A tip: Try not to use too many exclamation marks in a row. I'm referring to the fifth paragraph here. It throws off the balance of the story-telling. There were also a couple places where you switched to past tense instead of staying in present tense, but that might just be something that could've been caught if you had had more time to edit it before submission? Overall, nice job!

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